Am I the wrong one? Should I stay or just call it a day?


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living_in_a_dream is offline living_in_a_dream Post #1  June 6,2009, 5:55pm
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months 16 of which we have lived together. Things happen so fast and the realationship happen so fast. I wasnt really looking for commitment, but he was. He treated me so good! He always told me how beautiful I am, did the sweetest little things for me. Bought me roses just because he felt like it and always wanted to talk, it was great. about a year into our realationship we had some problems, mainly it was that I wanted to go out all the time with friends and party. So I moved out and didnt want to persue the realationship at all, but you somehow convinced me to come back. After 2 months of not leaving together I moved back in, I had alot of doughts,but I couldnt let go. About 3 weeks after I moved back we got into a huge fight because of something on my phone, to this day I still dont know what it was because he broke it before I could ever see. Needless to say I was done yet again, so I went to my moms house. A few days after that I found out I was pregnant, so yet again I went back to him. We decided to start all over and make this work for the sake of our unborn child.
When I found out i was pregnant I became an emotional lunitic! I would laugh one second and the next I was crying. He seemed happy I was pregnant while I felt like he thought he had me, that he could do anything and i would leave. Which was so true. After the thought settled in I let go of everything I once thought I wanted such as my party lifestyle and at that point I was finally ready, I let my gaurd down and loved the thought of commitment. Well I was having alot of pain, went to the doctors and a few weeks later right before the first trimester was over I had a miscarriage. It was absolutly devistateing to me. But he was there and very conforting.
Its been about 4 months since my miscarriage and everything has changed. We dont get along at all, Im so madly in love with him, its discusting. Im the one doing all the sweet things and trying to make this work now its like the tables have turned. He doesnt talk to me anymore. He doesnt show any of the affection that he used to and everytime i try to just kiss him or anything he pushes me away. I dont know if its all in my mind but he looks at me differently, almost a look of discust. Its killing me. The other day he broke down and told me he hated everything. He hates himself and everything about himself. I didnt even know how to respond to that. I dont know where I went wrong. I feel like I treat him right, I dont think the problem is with me I think he needs some help. But I feel like everything i do is wrong now, like how dare i try to kiss him how dare i breath. Please i just dont know what to do. I love hm so much but this is tearing me apart.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #2  June 6,2009, 6:29pm
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Based on how your guy reacted to the news you were pregnant, how he treated you beforehand and how he is treating you now I would say it is time to move on. He clearly thought he had you for sure when you were pregnant because you would be dependent on him. Good luck
 
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JTF is offline JTF Post #3  June 6,2009, 7:42pm
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I'm sorry for your situation. That sounds really tough. It seems pretty obvious to me that he is suffering from depression. From experience, depression can turn an otherwise kind and cheerful person into someone who is a real downer to be around. Perhaps it has been triggered by the miscarriage, which obviously can hit men pretty hard as well as women. Regardless of the cause, he most likely needs to see a mental health expert. Best of luck!
Last edited by JTF; June 6,2009 at 8:28pm.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #4  June 6,2009, 7:52pm
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A question that pops into my head is, have you two really talked about the miscarriage? About what it means to each of you and how it affects your relationship? He may be so afraid to cause either of you that kind of pain again that he is unable to be close (he may not even be conscious of this). And, he may feel guilty somehow about everything that happened ("getting" you pregnant, and then the miscarriage that followed...).

If you haven't both gone through a process of mourning the loss of the baby (with help if necessary) it's not too late to do that now. As JTF said, this event can hit men very hard as well. Facing the mourning process head on is a very tough thing to tackle, but an important step for moving forward.
 
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