Sherain is offline Sherain Post #1  June 4,2009, 5:10am
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This man has so many great qualities and we really do seem to 'click' with the same thoughts and beliefs. We are 3 weeks into dating and I am afraid he is a heavy drinker. I don't mind a drink or two ~ even if its an every night kinda 'wind down' ritual. What I do mind is having to have 8 - 12 beers every night. He has had significant loss in the last 2 years both family and friends and I am concerned that this is his 'coping' mechanism. I admit that I haven't confirmed this is a solid behavior and except for observation/asking I don't really know how to. I do know that when we are coping we can have habits/behaviors that aren't necessarily our 'normal' and they fade with time and adjustment and moving forward.

Do I ask him outright? Could it be a passing habit that could disappear with time? Do I just continue to observe the behavior while the relationship moves forward? I just don't want to get more involved to have this issue separate us when feelings are stronger and both of us get hurt. Thoughts? Advice? Opinions Please.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #2  June 4,2009, 8:02am
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If it's 8 - 12 beers every night, it's probably a problem.

I would confront him about it.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 4,2009, 8:18am
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8-12 beers every night is called an alcoholic and yes, just about every single alcoholic is drinking to help themselves cope with something. It's effectively self-medicating. You definitely have a major problem here and you do need to learn more about alcoholism for your own sake as well as his, assuming you want to take a chance and stay in the relationship.

If you do want to give this a chance, then you do need to talk to him about this and see if he is willing to go seek help and counseling so that he can get off the bottle and deal with his problem in a healthier way. If he is not, I would run immediately and even if he is, I'd keep my eyes open for trouble.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #4  June 4,2009, 8:18am
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It's understandable that sometimes people turn to harmful vices to cope with grief or stress, but that doesn't always mean those people should be in relationships. Just something to think about. He has a drinking problem. I don't know too many relationships that work where one or both partners drinks too much.
Last edited by tbesq; June 4,2009 at 10:13am.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #5  June 4,2009, 9:34am
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I agree that this guy definitely has a drinking problem and it will only get worse. I would not even take the time to confront him about it as he will just deny he has a drinking problem or tell you it is none of your business. Move on fast. Good luck
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #6  June 4,2009, 10:37am
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angelofmerci wrote :
I agree that this guy definitely has a drinking problem and it will only get worse. I would not even take the time to confront him about it as he will just deny he has a drinking problem or tell you it is none of your business. Move on fast. Good luck
What he said. Don't waste your time confronting him. Just move on.
 
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dreamingartist is offline dreamingartist Post #7  June 4,2009, 11:32am
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I had a guy marry a beautiful woman who liked to go out and get a drink or two every night.

What he didn't see coming was that on his wedding night, she hit the open bar like Chris brown hits rihana.


Fast forward 4 months... they are getting a divorce. She wants to go out and party, he doesn't. They are mid 30's in age. He saw it originally as a girl wanting to have fun. unfortunetally after marriage he sees it as a woman with a alcohol problem. and now 50% of his estate.
 
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islandonfiji is offline islandonfiji Post #8  June 4,2009, 11:39am
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RUN from this guy. If this is a problem so early, it will only get worse and I know--I'm speaking from past experience!
 
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cath817 is offline cath817 Post #9  June 4,2009, 10:07pm
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8-12 drinks a night is definitely a problem. I doubt most people could drink that much and still be functional at all. That would be a 12-pack of red flags for me. Seriously, I wouldn't waste any more time on him...this has "heartache ahead" written all over it
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #10  June 5,2009, 5:23am
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Yep, agree with everyone else 8-12 a night is definitely a problem.

I do realize you said you haven't confirmed this yet, but after only dating him for 3 weeks.... how often to you spend time with him that you would have learned he puts away this many in a night?? Every night??

It would take a fair amount of time for a person to consume 8-12 beers... so either he's downing them like bottled water one right after another OR he's starting his drinking fairly early in the evening and/or taking it very late into the night. Every day? (Not to mention, where's he doing all this drinking, hopefully not out somewhere and then driving? That's a different subject though... I just picture the guy sitting at a bar all night, or on his couch with a remote in his hand)

If this 8-12'er was a one or two time occurance in the past 3 weeks, at a party or bbq or beach or something of the sort, I'd probably overlook that. But every night? No way does this sound like something to get involved with no matter how great the person is otherwise.
 
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