debwings is offline debwings Post #1  June 3,2009, 4:27am
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How soon after meeting someone is it appropriate to discuss delicate health issues like herpes or being a breast cancer survivor who has had reconstruction? How do you bring it up; what do you say?
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #2  June 3,2009, 7:10am

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best to let him know asap that you have herpes... and find out right away if he has any hispes
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 3,2009, 7:47am
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Any contagious medical issue must be discussed and disclosed immediately. All other things can wait until you are certain the two of you actually want to continue dating - meaning you went on more than one date and are interested in continuing to see each other. Sooner to me is always better than later.
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #4  June 3,2009, 10:12am
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DancingFool wrote :
Any contagious medical issue must be discussed and disclosed immediately. All other things can wait until you are certain the two of you actually want to continue dating - meaning you went on more than one date and are interested in continuing to see each other. Sooner to me is always better than later.
I would expect for someone to disclose information about an STD, before we become intimate. Actually, I always make it a practice to have a discussion about safety, expectations, and beliefs about sex, before we decide to take our relationship to that level.

I wouldn't want to, nor expect to, discuss it on the first date, though. Give your date some time to get to know you first.

I do agree, that once you decide to continue dating, you should be honest about your situation. This will give each potential partner an opportunity to determine whether they're comfortable or not.

Best of luck!
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #5  June 3,2009, 12:19pm
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debwings wrote :
How soon after meeting someone is it appropriate to discuss delicate health issues like herpes or being a breast cancer survivor who has had reconstruction? How do you bring it up; what do you say?
I think it would be wise to mention the herpes before you even meet; as it's a serious issue. There is a website called positivesingles.com
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  June 3,2009, 12:27pm
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Well....hmmm....if it takes me several months, for instance, to get close enough to someone to be intimate with them and they wait that long to finally tell me that they have an incurrable STD, I would be furious and that's putting it mildly. To my mind that is a deliberate deception on their part and completely unforgivable. The thing is that when someone considers that to be an absolute dealbreaker, they will leave you anyway. Dragging things out is probably not the best idea since you are wasting your time and theirs.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  June 3,2009, 1:52pm
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DancingFool,

Some portion of people with “deal breakers” will act differently when exposed to information in a profile compared to after some time has passed, and they became involved with someone. Also, many situations are nuanced, and premature disclosure invites the other party to make a decision informed by guess and misinformation.
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  June 3,2009, 3:28pm
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[quote=D_Lion;630358]DancingFool,

Some portion of people with “deal breakers” will act differently when exposed to information in a profile compared to after some time has passed, and they became involved with someone. Also, many situations are nuanced, and premature disclosure invites the other party to make a decision informed by guess and misinformation.
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drewman is offline drewman Post #9  June 3,2009, 3:28pm
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I have posted before on this, but I didn't get any real clarity since the answers were from one end of the spectrum to the next. My apologies for someone that has a critical health issue and what to do.

I wear a defibillator/pacer; called an ICD unit; you don't even notice it's under my skin in the chest area and look like just a plain person. but the ICD is an insurance policy. It is a heart syndrome where my electonic triggers to strike a normal beat are prolonged; Long QTc sydrome.

I am medically retired. I do not own a home(apt. living). I am on my fed retirement I paid into; not as much as if I were to wait to normal retirement, but it's a good living and have another company retirement that's fair, but not great.

Found a match I really like and she seems to like me and think we could hit it off, but I know you never know...and if we did and I said nothing; then she gets told by me later....; wonder what else I'm hiding in her mind...?

My feeling is to be honest and up front. Is this too honest right off the bat or gives her an out since I have tried it before and most of the time nary a thanks or have good life; just that Closed Match..?

This is a unique issue I have is why I ask again for maybe someone that's been there, if anyone; should I say it or wait?

Thoughts? Advice from someone who's in the know....?

Thank You and have a great day/evening. My apologies if you've seen or responded to this prior.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #10  June 3,2009, 6:35pm
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I have dated and proposed to someone who had herpes. She waited to about our 3rd or 4th date to tell me. She carefully but completely told me how she got it, how long she had it and what it would mean for us. She explained the symptoms of an outbreak, etc. With this knowledge I decided to keep dating her. The only reason we did not get married was my darn fool male pride got in the way when I got laid off.

I advice you to have a good sit down chat with any guy you are interested in after the first or second date. Make sure you explain things really good and include if you are taking valtrex or something like it on a regular basis.

As for the breast cancer and the reconstruction he is going to find out when you get intimate so you might as well tell him at the same time as you have the discussion about herpes. Good Luck
 
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