How do I date a girl with kids?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
justwanttobehappy is offline justwanttobehappy Post #1  May 26,2009, 8:21pm
justwanttobeh…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

OH

Posts: 1

See profile

I'm so glad I found this web site because I haven't gotten any real advice on this subject. I am currently dating a girl that has two girls, 7 and 3. The girl I'm seeing is 4 years older than me and has a lot more experience in life. I've known her for 4 years and we started dating seriously in February. I have three questions that I really need help with.

1. When do I say something?
I don't know how to act around her sometimes when the kids are involved, weather they are there or we are just talking about them. I want to show her respect by not giving my opinion unless it is asked for. It has been really weird and up and down. It didn't take me long to figure out that her kids come before anyone. I support that 100%.

2. Is this normal?
The ex is involved a lot with them because he watches them probably two times a week. It's frustrating when I can't go over to her house and be with her if her ex is there. Her ex refuses to come by at 6am to watch the kids, instead he stays the previous night.

3. How do I express to her how much I care? or How much I love her?
I don't think she knows how much I care about her and her children. I want to help them to be happy.
 
  Reply With Quote
JoJoBean is offline JoJoBean Post #2  May 27,2009, 8:05pm
JoJoBean's Avatar

wishes she was out in the sunshine.

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2009

Somewhere in the sierra's

Posts: 173

See profile

I will try to help, I see no one has posted yet. I think the number one thing to remember is when it comes to our children we are like mother bears. very protective.

I would not give advise but you may try commenting on something you know or something you experienced in the past, maybe with a friends child or a niece or nephew.

I have no advise for you about the ex staying the night so that he does not have to wake up early in the morning. This honestly would freak me out. I know people will say we are all adults and need to do what's best for the kids BUT I would not like it. I would think at the very least you should be allowed in the home while the ex is there.

# 3 well tell her. Talk to her! tell her how much you care for her and her children and at the same time talk to her about the ex spending the night.
 
  Reply With Quote
Illumina is offline Illumina Post #3  May 27,2009, 8:28pm
Illumina's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

California

Posts: 8

See profile

This is a tough one. You obviously care for her very much. The ex spending the night is weird. No other way to look at that really. She is setting restrictions for your time together not because of the kids but because of the ex? She doesn't sound emotionally ready for what you want. Just my guess.
 
  Reply With Quote
Illumina is offline Illumina Post #4  May 27,2009, 8:31pm
Illumina's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

California

Posts: 8

See profile

As far as saying anything about the kids. Again, this is a tough area. Her kids are young. If you want to take this relationship to the next level then you will have some involvement in how they are raised. Your opinions may not always be appreciated but if you feel strongly about something I think you should say it. Be yourself around the kids. But again, the ex thing is baffling...I really can't get past it...
 
  Reply With Quote
KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #5  May 27,2009, 9:19pm
KungFuFtr's Avatar

I just saved a bundle on child support by switching to condoms!

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2008

San Antonio Texas

Posts: 1,025

See profile

Dating since February...
I wouldn't give her advice regarding her kids, unless she asked for it. The husband sleeping over is very odd. The husband should also be tactful. So he doesn't want to come over at 6am...? Too bad for him! She shouldn't enable his manipulative behavior. So does he stay at her house to watch the kids?
 
  Reply With Quote
Chickie1984 is offline Chickie1984 Post #6  May 27,2009, 9:57pm
Chickie1984's Avatar

has exams and papers due ... hence why I'm back on here LOL

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2009

Calgary

Posts: 107

See profile

I'm not necessarily an expert in this but a big part of long term dating as a parent is wanting your sig other to be a good parent and role model for your kids. You should talk to her about parenting stuff, how she feels about style, discipline etc etc. and ask her if she would mind ever having you voice your opinions.
It sounds like you are a bit scared of communicating with her. Why is that? are you afraid she will be defensive? or reject you? or misinterpret you? The best way around all that is to be open, honest and say what's on your mind in a non threatening tactful sort of way. and if you have an opinion about the kids or something make sure she knows you aren't being judgemental. I've noticed parents do tend to get defensive about how they raise their kids.

hope that helps some,

cheers
 
  Reply With Quote
smashcow is offline smashcow Post #7  May 27,2009, 10:37pm
smashcow's Avatar

is at home.

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2008

colon MI

Posts: 12

See profile

I don't mean this to be a rude person but get out of this relationship you think your in. She and her Supposed ex still have feelings for each other if she lets him stay the night. In the end your going to be the one who get's hurt. Why would you want to put yourself down by having your girl still have her ex around. Get some pride tell her whats up and if she doesn't respond to you then their is your sign.

It stinks to be alone I know but I promise you something better will come along. I just broke up with a girl and it took 5 months of lies from her to get it over with. Ok she actually ended it in the end but I put the writing on the wall so many months ago. I was hurt, but I knew in the end I would come out of it and I just met a fantastic girl that I never would have met if I didn't stand up formyself in the relationship. It was hard and tuff to do because I thought I loved her deeply ( and I did ) but who wants to be #2 in someones life. That is your biggest sign dude. Trust me when I Say this: Tell her straight up what is bothering you and if she doesn't do something about it then you know. All the other stuff in your post doesn't matter if you don't get what you want.
 
  Reply With Quote
Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #8  May 27,2009, 11:33pm

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,079

See profile

I believe that you correctly summarized the situation and your questions are right on the pulse of the relationship. You might consider sharing your post with her? A part of the problem is a lack of a clear definition of your roll in the relationship?
(1) The kids have a mother and father that are divorced, so there is little that you can say, but you should be able to express an opinion to her when your alone with her. Anything major is between them.

(2) It is not normal for the Father to sleep over. I suspect that your lady friend did it to save the expense of hiring a sitter and had to compromise on the sleep-over because no one enjoys driving at 5 or 6 AM. Thus it's going to cost you some money to replace the old sitter with a new one.You can't fault the guy for being a good father to his kids.

(3) The whole relationship needs to be defined and structured to include you as the man in the family. Maybe some short term counseling to help pull everything together. It looks very do able but you guys need a plan. It seems that your lady has blinders on sometimes and does not see it.

Harvey7
Last edited by Harvey7; May 27,2009 at 11:39pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #9  May 28,2009, 5:31am
lucky173's Avatar

says "I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported"

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2008

NY

Posts: 1,510

See profile

Before giving my thoughts to the questions you’ve posed, I’m curious how well you’ve known the woman over the last 4 years? Also, have you known and interacted with her children as well during this time, or have you only come to know them since you started dating her in February? Did you know (or know of) her ex husband in the past 4 years, prior to dating her? Onto your questions:

1. When do I say something? Can you clarify what you mean by ‘say something’? Are you referring to saying something about her parenting style? About the children’s behavior, discipline (or lack thereof), etc? Your question is a bit vague. To answer in a general sense, I’d suggest, don’t say anything until and unless your opinion is specifically asked for, and even then, proceed with caution. People don’t always like to hear the truth of the information they seek.

The only other time I’d suggest to say something regarding the children without your opinion being asked is, if there is some behavior or action that would warrant immediate attention, that could be detrimental to their safety or well-being.
[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]
 
  Reply With Quote
dscot399 is offline dscot399 Post #10  May 28,2009, 6:24am
dscot399's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

Ol' North State

Posts: 22

See profile

There is no doubt that the situation is different between your woman and her ex, but we don't know the situation between them and whom holds the power.

IT IS POSSIBLE IF YOUR LADY TELLS THE EX, NO MORE SPENDING THE NIGHT, THAT HE STOPS COMING AROUND ALL TOGETHER!

Some men thrive on the dictorial power in that type of situation, knowing that Daddy time is more important than Mom having her way.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« confused for i am bias | Ask a Dating Expert | What to do now? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
How much physical contact is appropriate for a first date? JustSomeGuy12 Dating 158 October 15,2011 7:55am
My date yesterday-Not exactly the best! christianlife Dating 40 October 26,2009 6:31pm
Third date in three months... Questions MQRegan Dating 42 September 10,2009 3:28pm
Collegge Girl Troubles purpleraider Ask a Dating Expert 21 May 22,2009 4:30pm
To Date or Not To Date 4ever29 Relationships 2 May 18,2009 8:50am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did everything. And the repairs where sure expensive. Grr!I paid for them too. :-/” –  LadyVee

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“I think people change their "type" depending on what they think they need at that point in their lives. It's so subjective that it might be best if we all just let someone else choose a mate for us ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Changing your "type"” discussion

“In the end, aren't we all winners?” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Last Post Wins!” discussion

“4: sex um. both our values hold sex for marriage, so the next best thing to do when you are driven by lust, i guess is making out? If sex equals marriage, then if his goal is to have sex with you, ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Confused~ He likes me or He wants sex?” discussion

“You know, profile writers remind me of junior high school. The kids who came into an exam clueless, and just rambled on and on, hoping that in there somewhere(?) might possibly be something that the ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “How much profile do you like to read?” discussion

“Chemical burns when one splashes around in nature are no fun! Tree farming, huh. Tax breaks or love of all things tree... Tax break. (I can make these calls, because I'm on the internetz.) He ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“The standard method is to eliminate alcohol and bread (and any other gassy carbs) from your diet. You can also try saran wrapping your midsection for a few days. I've heard that works but I haven't ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Belly Fat” discussion

“My boyfriend will be meeting my ex-boyfriend for the first time this weekend so I will let you know how it goes. He almost met him awhile ago so I thought about this before. I told my boyfriend that ... ” –  alethea

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:55am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0