Do you give back jewellery when a relationship is over?


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lostgem is offline lostgem Post #1  May 26,2009, 4:03am
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I was given some expensive jewellery during the course of my relationship with a man.
The relationship is over and he is now demanding i give back the jewellery given to me by him as gifts. He says they belong to him as he brought them from the heart and that i should no longer want them.
He wants to put closure to the relationship by either melting down the jewellery or throwing it into a river.
He done the same with his ex wife, and now the same to me.
What is the right thing to do?
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #2  May 26,2009, 5:43am
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If they were given as gifts, then they are yours to keep, no matter how expensive they were. The exception would be a conditional gift (e.g., an engagement ring).

If you want to give them back to him, you may. If any pieces are family heirlooms, then you should. I would also consider returning any gift he gave you close to the time of your breakup (especially if you instigated it).

However, you should not feel that you have to return his gifts so he can find closure. There are many other ways by which he can find closure that don't require the involvement jewelry.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  May 26,2009, 6:03am
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keep them- they are yours. if you don't want to wear them as is- get them reset.

my guess is he wants them back to give to another girlfriend, and if he needs closure or whatever nonsense he should go to therapy like normal people.
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #4  May 26,2009, 6:13am
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neardc wrote :
If they were given as gifts, then they are yours to keep, no matter how expensive they were. The exception would be a conditional gift (e.g., an engagement ring).
Yeah ... I had a long-term girlfriend who asked about giving back some nice pieces she'd received. And while they were expensive and lovely, I turned her down saying they weren't given with some pre-condition ... they were hers to keep.

Hopefully she's gotten a little mileage from them since, because I have good taste in jewelry :P
 
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illustrator is offline illustrator Post #5  May 26,2009, 6:44am
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I got the ring from a Cracker Jack box so she can keep it if she wants to.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  May 26,2009, 7:08am
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They are yours to do with as you please.

His closure issues are his issues and not your problem and you should not allow yourself to get sucked into that. Giving someone a gift does not come with conditions and no, they are not his to take away or take back once given. His request is simply absurd and he ought to consider therapy.

The only exception to jewelry is if any of it was a family heirloom. In that case it would be kind of you to return it although it does not sound like this is the case here.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #7  May 26,2009, 8:14am
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neardc wrote :
If they were given as gifts, then they are yours to keep, no matter how expensive they were. The exception would be a conditional gift (e.g., an engagement ring).

If you want to give them back to him, you may. If any pieces are family heirlooms, then you should. I would also consider returning any gift he gave you close to the time of your breakup (especially if you instigated it).

However, you should not feel that you have to return his gifts so he can find closure. There are many other ways by which he can find closure that don't require the involvement jewelry.
i totally agree with this.
 
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kibbie is offline kibbie Post #8  May 26,2009, 8:14am
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illustrator wrote :
I got the ring from a Cracker Jack box so she can keep it if she wants to.
Thanks illy! That's so sweet of you!
 
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dnnmllr is offline dnnmllr Post #9  May 26,2009, 11:33am
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The following is an excerpt from an etiquette guide:

".....When a young man gives a piece of jewelry to a young woman, it is considered a gift. If a couple is engaged and the woman breaks the engagement, she should return the ring. If the man breaks the engagement, the woman may keep the ring for the heartache she has been caused.

If the young woman involved broke off the relationship, then she should offer to return the promise ring. She is now dating someone else. The ring is a constant reminder of the person she had been dating. Perhaps she still has romantic feelings for him and is finding it difficult to part with the ring. Since the two people involved are on good terms, I do think that she should mention it to him and ask him if he would like it back. It may be awkward, but it is the right thing to do. If he initiated the breakup, then she may keep the ring or return it.
Thank you for writing.
Best regards,
Fleming Allaire, Ph.D.
Dr. Manners ....."

I hope this helps, if not you, someone. I wish you well.
 
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1passionatefem is offline 1passionatefem Post #10  May 26,2009, 12:04pm
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They were gifts to you and it seems he is just trying to control and hurt you more. You do not need to return them and have no guilt in keeping them. The only thing I would return is an engagement ring that would have been a family heirloom and then I would return that piece to his mother or grandmother.
 
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