Threebs is offline Threebs Post #1  May 24,2009, 7:33pm
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I recently lost my spouse of 38 years. He had been very ill for two years before his death. When do you start looking for new relationships? I feel I am moving too fast as I was deeply in love with my husband, we were best friends but hate the loneliness. I miss him he was my balance in life.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  May 25,2009, 11:26am
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Do you feel you can go on a date with a stranger and your mind will be on your date?

If so, then I think it’s time to do so. If not, well, how would you feel if your partner’s thoughts were not present for you?
 
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yeoww is offline yeoww Post #3  May 25,2009, 11:38am
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Hi Threebs,

I believe everyone is different in this regard. If you feel you're moving too fast, you may be - for you. Or, maybe you'd be more comfortable joining a widow/widowers support group and starting slowly to form friendships.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #4  May 25,2009, 2:26pm
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Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

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It's natural to want to connect with someone again. That reflects well on the relationship that you had with you husband. However, finding someone primarily because you "hate the loneliness" is a recipe for ending up with the wrong person (you might find someone wonderful, but simply filling loneliness isn't enough to sustain a relationship over the long term).

Think about taking some time to get comfortable with yourself again; to figure out who you are now that you are single. That will put you in a better position to create a wonderful relationship with someone new.
 
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Hurricane_Em is offline Hurricane_Em Post #5  May 25,2009, 3:14pm
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I am also recently widowed BUT we were miserable for years, were separated and he died. There is a lot more, but basically my marriage was dead for years and I'm more than open to start dating again--but my situation is very different since it sounds as though you truly were still in love with your spouse...and that's wonderful.

Give yourself time to heal; if you're truly ready and find yourself attracted to other possible partners you'll know it. That sounds vague, but if you find yourself able to flirt and focus on someone else I tend to say you're getting there. For me, bluntly, it's chemistry and sexual attraction--when I could feel that again, it was time and not just sadness talking. But I'm a behaviorist and I feel our actions often reflect our emotions...but I digress.

Many good thoughts to you and hang in there.
 
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angelwhts2 is offline angelwhts2 Post #6  June 2,2009, 3:03am
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I to just lost my husband a few months ago, even though we lived in the same house, we were separate,with separate rooms, my husband was a sick man for some years which takes a toll on a marriage. I stayed to try to help the situation, but I didn't help. I watched him slowly fade away. So I have moved on and am very interested in finding that special someone and not out of lonliness, I had that with my husband, but for love. I Wish you the best in your search for your self and your mate.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #7  June 2,2009, 7:29am
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Grieving is different for everyone. As you have seen with two of the other posters, they had already passed through at least one stage or more of the grieving process. When will you be ready to move on is solely dependent upon you. I tell my patients to not let well meaning friends tell them when they should move on.

Take care and Good luck
 
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zal is offline zal Post #8  June 2,2009, 12:14pm
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I lost my wife about 4 1/2 years ago. We had a fabulous marriage. She was my best friend and greatest influence. She too died after long illness. All I can tell you is that when to start dating is a very personal thing and there is absolutely no set time. As for the lonliness, I didn't go through that so much. I withdrew into myself. Doing so, I intervertently cut off many relationships that I am still trying to recover. Even so, I did rely on some of my very close friends for support. It's probably better to rely on friends and family for support and to deal with the lonliness you are feeling. You must become comfortable living alone before you can successfully find a new mate. How long that time is depends entirely on you.

A word of advice. Many people will tell you to either start dating or to not date based solely on a set amount of time having passed. Do not listen to them. They might mean well, but the only correct time is when you are ready.

My condolences.
 
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jestklownin is offline jestklownin Post #9  December 20,2009, 8:27pm
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Well i also just lost my wife of 38years to the SWINE FLU on Sept. 7th for me its been very hard, its true the lonelyness is unbareble I take it moment by moment, we all grieve different,I say if your able to I believe you should, life is to short to wait for the right time if your able to go on, only you know, as only you know whats best for you...............................Good Luck and GOD BLESS...........jesse...
 
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Threebs is offline Threebs Post #10  December 21,2009, 7:02pm
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Jesse, I am so sorry to hear of your sudden loss. Sometimes I feel I am ready and other times I am not so sure I am. I am attending a Christian based grief support group. That has helped me figure out some of my feelings and understand what is going on in my head and my heart. Thank you for your advice. Barbara
 
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