Would you postpone the decision? (Yes or No) Quick Poll


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Doctora2012 is offline Doctora2012 Post #1  May 23,2009, 10:28pm
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I've been dating someone for the past 5 months, but things have not evolved into a relationship. I figure that if he hasn't brought up the relationship thing, it's because he's probably not ready for one.

I wouldn't want to bring up the relationship issue because I don't want to end up feeling like the only reason why he's agreeing to be one is because I brought it up. He's 26, I'm 31. At this point, I'm interested in establishing a relationship.

I like the guy, he's great but I'm not sure if he's thinking long-term. We haven't had these serious conversations yet, so I think I'm ready to call it quits.

This may sound silly, but I'm trying to avoid the emotional rollercoaster (that comes with letting someone go) so that it will not interfere with my studying for high-stakes exams that I'll be taking during the last week of July.

Would you let the person go or wait until after your exams to do so?

I knew I shouldn't have gotten involved with anyone during this time, but my heart didn't listen

...thanks in advance for your thoughts.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #2  May 23,2009, 10:44pm
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i think this is a tough one. i feel men live more in the present moment. they want you to be satisfied now with how things are. if they see that, then they start thinking about the future. this has always gotten me in trouble. being satisfied with the way things are has, to date, meant 1) i'm not thinking much about the guy and 2) i don't really think much of the guy's potential either. i'm just drifting, sad to say. so when guys have proposed, well, things have not gone well after that.

re. exams: eh... i'll tell you, starting every year in february i'm a wreck until april 15, income tax day. i believe i've destroyed more potential relationships at this time. (i am just so bad at forms and my taxes are involved.) anyways... well, exams might just take care of the break up for you and you might not even care at that point...
Last edited by lil_lamb; May 23,2009 at 10:50pm.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #3  May 24,2009, 3:35am
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Question for you, how would you define "relationship"? Being exclusive? Boyfriend/girlfriend? That crazy step after bf/gf where you tell each other you love them? I'm asking because it's sort of unclear where you are right now, so when you say "I want a relationship", you have to know where you're at currently.
 
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dadist is offline dadist Post #4  May 24,2009, 3:49am
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So let me get this straight, you have been dating someone for five months, things are good, and because he hasn't started the lets be exclusive talk you want to let him go? OK first you don't really let someone go that you are not in a relationship with, you just don't see them anymore. My guess is that after five months he probably thinks it is a relationship. You don't date someone for five months if you aren't interested unless you are only getting together for sex and that's not dating. What is wrong with you that you can't start this conversation? Are you afraid that he will leave you if you have it? So you are going to leave him first? I don't want to be insulting and am finding it hard not to be. Take a good look at your self destructive behaviour. I think that maybe what should be concerning you not the relationship status.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  May 24,2009, 4:26am
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I agree with the comment about first needing to establish your standing. You seem to be presuming the worst, before having any evidence?

For myself, I don’t agree that not having a partner frees attention for other pursuits … then you’re always chasing around to find a new one (at least, that’s me.)

Unless he has stated that he is unwilling to date exclusively, I would be inclined to hope for the best – if anything, culmination of educational attainments should be an opportunity for having more time together, and may bring either what you hope for, or more clarity.
 
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getagrip is offline getagrip Post #6  May 24,2009, 4:35am
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it is obvious you proud yourself with the goal of becoming a doctor in 2012. put on your doctor cap and start thinking.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #7  May 24,2009, 4:50am
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Five months isn't a very long time and this may be why he hasn't said anything as yet.

To answer your query: if I have reached the point where I have doubts, I end it. I like things to be defined.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #8  May 24,2009, 4:52am
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This is why I started my "It's Official: We're A Couple" thread a while back. This seems to happen very often. I agree with those who say that if a man is with you for 5 months and asks you to meet his family (I presume this is the same guy, Doctora2012), he probably thinks he's in a relationship. In general, women seem to place more emphasis on words, and men seem to place more emphasis on action.

Doctora2012, please give us a little more insight on what is going on. How do you feel about him? Aside from the fact that he hasn't initiated the "let's be exclusive" conversation, what else is he not doing that makes you think he doesn't want a relationship with you?
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #9  May 24,2009, 5:17am
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Two points (I'm List mode today):

1. Have you ever thought he might be talking to his friends, saying "She hasn't brought up the relationship thing, so I guess she isn't that interested and doesn't want one."? You two may actually have the same insecurities and the same unwillingness to be the one that lays the cards on the table. ASK already! If nothing else, you find out where you stand. I always ask because I just can't stand not knowing... um, where I stand.

2. If you don't like the relationship (or whatever it is), then fine, be on your merry way. But if you do and the only problem is that it needs some status clarification, that's a really lame reason to dump someone. I think it's easy to forget - when it comes to relationships with someone special, men are as scared as we women are. They just hide it better.

Gather up all of your nerve and ask already. At best, you'll find out he thinks you're something spcial. At worst, you'll know where you stand and be able to make an informed decision.
 
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dell1083 is offline dell1083 Post #10  May 24,2009, 5:46am
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I am sure that for you this is a tough decision but in reality it is very simply, You have been with this guy for 5 months with n direction, it is time for oyu to move on. The studying for the exam wil belp you not to think about it. Just end this and move on with your life. Telling you that it is going to be easy will be a lie but telling you that it will be a step in the right direction is good advice. Good Luck.
 
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