cestmoiici is offline cestmoiici Post #1  May 21,2009, 7:28pm
cestmoiici's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

I met a nice young lady on eHarmony in January. We've been out 6 times since early March. We're both shy and reserved but have opened up more as we see and get to know each other. I always initiate any physical contact -- just hello/goodbye hugs and I've kissed her on the cheek a few times when saying goodnight. She hugs back, but when I kiss her she just sort of blows a kiss in the air while I'm kissing her, without her lips actually touching my face. So we're moving slowly!!

My question: I want to hold her hand when we go for a walk. Should I just take it and hold it? Should I ask her first?

I'm almost embarrassed to ask about this since I'm 39 and she's 34 , but I'm also such a gentleman that I don't want to seem too forward or rude.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  May 24,2009, 12:30pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,651

See profile

If being a gentleman with this lady has been working for you, I’d say keep doing what works!

This is not as easy a question as it seems. Some women want the man to “be a man and take some initiative”; others have expressed appreciation for his taking her feelings into consideration and asking.

What I think is okay, is to ask for any increased level of intimacy, but I do not think it is necessary to keep asking thereafter. In your situation, I think taking a bit more initiative is best.
Last edited by D_Lion; May 24,2009 at 12:33pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #3  May 24,2009, 1:48pm
bigfincat's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 4,077

See profile

I think that you can touch her in ways that make her comfortable with the situation.

Just grab her hand. Don't be nervous about it. Your comfort level will have a great deal of influence on her comfort level.

Don't put any meaning behind the touching. It is more of a matter of fact type thing. It is what it is.
 
  Reply With Quote
meri75 is offline meri75 Post #4  May 24,2009, 2:08pm
meri75's Avatar

really wants a double dissolution in 2011!

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2009

Australia

Posts: 5,112

See profile

I agree with D_Lion & BFC's comments. I usually don't initiate physical contact, one of my previous bfs moved us along nicely by taking us for a walk and casually taking hold of my hand to bring my attention to a wallaby and then he didn't let go. It was nice and I felt relaxed.
 
  Reply With Quote
Mza is offline Mza Post #5  May 25,2009, 7:09am
Mza's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

Ohio

Posts: 9

See profile

Ok as a VERY shy and resvred person, (I'm 20 if it matters) I like it when I a guy asks me first, it shows consideration. So as a shy person I say ask first.
 
  Reply With Quote
eliseloves is offline eliseloves Post #6  May 25,2009, 9:00am
eliseloves's Avatar

allegra today

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

texas

Posts: 1

See profile

I would ask her first. She might be sensitive to public displays of affection and hand holding might be embarrassing for her.
 
  Reply With Quote
bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #7  May 25,2009, 10:30am
bigfincat's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 4,077

See profile

If you plan to hold her hand for an extended period of time, then, by all means, ask.

Do not, however, be afraid to touch her from time to time. Your body language should be that of being open to touching.

If you are holding back due to anxiety as to how it will be received, then the environment will be anxious.

I wouldn't hold her hand for more than a couple of minutes. To me, it is more of a gesture like a hug or a kiss.
 
  Reply With Quote
yeoww is offline yeoww Post #8  May 25,2009, 11:43am
yeoww's Avatar

wishes you all the very best!

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 1,334

See profile

Personally, since I'm somewhat reserved myself, I like it when a guy reaches out to hold my hand. If I'm not interested in him, though, I'll gently disengage my hand after a moment and not initiate any more contact. But if I like the guy, that's my cue that it's ok to move forward! Sometimes we reserved folks need a little nudge :-)
 
  Reply With Quote
Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #9  May 25,2009, 8:41pm
Mr_Right's Avatar

says this is the best wedding picture!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

USA

Posts: 4,402

See profile

cestmoiici wrote :
I met a nice young lady on eHarmony in January. We've been out 6 times since early March. We're both shy and reserved but have opened up more as we see and get to know each other. I always initiate any physical contact -- just hello/goodbye hugs and I've kissed her on the cheek a few times when saying goodnight. She hugs back, but when I kiss her she just sort of blows a kiss in the air while I'm kissing her, without her lips actually touching my face. So we're moving slowly!!

My question: I want to hold her hand when we go for a walk. Should I just take it and hold it? Should I ask her first?

I'm almost embarrassed to ask about this since I'm 39 and she's 34 , but I'm also such a gentleman that I don't want to seem too forward or rude.
Honestly, it really sounds like this girl's Interest Level in you isn't nearly as high as yours is for her. I would start or keep dating other people until you either find one that you like that has a high Interest Level in you, or this one thaws a bit.
 
  Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #10  May 25,2009, 11:44pm
Oregon_Coast_…'s Avatar

We're one of a kind, like dip di-dip di-dip, doo-bop a doo-bee doo

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2008

OR

Posts: 2,405

See profile

Be confident and just take her hand. She'll be impressed by your courage. Being nervous makes you look like you lack confidence, or are nervous because you're going to do something creepy.

If she withdraws, it means she doesn't like you.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Does he really mean what he says? | Ask a Dating Expert | He's Cheated. He's Used me. He's To Me, Yet I Still Want Him? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did everything. And the repairs where sure expensive. Grr!I paid for them too. :-/” –  LadyVee

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“I think people change their "type" depending on what they think they need at that point in their lives. It's so subjective that it might be best if we all just let someone else choose a mate for us ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Changing your "type"” discussion

“In the end, aren't we all winners?” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Last Post Wins!” discussion

“4: sex um. both our values hold sex for marriage, so the next best thing to do when you are driven by lust, i guess is making out? If sex equals marriage, then if his goal is to have sex with you, ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Confused~ He likes me or He wants sex?” discussion

“You know, profile writers remind me of junior high school. The kids who came into an exam clueless, and just rambled on and on, hoping that in there somewhere(?) might possibly be something that the ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “How much profile do you like to read?” discussion

“Chemical burns when one splashes around in nature are no fun! Tree farming, huh. Tax breaks or love of all things tree... Tax break. (I can make these calls, because I'm on the internetz.) He ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“The standard method is to eliminate alcohol and bread (and any other gassy carbs) from your diet. You can also try saran wrapping your midsection for a few days. I've heard that works but I haven't ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Belly Fat” discussion

“My boyfriend will be meeting my ex-boyfriend for the first time this weekend so I will let you know how it goes. He almost met him awhile ago so I thought about this before. I told my boyfriend that ... ” –  alethea

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:49am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0