pourquois-moi is offline pourquois-moi Post #1  May 18,2009, 6:56pm
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I m still wondering if guys still approach women that they're interested in anymore? As a single woman, I get a lot of stares and hellos from guys at work, or on girls' night out but no one would approach me. Based on my past experience, each time i decided to step forward and talk to a guy first, there was always one outcome, he just went along for the ride, he turned out not to really be available but was too flattered to say so. Therefore, i will not step up to guys anymore. Please enlighten me on how the dating scene is now days? I Think i look pleasant, friendly, i make eye contact, at times, i even say hello first but still no one dares to ask me out...
 
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BobinFla is offline BobinFla Post #2  May 18,2009, 7:58pm
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It is the same for men. When we get rejected a number of times, we tend to get gun shy on approaching members of the opposite sex. I am one who has quiet confidence, and do not strike up conversations too easily.

But if we are to find the person we want to share the rest of our lives, we do need to step into the zones outside our comfort zones. We must be able to look back at our previous relationships and see why we are single now and determine if we need to change our attitudes to allow us to have good results from any opportunity given us.
 
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Blackadder is offline Blackadder Post #3  May 18,2009, 9:21pm
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I'm not good in social situations. It's probably partly due to many rejections in the past. Sometimes I just sit back and wonder where all the single women are since every woman I talk to is otherwise attached. With some of those rejections they give me that little pout like they feel sorry for me or something. Oh yeah, that's a confidence booster. I understand saying you're already taken is the polite brush off. But I also hear about the tons of lonely single, and seemingly invisible or imaginary, women out there. Come on, seriously, where exactly is this mysterious brand of woman hinding? After a while I figure I'll just have to wait until someone approaches me first that way I'll know at least she's interested. Nope, has never happened yet. I guess it's in the women's handbook that they can't make the first move or something. Some guys will say to just keep on trying, but I can only get beaten down so many times without compounding the anxiety that's already built up. Thus, eHa to steer me in the proper direction to someone who might actually be looking for someone like me.

How many rejections does it take? Is it really like on "Two and a Half Men" where I have to keep asking until I break through the rejection wall and finally get through? I'm not a pushy person, no means no. Is that the test? The equation for how many rejections from a single female before she no longer pouts at you equals her general attraction to you divided by the strength of her doubt times the number of minutes that goes by or something. If I only ask once and give up I'm not worth it I guess. I really hate games, and higher math, so I hope that's not it. Dating is too complicated, pizza anyone?
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #4  May 18,2009, 9:23pm
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pourquois-moi wrote :
I m still wondering if guys still approach women that they're interested in anymore? As a single woman, I get a lot of stares and hellos from guys at work, or on girls' night out but no one would approach me. Based on my past experience, each time i decided to step forward and talk to a guy first, there was always one outcome, he just went along for the ride, he turned out not to really be available but was too flattered to say so. Therefore, i will not step up to guys anymore. Please enlighten me on how the dating scene is now days? I Think i look pleasant, friendly, i make eye contact, at times, i even say hello first but still no one dares to ask me out...
How many times have you actually approached men? A few? You can't use just a few examples as the standard. Now you know what we men have been going through our whole lives!
But I digress. I'm a guy but don't seem to have these problems: My male friends say that 10-15 years ago, women were approachable. They would make eye contact, smile, actually talk to you when you said hello. Today, women have gigantic walls when out in public. So they don't bother approaching women anymore. Maybe this is what you're seeing?
I would keep trying. If you see someone you like, just approach him. It's a numbers game. Sooner or later you'll get a hit. This is what we men have to do, so it's only fair you have to do this too. Times have changed. If you don't want to initiate contact with men and they won't with you then the stalemate will result in you watching Saturday Night Live at home. But if you want to take chance, what do you have to loose?
 
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dadist is offline dadist Post #5  May 19,2009, 4:38am
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It is all about communication. Yes guy's that are interested will approach you. First they will try to make eye contact or get your attention is someway. How you respond to this is a big factor if they start talking or not. If you quickly look away their attention is going to go somewhere else where they can get a lingering glance of possible interest and a smile. Then they or you have to come up with something to say. Talking to a stranger isn't easy if there is any interest. This is why I think men are better at communicating then women. We do this more than women and are commonly expected to be the ones to do it. If we don't chances are good that we will be alone. Guy's don't like to approach women in groups either so if there is someone that you have been making eye contact with separate yourself from the herd for a few minutes to give them a chance for some one on one time.
Your post makes it seem like you do the right things some of the time at least. So keep approaching your chances of success will be much greater if you do and make yourself as open to their approaches as possible.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #6  May 19,2009, 5:49am
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boccabum wrote :
How many times have you actually approached men? A few? You can't use just a few examples as the standard. Now you know what we men have been going through our whole lives!
But I digress. I'm a guy but don't seem to have these problems: My male friends say that 10-15 years ago, women were approachable. They would make eye contact, smile, actually talk to you when you said hello. Today, women have gigantic walls when out in public. So they don't bother approaching women anymore. Maybe this is what you're seeing?
I would keep trying. If you see someone you like, just approach him. It's a numbers game. Sooner or later you'll get a hit. This is what we men have to do, so it's only fair you have to do this too. Times have changed. If you don't want to initiate contact with men and they won't with you then the stalemate will result in you watching Saturday Night Live at home. But if you want to take chance, what do you have to loose?
I agree with boccabum. You're college educated, living in NY, and you're only 35. Just keep trying. It IS a numbers game.
 
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pourquois-moi is offline pourquois-moi Post #7  May 19,2009, 9:19pm
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tweet37 wrote :
I agree with boccabum. You're college educated, living in NY, and you're only 35. Just keep trying. It IS a numbers game.
THANK YOU!!! really good advice, I may have to try harder with the staring, 3 second rule is what i apply and normally that's long enough to show interest, anything longer than that is awkward. And thanks for the word of encouragement "you're only 35"
 
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pourquois-moi is offline pourquois-moi Post #8  May 19,2009, 9:46pm
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Everyone had really good suggestions, thanks! But what about the fact that 100% of the times that i've stepped forward and talked to a guy, we end up seeing eachother, dating but when they start demanding more of me, I in turn demand more of them then i end up getting this familiar comment: "oh, when i was approached by you i was so flattered i couldnt tell you that i do have a girlfriend but i do but if you don't mind we can still chill". And they all make the same excuse" " how could a man turn down an attractive woman like yourself"...seriously. The fact is if I were just looking to date, just go out and hang out, this would ve been just fine to approach them all, who cares, but I was always the type of person who had no problem whatsoever to stay home on the weekends with no plans then to be out there with a whole bunch of losers. Bottom line is, my concern is still what if it's a male ego/macho thing not to turn down a woman with the excuse that "she apprached me"?
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #9  May 19,2009, 11:17pm
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eh, no. i don't think the new millenia is like the last one. everyone's energy is on the fizzle. you get approached, you go on a date, and then you go "meh".
 
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #10  May 20,2009, 4:00pm
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dating is a game. If you are serious about finding someone, make it someone you already somewhat know, or someone that it could be easier to know in a no-pressure situation.
 
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