down2urth is offline down2urth Post #1  May 17,2009, 6:57pm
down2urth's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 5

See profile

Hi,

I dated somebody from eharmony for 9 months, and things were going really well. We never fought, we got along great, had amazing chemistry, enjoyed doing things together, etc., etc. He acted like he was in love - bringing me flowers, doing special things for my birthday, etc - but never said it, and then after 9 months he told me he wasn't falling head over heels madly in love. I believe he got scared, but I never told him that. Instead, I got scared and feel I pushed him away.

It's now months later. With hindsight, I realize I never gave him clear enough signals of how I felt. I myself was scared, and believe that could have made him unsure. We are in touch sporadically. We try to be friends but have a lot of chemistry, so being platonic is difficult. I believe the relationship had potential, but don't know if it's worth it to try and if it were, wouldn't quite know where to even start.

Thoughts?
 
  Reply With Quote
boccabum is offline boccabum Post #2  May 17,2009, 7:04pm
boccabum's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 974

See profile

You pushed him away because he wasn't following your timeline of when he should tell you he loves you. Is anything different with you? Are you going to be more patient, less volatile, and more secure in yourself to date someone even if it takes a very long time to figure out if you love each other?
If you can answer yes, then I think you might be ready to try again. His readiness is another question entirely.
 
  Reply With Quote
down2urth is offline down2urth Post #3  May 17,2009, 7:15pm
down2urth's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 5

See profile

Wow, thanks for the quick reply. You're probably right. Are you a guy? Would you mind answering another question? Would it be better to be direct and just tell him this? Or, better to be subtle and open the door to communication but leave it up to him whether he wants to bring it up?
 
  Reply With Quote
boccabum is offline boccabum Post #4  May 17,2009, 7:21pm
boccabum's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 974

See profile

I am a guy. Based on how you described your relationship with him before, it sounds like you were both open with each other...right? Dating someone for 9 months puts people close to each other. Intimacy and other things removes walls. So you should be able to address this by being upfront and as direct as you were when you were dating.
Being subtle is one thing but to get what you want you need to be direct and proactive. My .02 cents!
 
  Reply With Quote
janissary is offline janissary Post #5  May 17,2009, 7:31pm
janissary's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 233

See profile

it's worth a 2nd try. but if he tells you again that he's not madly in love with you, you should move on.
 
  Reply With Quote
down2urth is offline down2urth Post #6  May 17,2009, 9:02pm
down2urth's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 5

See profile

Thanks to both of you for your thoughts! You've inspired me to also go and give some other people advice. What a great little tool this is.
 
  Reply With Quote
angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #7  May 18,2009, 9:27am
angelofmerci's Avatar

loves the feel of the wind blowing in his face while riding the curves

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,302

See profile

I agree with the others that you should tell this guy straight out how you felt before you broke up and how you feel now. Let him know exactly why you pushed him away. Tell him you are ready to give the relationship another go if he is willing. Let him know you will not hold back your feelings any longer. Good Luck
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Already has kids...? | Ask a Dating Expert | 5 month exit...? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
How Do You Deal With Dishonesty in a Relationship? eharmonyadvice Relationships 35 November 5,2011 3:42pm
My relationships end so terrible/Normal? rRACINGRANDY Relationships 41 October 27,2010 9:43am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did everything. And the repairs where sure expensive. Grr!I paid for them too. :-/” –  LadyVee

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“I think people change their "type" depending on what they think they need at that point in their lives. It's so subjective that it might be best if we all just let someone else choose a mate for us ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Changing your "type"” discussion

“In the end, aren't we all winners?” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Last Post Wins!” discussion

“4: sex um. both our values hold sex for marriage, so the next best thing to do when you are driven by lust, i guess is making out? If sex equals marriage, then if his goal is to have sex with you, ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Confused~ He likes me or He wants sex?” discussion

“You know, profile writers remind me of junior high school. The kids who came into an exam clueless, and just rambled on and on, hoping that in there somewhere(?) might possibly be something that the ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “How much profile do you like to read?” discussion

“Chemical burns when one splashes around in nature are no fun! Tree farming, huh. Tax breaks or love of all things tree... Tax break. (I can make these calls, because I'm on the internetz.) He ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“The standard method is to eliminate alcohol and bread (and any other gassy carbs) from your diet. You can also try saran wrapping your midsection for a few days. I've heard that works but I haven't ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Belly Fat” discussion

“My boyfriend will be meeting my ex-boyfriend for the first time this weekend so I will let you know how it goes. He almost met him awhile ago so I thought about this before. I told my boyfriend that ... ” –  alethea

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:47am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0