serendipity16 is offline serendipity16 Post #1  May 17,2009, 7:23am
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This may seem odd, but I have been in 2 relationships in the past few years (since I moved and started a new stage in my life). Things were good with both of them, we were exclusive really open about everything, loved spending time together every chance we got. Both were relatively long distance as well(under an hr of commute). Both of them were career oriented (included myself). I'll save the details, but needless to say, I connected with both of them at the time.
With the first guy, it was a mutual end at the 5-6 month mark. With the second guy, it was an abrupt (and unexpected from my side) end to the relationship after about 4-5 months, but we ended on good terms. What is it about this duration that has the guys running? What can I do to change it in the future?
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #2  May 17,2009, 8:06am
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A sample number of 2 isn't a statistical significance. It's just a coincidence.
But a 5-6 months is a decent time to know if you're going to work out with someone or not. It's got nothing to do with being a guy-it's got everything to do with how long it takes to actually get to know someone!
 
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JoJoBean is offline JoJoBean Post #3  May 17,2009, 9:32am
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Do you think this number is true with LDR as well? When I say Long distance I mean a few hours a way, seeing each other several weekends a month.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #4  May 17,2009, 9:41am
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JoJoBean wrote :
Do you think this number is true with LDR as well? When I say Long distance I mean a few hours a way, seeing each other several weekends a month.
If you're able to see each other "several weekends a month" then you've got some pretty amazing calendars where you live!
 
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JoJoBean is offline JoJoBean Post #5  May 17,2009, 9:50am
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We both bend for each other. Some months it is harder than others, I live in the Nevada sierra's
 
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serendipity16 is offline serendipity16 Post #6  May 17,2009, 5:18pm
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I considered them long distance just because it wasn't really practical to see each other on weekdays. And yes, in both instances we spent most weekends together. Now that I think about it, both of the relationships ended after we didn't see each other for 2 weekends in a row. Wayy too many parallels.
Just hope I'm not dating the 'same guy' or developing dating pattens.
 
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janissary is offline janissary Post #7  May 17,2009, 5:36pm
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Serendipity: you didn't say how old you and they are. If you're not young anymore, relationships usually don't drag on if there isn't a future. What I notice now in my 30s is that relationships tend to get shorter (now lasting 1-4 months, whereas they could last 2-4 years when I was in my teens and 20s) because you just figure things out sooner and don't put up with drama well.

So don't feel bad. They could just have a different path in life. Not much you can do, until you find a mellow guy who decides stick around for the long haul.
 
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serendipity16 is offline serendipity16 Post #8  May 18,2009, 9:26am
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janissary: I am 22 but my exes were about 5 years older, so mid 20s. And I am a no drama girl. I tend to know what I want, and so did they.

Oh well, thanks for your advice. I guess it is a good thing that we didn't waste each others' time.
 
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janissary is offline janissary Post #9  May 18,2009, 9:47am
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Ah, many men in their mid-20s are very unreliable. In fact, I have dated a bunch of men in their late 30s and early 40s with no drama other than the fact that they still want to play the field. So nothing you can do there.

A big factor in lasting relationships is convenience and overlap. The more common elements (like friends and family, interests and values, and everyday activities), the more glue that bonds you two long-term. It's just like anything else: out of sight, out of mind.

Don't feel bad. 22 is amazingly young! And lots of changes. Enjoy
 
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