Is he "just not that into me"


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mariachris is offline mariachris Post #1  May 11,2009, 2:50pm
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I met a guy online and after a few e-mails we spoke on thephone. We got on really well and had a good laugh chatting where i was told he was so pleaded to meet someone normal, friendly and fun finally.


We met the next night for a first date and things went well, where we agreed to meeting up the next week. He held my hand walking me to my car and gave me a kiss o the lips. about an hour later i got a call from him saying how much he enjoyed the night and meeting me. We spoke for a good while and flirted.


The next day he sent me a good morning text, phoned me in early am and evening and then late at night when he was getting off work. During these phone calls he made loads of references about this working out, joking about sharing household duties, possible holiday in august.


Then he went quiet. Got a brief call a couple of days later while he was at work and sounded distracted. I know he has an operation in a couple of days but i dont believe this is this cause of the brakes on how he is acting.


I'd really love a guys advice about whether this sounds like he changed his mind or is "busy" or backing off cos i'm really confused about the change in him.


thanks
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #2  May 11,2009, 4:15pm
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mariachris, wrote :

I met a guy online and after a few e-mails we spoke on thephone. We got on really well and had a good laugh chatting where i was told he was so pleaded to meet someone normal, friendly and fun finally.


We met the next night for a first date and things went well, where we agreed to meeting up the next week. He held my hand walking me to my car and gave me a kiss o the lips. about an hour later i got a call from him saying how much he enjoyed the night and meeting me. We spoke for a good while and flirted.


The next day he sent me a good morning text, phoned me in early am and evening and then late at night when he was getting off work. During these phone calls he made loads of references about this working out, joking about sharing household duties, possible holiday in august.


Then he went quiet. Got a brief call a couple of days later while he was at work and sounded distracted. I know he has an operation in a couple of days but i dont believe this is this cause of the brakes on how he is acting.


I'd really love a guys advice about whether this sounds like he changed his mind or is "busy" or backing off cos i'm really confused about the change in him.


thanks
Sounds like he's busy and distracted to me. Why don't you wait and ask this question after his operation? It might be more valid then.


Another possibility is that he spend way too much effort in thinking of and contacting you soon after the date and now he'd like to take a little more time and realistically try to pace his attention to you (given the fact that he has a lot going on right now).


Or maybe he just lost interest.


Who knows? LOL. Sorry. It's hard to guess what's going on inside of a mind of someone we've never met and get only your interpretation of the events!
 
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EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #3  May 11,2009, 4:28pm
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Is he having a vasectomy?


Sorry, I could not resist. The operation may be serious enough that he is nervous about it and is therefore not being himself. If I were you I would call him briefly after his surgery saying something that I hope it went well. Afterwards, I would wait and see if he would contact me again. If I didn't hear from him in a week after that, I'd move on. Actually, if it had been me, I would still be seeing other people since I'd only met him once
 
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singinggirl is online now singinggirl Post #4  May 11,2009, 7:41pm
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I'd always be cautious of anyone who goes overboard making too much contact or too many promises too fast. But then again, maybe I've been burned once too often!
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #5  May 11,2009, 8:30pm
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First, everyone is different. To make an assertion based on such limited input would be crazy. You sure know him (and yourself) better than any of us. I am a very open honest person. I cannot stand mind games and would never play them on someone else. It has been my experience that quite often no matter how truthful you are, many will still wonder "what does he mean by that" or "why did he tell me that." He might not know how you would respond to whatever might be going on and therefore is reluctant to share it with you. For ME, what I would hope you would do is be honest... ASK!! If you have questions ask, if he dosen't feel comfortable telling you, hopefully he is comfortable enough to tell you that he is unconfortable. Leaving communication to guessing can be a vicious / destructive cycle. "the truth will set you free"
 
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mariachris is offline mariachris Post #6  May 12,2009, 3:23pm
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hey ,thanks guys for the advice, and no it's not a vasectomy lol... he's having cysts removed from his abdomen and arm.


Not sure how to aproach with him the subject of how he's been blowing hot and cold and if he's interested or not (been a while since i've dated) so i guess i'm worried about what to say.


Got a text of him saying he was nervous about the op but nothing about being quiet (whichmay explain the past few days).


I would love to know if he is interested like he said last week but not sure how to ask?!!!


whats the best way to ask without sound like a pushy demanding person?
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #7  May 12,2009, 4:18pm
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singinggirl,613841 wrote :

I'd always be cautious of anyone who goes overboard making too much contact or too many promises too fast. But then again, maybe I've been burned once too often!
Close yourself off to being burned and you close yourself off to Mr. Right. If you only bet pennies, guess what the most you will ever win. Yes, I have been burned alomost beyond recognition. It sucks, but I refuse to crawl back into the shell which hid me from al the wonderful people that have told me (years later) "I wish you would have called"


I am sick of mind games. I tell the truth from day one. If the other party dosen't like it, they are not good enough for you. That "one" is out there for you. Anyone worth anything is worth an equal ammount of risk. Stay in your shell, don't get burned and you will be safe but you will never live.


The truth will set you free
 
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randomguy1 is offline randomguy1 Post #8  May 12,2009, 4:52pm
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i would like some advice too. I just moved to a new city and am 21. How should I be meeting women? Taking risks and approaching them?
 
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randomguy1 is offline randomguy1 Post #9  May 12,2009, 4:52pm
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i would like some advice too. I just moved to a new city and am 21. How should I be meeting women? Taking risks and approaching them?
 
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chibrook is offline chibrook Post #10  May 12,2009, 6:06pm
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If he has been initiating all the calling, texting, and such - maybe he is now wondering if you're really into him. He knows that you're aware he is getting this surgery - perhaps he is hoping that you'll initiate some contact to see how he's doing - I'm sure he's very stressed. Just a thought . . . But rather than sit around hypothesiziing about his quietness - pick up the phone and give him a call. I would.
 
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