daisyone is offline daisyone Post #1  May 9,2009, 6:51am
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Ok, first of all I am a widow in my mid 40's. I have been a widow for nearly 6 years. I am well educated andI have a good career as a registered nurse. I think I am relatively attractive. Or at least average. I am of average height and weight, and have been told I look younger than my age. My problem is even though I would love to start dating I can't seem to get started. I have friends who get divorced and are dating within the month.Whats wrong with me? Am I putting out the wrong signals? The only man I have dated since my husbands death was an old high school boyfriend from 30 years ago, and he is married. I want to find someone to share things with. I am getting tired of being alone. I got married when i was 19, so I missed out on alot. What am I doing wrong?
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #2  May 9,2009, 7:11am
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Daisyone, welcome to the eHarmony discussion boards.


We'll need more specifics about your dating frustrations. Sometimes it's not about looks, education, or career. Are you an eHarmony member (the dating site)? Tell us more about why you're having trouble meeting men.
 
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daisyone is offline daisyone Post #3  May 9,2009, 7:26am
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tbesq,611114 wrote :

Daisyone, welcome to the eHarmony discussion boards.


We'll need more specifics about your dating frustrations. Sometimes it's not about looks, education, or career. Are you an eHarmony member (the dating site)? Tell us more about why you're having trouble meeting men.

I think mainly its I don't know what to do. I just joined eharmony last week. Even though I have been single for 6 years I have never seen anybody who seemed interested in me as a possible dating partner. I don't think I know how to put myself out there. I think I close up in social situations.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  May 9,2009, 7:34am
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I believe a large component of being approached is how you manage your appearance, which has both longer term issues, like weight and grooming, but also quicker-fixes, like clothing and presentation.


Past that, in a sense it is easier to date being a woman, as men should be approaching you, despite being shy. Whereas men can wait a long time between approaches from women.


If six years have gone by, and you have not even any interest from men, I think that is definitely unusual, and a problem.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #5  May 9,2009, 7:41am
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daisyone,611126 wrote :

tbesq,611114 wrote :


Daisyone, welcome to the eHarmony discussion boards.


We'll need more specifics about your dating frustrations. Sometimes it's not about looks, education, or career. Are you an eHarmony member (the dating site)? Tell us more about why you're having trouble meeting men.





I think mainly its I don't know what to do. I just joined eharmony last week. Even though I have been single for 6 years I have never seen anybody who seemed interested in me as a possible dating partner. I don't think I know how to put myself out there. I think I close up in social situations.
This just might be it. You got married at 19. All the time you were married, you had no practice flirting with guys or developing a rapport with people in a way that showcased your sexuality. Of course this is a guess. You also might be very shy. And men who might want to approach you are probably reading that as a vibe that you're not to be approached. What do YOU do to attract men? This is the question you should be asking yourself. Because you could really really want to start dating again. But if you don't outwardly make yourself available with your body language then people will look at you as any other piece of furnature in the room-invisible.


I'm not saying to make a scene or go to the other extreme but dating is very much a social interaction. If you have historic trouble being socially outgoing it will magnify the problems. Young women at the age of 19 (when you were last sucessful) really don't need to learn social skills to get a date. They just have to be breathing. You now have to learn how to make use of your other assets. It takes practice. Go to social places. OUTSIDE of work!
 
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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #6  May 9,2009, 8:23am
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daisyone, You have to learn to be patient on internet dating services. If you've read any of the eH auccess stories, most times even if one of the partners was on only a brief time, the other quite often was on a very looooong time and quite often was ready to give up. Myself, I was on match.com for a year and never even got one date out of it. While still on it I joined eH the beginning of September and only at the end of January found what could be the love of my life. I consider myself really blessed, because so many have been on so much longer, still looking. If you are as nice as you say you are, you will eventually find the right person for you. Oh, and just because some friends are dating right away doesn't mean so much.
 
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daisyone is offline daisyone Post #7  May 9,2009, 9:20am
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pussinboots,611169 wrote :

daisyone, You have to learn to be patient on internet dating services. If you've read any of the eH auccess stories, most times even if one of the partners was on only a brief time, the other quite often was on a very looooong time and quite often was ready to give up. Myself, I was on match.com for a year and never even got one date out of it. While still on it I joined eH the beginning of September and only at the end of January found what could be the love of my life. I consider myself really blessed, because so many have been on so much longer, still looking. If you are as nice as you say you are, you will eventually find the right person for you. Oh, and just because some friends are dating right away doesn't mean so much.
Thanks for the encouragement. I will try to be more patient.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #8  May 9,2009, 6:23pm
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Welcome to EHadvice daisyone


As a nurse you know how important it is to smile in order to make the patient more comfortable. Outside of the hospital or clinic smiling is very important. Smiling conveys that you are open for one thing plus how you look at things even when you are down. How you dress during your off hours says alot too. Baggy clothes will get you nowhere. You do not have to show cleavage or wear revealing or too tight clothes to catch most guys eyes. Do not slouch or round the shoulders. In short put your best foot forward like you are going on a job interview every time you are outside of home. Good Luck
 
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angelwings8488 is offline angelwings8488 Post #9  May 9,2009, 6:45pm
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boccabum,611138 wrote :

daisyone,611126 wrote :


tbesq,611114 wrote :


Daisyone, welcome to the eHarmony discussion boards.


We'll need more specifics about your dating frustrations. Sometimes it's not about looks, education, or career. Are you an eHarmony member (the dating site)? Tell us more about why you're having trouble meeting men.





I think mainly its I don't know what to do. I just joined eharmony last week. Even though I have been single for 6 years I have never seen anybody who seemed interested in me as a possible dating partner. I don't think I know how to put myself out there. I think I close up in social situations.


This just might be it. You got married at 19. All the time you were married, you had no practice flirting with guys or developing a rapport with people in a way that showcased your sexuality. Of course this is a guess. You also might be very shy. And men who might want to approach you are probably reading that as a vibe that you're not to be approached. What do YOU do to attract men? This is the question you should be asking yourself. Because you could really really want to start dating again. But if you don't outwardly make yourself available with your body language then people will look at you as any other piece of furnature in the room-invisible.


I'm not saying to make a scene or go to the other extreme but dating is very much a social interaction. If you have historic trouble being socially outgoing it will magnify the problems. Young women at the age of 19 (when you were last sucessful) really don't need to learn social skills to get a date. They just have to be breathing. You now have to learn how to make use of your other assets. It takes practice. Go to social places. OUTSIDE of work!

Daisyone,


I am right there with you. I am inmy 40's, my husband has been deceased 10 years, and I can't seem to make contact with men. I, like you, don;t know how to put myself out there, and meet people. I too, am tired of being alone, and am ready to find my soul mate.
 
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