Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Ask a Dating Expert See what our experts have to say, and then weigh in with your own advice. This discussion board is a great place to discover the wisdom of the group.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
confusedinlove's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 1

See profile



My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 1/2 years. We have a great friendship... we are eachother's best friend and enjoy eachother's company. However, in the past year I have brought up the fact that we are mostly "just friends," and how it worries me that something isn't right and needs to be fixed. Since then my boyfriend and I have tried to put extra effort into creating more romance, but we always seem to end up as being "just friends". Recently, whenwediscussed this ongoing problem he came to the conclusion that he thinks he sees me as just a friend, and loves me but isn't "in love" with me. He doesn't want to break up, because he wants to give it time to see if his feelings come back. We also don't want to regretbreaking up with eachotherin the future. How long is too long to wait? Should we just end it now? I don't want to pressurehim. Also,if we do break up in the near future I don't think I can stay friends with him because of my deep feelings I have for him. I'm soconfused! What should I/we do?
- May 8th, 2009, 08:43 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
argytunes's Avatar

argytunes Misty and I are still trying to find a house closer to the beach

Veteran

Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 1,006

See profile



It's just a guess, but I think your 3.5 year relationship is..err..as good as it's going to get!


Many of us (myself included)can love a woman and cherish her friendship! BUT...when it comes to marriage, we'll put the brakes on!Most mencan't--and won't--be pressured into marriageor exclusivity


From the sound of your post, it's obvious that you'd likea serious commitment from him...am I right? Your feelings are deep and that's understandable after 3.5 years.Maybe you were expecting more? But right now this isn't going to happen!


If you can't accept the idea of being "just friends"---end the relationship and mean it! Your absence (might) make his heart grow fonder?


Good Luck!


argytunes
- May 9th, 2009, 08:10 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
Doctora2012's Avatar

Doctora2012 is happy.

Pacesetter

Join Date: Nov 2007

Posts: 294

See profile



It sounds as though you two have something beautiful together...maybe it's just a matter of time before the romance rekindles?


How long have you felt that you two are "just friends"? How long ago did he fall out of love? If it's been feeling like you have more of a friendship than a relationship for some time now, then there's a huge chance that the romantic feelings may not return. All relationships take much effort, and staying in love requires that the relationship be nurtured.


I'd encourage you to hang on and try to rekindle the romantic feelings in the relationship, simply because it seems as though you two have a wonderful connection (I'd love to find someone whom I cansee as my life partner and bestfriend! .


Hang on for how long? I think it'll be up to you determine this. How long can youcontinue in this relationship,knowing that he's notin love with you any longer? Your heart and health come first. If you begin to feel as though thispseudo-relationship is emotionally draining andsimply not providing the type of love that you're looking for, then it'll bea sign to move on...


....I hopeeverything works out for you.





...Best wishes
- May 9th, 2009, 08:29 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
angelofmerci's Avatar

angelofmerci loves the feel of the wind blowing in his face while riding the curves

Veteran

Join Date: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,304

See profile



I would give this relationship six more months. If the passion is not restored by that time then I would pack up and leave for good. I would not leave the door open to a friendship as you have had enough of that already plus it is going to be hard enough to call an end to this relationship. You are going to feel like you are going through a divorce which is only natural considering the time and effort you have invested in this relationship. Take time to regroup and recover. Good Luck
- May 10th, 2009, 09:24 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Relax. Have fun. Lilycat” – Lilycat

Join the “always so paranoid” discussion

“I'm not sure if you are ranting or asking something. Were you asking for advice whether to talk to them in Facebook? If yes, then it all boils down to this question: if you saw these ladies on FB ... ” – MMingE

Join the “matches dont respond/their profile says contact them on face book” discussion

“ Although I don't doubt there are men that can be attracted that would not "poof" because of your behavior I would have to say that the fact they don't "poof" is the most damaging evidence of their ... ” – Can_I_just_be_Jo

Join the “Need some advice please...” discussion

“ He knows the abuse wasn't sexual, and he knows I am not gay or bisexual.” – charity8987

Join the “Argh, screwed up with new guy.” discussion

“my dream color is medium red brown with auburn tones” – jtwark

Join the “L'Oréal's 'Find Your Fall Hair Color' Sweepstakes!” discussion

“"Billed in one installment of $239.40" means, "Billed once for $239.40." Pardon me for saying this, but if I had less than $40 in my bank account, buying an eHarmony subscription will be the least ... ” – Coca-Cola

Join the “eHarmony payment plans” discussion

“It appears the OP hasn't participated in EhA since she login and posed her question initially. We all come to these advise boards with so many different backgrounds...in fact I wrote another post on ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:42 am.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0