confusedinlove is offline confusedinlove Post #1  May 8,2009, 7:43pm
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 1/2 years. We have a great friendship... we are eachother's best friend and enjoy eachother's company. However, in the past year I have brought up the fact that we are mostly "just friends," and how it worries me that something isn't right and needs to be fixed. Since then my boyfriend and I have tried to put extra effort into creating more romance, but we always seem to end up as being "just friends". Recently, whenwediscussed this ongoing problem he came to the conclusion that he thinks he sees me as just a friend, and loves me but isn't "in love" with me. He doesn't want to break up, because he wants to give it time to see if his feelings come back. We also don't want to regretbreaking up with eachotherin the future. How long is too long to wait? Should we just end it now? I don't want to pressurehim. Also,if we do break up in the near future I don't think I can stay friends with him because of my deep feelings I have for him. I'm soconfused! What should I/we do?
 
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argytunes is offline argytunes Post #2  May 9,2009, 7:10am
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It's just a guess, but I think your 3.5 year relationship is..err..as good as it's going to get!


Many of us (myself included)can love a woman and cherish her friendship! BUT...when it comes to marriage, we'll put the brakes on!Most mencan't--and won't--be pressured into marriageor exclusivity


From the sound of your post, it's obvious that you'd likea serious commitment from him...am I right? Your feelings are deep and that's understandable after 3.5 years.Maybe you were expecting more? But right now this isn't going to happen!


If you can't accept the idea of being "just friends"---end the relationship and mean it! Your absence (might) make his heart grow fonder?


Good Luck!


argytunes
 
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Doctora2012 is offline Doctora2012 Post #3  May 9,2009, 7:29pm
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It sounds as though you two have something beautiful together...maybe it's just a matter of time before the romance rekindles?


How long have you felt that you two are "just friends"? How long ago did he fall out of love? If it's been feeling like you have more of a friendship than a relationship for some time now, then there's a huge chance that the romantic feelings may not return. All relationships take much effort, and staying in love requires that the relationship be nurtured.


I'd encourage you to hang on and try to rekindle the romantic feelings in the relationship, simply because it seems as though you two have a wonderful connection (I'd love to find someone whom I cansee as my life partner and bestfriend! .


Hang on for how long? I think it'll be up to you determine this. How long can youcontinue in this relationship,knowing that he's notin love with you any longer? Your heart and health come first. If you begin to feel as though thispseudo-relationship is emotionally draining andsimply not providing the type of love that you're looking for, then it'll bea sign to move on...


....I hopeeverything works out for you.





...Best wishes
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #4  May 10,2009, 8:24am
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I would give this relationship six more months. If the passion is not restored by that time then I would pack up and leave for good. I would not leave the door open to a friendship as you have had enough of that already plus it is going to be hard enough to call an end to this relationship. You are going to feel like you are going through a divorce which is only natural considering the time and effort you have invested in this relationship. Take time to regroup and recover. Good Luck
 
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