incognito32 is offline incognito32 Post #1  May 8,2009, 12:38am
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hello all on this cyberspace advice board...


I'm just starting to date again after being on my own for quite a few years.


I have a condition that I'll have for life, but in the big scheme of things, really isn't a big deal once you've dealt with it. The biggest problem this condition causes me is when to tell a potential romantic partner about it. Well, that, and the stigma attached to it.


I've had a few guys break things off because of it, and others havesaid it's not a big deal. But, when to tell? Doesn't feel like first date material. However, it would almost feel like lying to have it go on for very longwithout them knowing.


When would you tell?


Oh, by the way, it's HSV2 (g.herpes) I'm talking about, a gift bestowed upon me by a cheating ex.
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #2  May 8,2009, 11:47am
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See if this helps........


http://advice.eharmony.ca/?keyword=h...e=search_posts
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #3  May 8,2009, 12:06pm
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General rule with this is before you decide to become intimate with him. If your're going to have sex with him far into the future, then you should tell him soon enough that he can opt out of the relationship without feeling he's "wasted his time" and before you both become so invested emotionally into a relationship that you'll be afraid to tell him.


Otherwise, I agree, it's not 1st or even 2nd date material.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  May 8,2009, 2:20pm
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I agree with boccabum.


Sorry.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #5  May 8,2009, 2:23pm
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D_Lion,610026 wrote :

I agree with boccabum.


Sorry.
Sorry? Is it so horrible to agree with me? LOL.
 
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ANWmo1 is offline ANWmo1 Post #6  May 8,2009, 7:16pm
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I agree with bocca and d...if a gentlman and I had decided that we were going to be exclusive I would tell him. If you're intimate before that then he needs to know sooner.
 
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JMWTurnerFan is offline JMWTurnerFan Post #7  May 9,2009, 7:03pm
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I'll add my agreement as well. Definitely before intimacy. Probably not the first couple of dates. But don't wait that long, either. Otherwise people will feel led along -- even those who might have stayed in a relationship with you.
 
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mk_in_sf is offline mk_in_sf Post #8  May 9,2009, 7:44pm
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I've been on the receiving end of this news twice. On one occasion I thought it was handled extremely well, and it was a non-issue. On the other occasion it was handled extremely poorly and became a major stumbling block in the relationship.


The lady that handled it well was very "matter of fact" and understood that I wouldn't want to acquire the virus from her and was very understanding about my potential reaction (it probably helped that she is a Physician). She explained the situation (infection 3+ years earlier, daily does of anti-viral medication and no outbreaks since the initial infection) and also was very understanding about my potential reaction. I truly appreciated her direct and reasonable way of dealing with the matter. It didn't cause an issue, and after over two years of intimacy, she never had an outbreak and I didn't acquire the virus.


In the other situation, the women was quite emotional and irrational about it, and told me after we had been intimate. She positioned it as a "deal-breaker" and was completely unsympathetic to my desire not to acquire the virus. Ultimately, her unwillingness to consider my position and views in this and other areas ended the relationship.


Couple of points to make.


1. It's Herpes-not HIV. It just isn't that big of a deal.


2. No one wants to get Herpes.


3. If they haven't been down this road before, it will take some time to process.


4. In most cases, it isn't that contagious. I know several people that have never had a second outbreak.


5. You can look at as a good thing. If a guy is serious enough about you to risk getting Herpes, he is serious about you.





Don't give it too much energy. You're not alone, and it isn't that big of a deal.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #9  May 10,2009, 7:13am
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As someone who not only dated but was engaged to a girl with HerpesI think the others are correct. My girl told me about her condition when things started to get serious before we were intimate. Armed with all the information she gave me I was able to learn more and get a better understanding of what I was getting into. Even though I broke off the relationship for other reasons, I am still herpes free after almost 30 years. I did not judge her or her actions.
 
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anita925 is offline anita925 Post #10  May 10,2009, 7:11pm
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Incognito,


If you are new to these boards, please know that the membersoffering advicehave very good collective, individualand mature commonsense. Visit here often.


As for your dilemma, the concensus is that it probably isn't first date material unless you plan to be intimate. If it is weighing you down, open-up. You will both be better off sooner, if this "Secret" is bothering you to the point of distraction. We need to be authentic with ourselves first and foremost before we can be real with others. Again, it's no big deal. Good luck!


AJ
 
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