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decrescentisr decrescentisr is offline
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decrescentisr is perplexed

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Alright so I went out with this amazing woman that I have been friends with for 4 years. I saw her on Friday and she was telling me that she hasn't found the right man to date so she has given up dating altogether. So I dug deeper and found out the reason why is because she dates men that want to use her for a physical relationship and nothing else. She goes out with them and then she calls them after two days for a follow up and the men freak out. So where am I in the picture....well...I told her that I would never do that and her reply was that I was a normal guy. She has been sending me signals every time we see each other but yet when we go out to do something she distances herself from me. It's like part of her wants to be in a relationship and the other half doesn't. Unfortunately she listens to the half that doesn't want anything but friends. Her parents and I get along just fine and they enjoy my company. I think the reason being is because I am a Christian man with a relationship with Christ. I don't think any of the other guys she hangs with are Christians with a relationship with Christ. So I am perplexed to tell her how I really feel about the situation or just hold back. We have been in a similar situation before to where we had to let the 20 ton pink elephant out of the closet to solve a conflict but nothing like this. So...I askwhat should I do?
- April 26th, 2009, 04:46 pm
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treatmesweetly treatmesweetly is offline
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Are you sure she's "sending you signals", or are you hoping that she's sending you signals?? You wrote that she keeps getting caught up in physical relationships with guys who want nothing to do with her afterward. I'm assuming you're referring to sex. Does she have a relationship with Christ? Does that matter to you? Are you against pre-marital sex? If so, have you expressed this viewpoint to her (because no one wants someone who will constantly judge them and throw their past mistakes in their face)?


What exactly is the 20 ton pink elephant... Your feelings for her? The way she's living her life? Your relationship with Christ? Her relationship (or lack of one) with Christ?
- April 26th, 2009, 04:59 pm
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DancingFool DancingFool is offline
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Hmm....what do her parents liking you have to do with her? I've always found that curious. If her family likes me so must she. Well, she is an individual with individual tastes and desires that have little to do with her family's likes. The fact of the matter is that parents will "like" whoever is a normal person or whoever their offspring choses for themselves for the most part, barring actual known abuse.In other words the whole her family likes me really has no value as far as her attraction to you is concerned. Also, what does your relationship with Christ have to do with her attraction to you? Nothing.


Having said that, it would seem that you are attracted to her but she is not attracted to you. She may talk to you about her frustrations with dating the same way she talks to her girlfriends, but that is not a signal for you to come "save" her. As for her sending "signals", I'll echo the above post in, are you sure you are not seeing them because you want to see them? The real signal is that she won't date you.
- April 27th, 2009, 07:05 am
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argytunes argytunes is offline
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argytunes Misty and I are still trying to find a house closer to the beach

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Unless there's a mutual exclusive/no dating others agreement between the 2 of you...it would be a lot better if youdismiss any possibility of a long-term relationship! It sounds like the lady would rather "shop for a date" according to her own terms and desires!


I admit this isn't something you want to hear, but one-sided relationships rarely work out! Sorry!


argytunes
- April 27th, 2009, 09:40 am
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MelinCali MelinCali is offline
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DancingFool wrote :

Hmm....what do her parents liking you have to do with her? I've always found that curious. If her family likes me so must she. Well, she is an individual with individual tastes and desires that have little to do with her family's likes. The fact of the matter is that parents will "like" whoever is a normal person or whoever their offspring choses for themselves for the most part, barring actual known abuse.In other words the whole her family likes me really has no value as far as her attraction to you is concerned. Also, what does your relationship with Christ have to do with her attraction to you? Nothing.


Having said that, it would seem that you are attracted to her but she is not attracted to you. She may talk to you about her frustrations with dating the same way she talks to her girlfriends, but that is not a signal for you to come "save" her. As for her sending "signals", I'll echo the above post in, are you sure you are not seeing them because you want to see them? The real signal is that she won't date you.
I am completely in agreement with DancingFool here. I found it perplexing that you would even point out that her parents like you. That is completely irrelevant--we are not in a culture where parents are arranging marriages.


If she was attracted to you, she would be giving you the signals while you are out . I think you might be misinterpreting things she does that signify friendship as a signal of romantic interest, but without knowing what these signals are, it's hard to say for sure.


Are you talking about her smiling and making good eye contact with you when you meet? Maybe a hug hello or goodbye and a touch on the arm?


All these things can be quite typical in interactions among friends, especially if a person tends to be more of the personality type that does touch friends quite a bit when connecting in conversation.
- April 28th, 2009, 09:38 am
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