Do guys REALLY want to pay for the date?


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jomarie is offline jomarie Post #1  April 21,2009, 1:22pm
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If you're dating a man who obviously makes a very good living, does he get insulted by a woman's attempt to pay?Should we women just sit back and enjoy the perk, or should we be paying for our share of dates regardless of his ability to pay? I personally, am more eager to pay when Ithink the guy's salary isin the same ballpark as mine.How do you men feel aboutit, and at what point are you comfortable with letting her pay?
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #2  April 21,2009, 1:30pm
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My own personal opinion. I love it when a women pays. To me, it shows individuality and responsibility. At the same time, i do not look at it as a detriment if i end up footing the bill.


But then again, opinions vary so you never know what is really going on. Some guys get insulted if a woman pays because it makes them less of a man. You laugh, but i know people like this. Some women i know get insulted if a man doesn't pay because they feel they're "entited" to it. Some women i know pay when they don't see any future in dating, and just want to be able to leave without being beholden to some guy. Some guys think that if they pay, they're entitled to "compenstation".


I don't think it has anything to do with income level and everything to do with individual views and preferences. There is no right answer, just your answer. Figure out what you're comfortable with and stick with it. Who cares what anyone else thinks about it.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  April 21,2009, 1:38pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I like paying for a first date. If we continue seeing each other I appreciate if she offers and pays for dates occasionally. It makes me feel like she's willing to give and share things, including costs.
 
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iilah is offline iilah Post #4  April 21,2009, 1:44pm
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It is a huge impressive turn on when the guy takes charge and pays. It's like he's taking care of me and just generally cowboying up and being a man. I guess I am old fashioned and think that those nice social role have gotten lost with all this contemporary female empowerment. I am disasterously independant, too independant I've been told, so for me if a guy steps up to the plate and looks after the date (and me!) it makes me weak in the knees!
 
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PY is offline PY Post #5  April 21,2009, 1:44pm

Sometimes...just be a bigger person and take the high road.

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LOL 'really' is not the correct word...maybe more like it is expected for guys to pay for up to 3rd date...although fortunately in my brief experience with EH, I paid for the first two dates (for each of my matches)...then on a 3rd, one of my matchesactually insisted that she paid for the after-game meal while I paid forthebowling games. It makes me feel less 'taken'.


I know I know...I'm a cheap doode....
 
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PY is offline PY Post #6  April 21,2009, 1:49pm

Sometimes...just be a bigger person and take the high road.

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iilah,588016 wrote :

It is a huge impressive turn on when the guy takes charge and pays. It's like he's taking care of me and just generally cowboying up and being a man. I guess I am old fashioned and think that those nice social role have gotten lost with all this contemporary female empowerment. I am disasterously independant, too independant I've been told, so for me if a guy steps up to the plate and looks after the date (and me!) it makes me weak in the knees!
Ugh..equating paying for a date and being a man......blach


I'm so glad this does not apply to me though since I'm not a cowboy!!
 
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jomarie is offline jomarie Post #7  April 21,2009, 2:06pm
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I'm comfortable with paying, but not at the expense of the guys feelings, which I find difficult to judge. (Obviously, or I wouldn't be asking the question!) Personally, I would hope that if a guy sees me pay, he realizes that I'm as invested in getting to know one another as he is, and I'm not just there for a free lunch!
 
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PY is offline PY Post #8  April 21,2009, 2:11pm

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jomarie,588034 wrote :


I'm comfortable with paying, but not at the expense of the guys feelings, which I find difficult to judge. (Obviously, or I wouldn't be asking the question!) Personally, I would hope that if a guy sees me pay, he realizes that I'm as invested in getting to know one another as he is, and I'm not just there for a free lunch!


Naah...we're already prepared to pay for the dinner anyway...first dates normally coffee/brunch (unless you go to a pretentious coffee place where you buy a nine dollar croissants....a typica decent nice brunch/coffee places have decent menus for around $15-40)..even if you go to lunch/dinner on a second date(unless you want to show off and be on a cruise ship, steak and lobster), most average meals would be about $40-60 for two people. So if a guy hastwo datesevery 9-12 months, that's like $100 maxa year...which is not bad at all.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #9  April 21,2009, 3:06pm
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If you're dating a man who obviously makes a very good living, does he get insulted by a woman's attempt to pay? [/b]


No. Quite the opposite, in fact. I am so turned off by anyone with an unwarranted sense of entitlement[/i] that I’ve never encountered someone with enough redeeming qualities to get past that issue. I also like accomplished, independent women who know what they want, go after what they want, and understand that things are earned.


Should we women just sit back and enjoy the perk, or should we be paying for our share of dates regardless of his ability to pay? [/b]


One suggestion I would keep in the back of your mind, is that high income should not be used to assume high discretionary income – he probably also has obligations which are much higher than yours. A different, but often related, metric is a high rate of income growth[/i]; this seems to make people more generous (did for me.)


Men like me will dump you fast for expecting, requesting, or nagging[/i] for support. Others more slowly; some may start to see you as the doormat (you are) and become controlling. Shocking portion of women seemed okay with that, though.


For me, there is a clear issue; if she expresses entitlement[/i] to my money due to being a woman, she gets dumped. It is not the fact of consuming my generosity, it is the feeling that she deserves it.


I personally, am more eager to pay when I think the guy's salary is in the same ballpark as mine. [/b]


I have some experience in this direction as well – but do you accept a man controlling the relationship in proportion to who pays how much (as I do)?


Keep in mind, there is no need to go outside your comfort zone. If he likes going out for a $500 dinner every week, I do not think you should feel bad about not contributing. But, if I heard “it’s Friday, aren’t you taking me out?”, that would probably be the end of the road.


How do you men feel about it, and at what point are you comfortable with letting her pay?[/b]


First meetings I like 50 / 50 (or thereabouts.) “Meetings” are what happens from the internet, where there is no clear invitation extended from one party to the other. That said, I do not really care if she does not contribute, but if she doesn’t get the next one it will almost certainly end at that point (though I have made exceptions for students, and when I chose someplace ostensibly out of her reach.)


Fake invitations to contribute, or hollow gestures, like offering the tip, are worse than simply sitting demurely and then sincerely thanking the man. (Not receiving a thank you equals no more dates.)
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #10  April 21,2009, 3:45pm
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First couple of dates, the man I have been seeing, paid. Now, I pay the tab or he does. We don't take turns/keep trackor go dutch, ugh. I just feel it shows mutual interest and being mindful of each others finances.
 
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