What about this 'welcoming' idea?


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onidaltd is offline onidaltd Post #1  March 9,2009, 3:57am
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From the thread dating advice boards>dating>
Welcoming, a theory in eHarmony : and the romance stimulus package tip


It is my theory that the woman (only in a rare situation can a man progress a relationship) has to initiate the possibility for romance by welcoming the ‘potential’ for a romantic experience. Without it, dating is only an extension of the eH ground work. It has been my experience that my wheels have been left spinning at the end of an unsuccessful eH match encounter because I didn’t ‘get the bid’. To hear, ‘I didn’t feel that the chemistry was there’ is the frustration that prompted this writing. Attention girls!, the chemistry might be there but you have to welcome it. You won’t be saying, ‘let’s go all the way’ or ‘I do’, but ‘you’ll do’, and every guy needs to hear it. If you go out with two guys try this on one, take his hand, look in his eyes and say “I could see me loving you”, because if you accept him you will see him as the romantic fool that he really is, miss this step and you might only see him try.





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Question: Can this hurt?, Is it a good idea? do you think that the chemistry can be missed if not initiated in a relationship?
 
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McT is offline McT Post #2  March 9,2009, 4:43am
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I don't think anyone can force feelings for someone. I think feelings can develop with time as people get to know each other better, so sometimes you may not feel anything romantic for a person initially, but this can happen maybe months down the line. Now this is ok in normal everyday life where you may be seeing someone socially & getting to know them this way- but you simply can't date someone you met online for months, just to see if something develops - it adds a lot of pressure to the interaction, & also is unfair to both people. Not to mention there's a lot of time investment involved if you try to do this with every person you go and meet.


So I think the majority of people, men and women, will try at most a few dates with someone they feel is interesting, to see if anything might develop. Everyone has to figure out their own comfort level when it comes to how long they're willing to invest in this kind of thing. If someone needs to feel something the first time they meet someone, then that's fine. Others may be willing to go on for months - that's fine too. Everyone is different, we can only respect that.
 
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r10renault is offline r10renault Post #3  March 9,2009, 4:56am
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This was my post and will admit that, for some, the welcoming works its way out without any conscious effort and some might have a fireworks display that transcends any introduction. For me, with the spinning wheels, I was proactive in the ground work but a spectator in the initiation of romance. Like the fireman waiting to get the call, I was ready, but unfortunately was only notified that the fire was out.


I made it clear what I was thinking, where I was coming from, where I wanted to go and how I was going to get there, so yes, I was proactive. To hear "I think you are a great guy but..." is always the last thing you want to hear but apparently it was louder than the clicking I heard. I know what ruins a date and that it is different for everyone and cues are everything, so patience is a dating prerequisite. To tell your date, 'your it' is a kiss of death for the guy that said it (first). I am sure that if I was welcomed, I could have carried the ball in for a touchdown but I can't catch the pass that is not thrown.
 
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r10renault is offline r10renault Post #4  March 9,2009, 5:11am
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I understand about 'forcing' a relationship and evolution, I think the tip is more about 'missing' a potentially perfect relationship by not initiating it. Uncorking the wine and pouring it into the appropriate glass are the steps you follow to enjoying your first sip, doing the Q and A on eH might be uncorking but without initiating the romance the guy might be left drinking from the bottle alone on the street corner with a stray dog named pal (I'm guessing)
 
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Vaire1967 is offline Vaire1967 Post #5  March 9,2009, 6:33am
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i hear this same sentiment echoed all over the boards, r10. You just have a more poetic way of articulating it.


i think a lot of us are too marinated in fears - gunshy and all, so we DO need at least a confirmation of the possibility for a welcome. Ok, i'm just talking about myself.


i saw your reply to me in your other thread... wasn't sure how to reply. i guess i fumbled the pass.
 
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Vaire1967 is offline Vaire1967 Post #6  March 9,2009, 6:33am
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P.S. Toystory is so great =)
 
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r10renault is offline r10renault Post #7  March 9,2009, 7:46am
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Keep your head down, put your best foot forward, anticipate the play, don't leave early, go when the play starts, I'll try to find you down field. If you drop the ball we still have two more downs and all of the second half, try again.





You have a longer field, must be in Canada.


BC is beautiful in the summer, my son was a fellow at Frasier, I might see you when I come for my vintage Volvo.





You were unsure who's job the initiation was, we all have our job to do, mine is to say hi, yours is to say I like the way you said hi. Welcoming is only flirting with intent, I'm not re-writing the play book just replating an old play. It's a special play, we'll use it when we go up against eHarmony, They're tough. We never used to use this play because we knew our opponents better, now we are just relying on the scouts and you know how they can be misguided. (bad match reference)
 
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Vaire1967 is offline Vaire1967 Post #8  March 9,2009, 7:56am
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It's good.
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #9  March 9,2009, 8:14am
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lol thanks vaire, I'm here, but have nothing to add to this thread


ahahaha
 
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r10renault is offline r10renault Post #10  March 9,2009, 9:07am
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I am a stealth ninja, stalkers are always welcome here, I have nothing to fear but,,,,


please don't point that finger at me
 
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