ConcernedMom is offline ConcernedMom Post #1  March 4,2009, 3:49am
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I have a 17 yo daughter that has had only 4 or 5 guys interested in her. SHe has had maybe 4 real dates that never really go anywhere. Her first real boyfriend was when she was 14 and he was 18. We were against this, but allowed it with very close supervision...thinking it would not last long...it went on for 5 months and they still talk. There is a mutual caring, but she has moved on from this and feels he does not have much to offer her...(not in college). She is popular at school, high achieving and very mature, both in behavior and in her looks...always has been. She is taller than average and very attractive. Others think so as well. I THINK SHE IS QUITE BEAUTIFUL! I worry that her waning love life is hurting her self-esteem, but try to encourage her that college will be different and helping her to recognize that she is kinda picky with her standards, which I honestly do not regret. THe poor girl goes to prom by herself and other events alone. which she complains about, but goes anyway and has fun. Any advice on how to keep her from feeling low about herself? I cannot understand how such a pretty, funny, "unclingy" girl could be so lonely? She seems like the perfect girlfriend to me! She is a total sports nut (should been a boy-lol!), independent, confident, smartand very loyal...but nusually mature for her age...I have herd this countless times from teachers and other adults as well...any thoughts? It breaks my heart when she tears up and asks me what is wrong with her?
 
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zal is offline zal Post #2  March 4,2009, 9:47am
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ConcernedMom, wrote :

I have a 17 yo daughter that has had only 4 or 5 guys interested in her. SHe has had maybe 4 real dates that never really go anywhere. Her first real boyfriend was when she was 14 and he was 18. We were against this, but allowed it with very close supervision...thinking it would not last long...it went on for 5 months and they still talk. There is a mutual caring, but she has moved on from this and feels he does not have much to offer her...(not in college). She is popular at school, high achieving and very mature, both in behavior and in her looks...always has been. She is taller than average and very attractive. Others think so as well. I THINK SHE IS QUITE BEAUTIFUL! I worry that her waning love life is hurting her self-esteem, but try to encourage her that college will be different and helping her to recognize that she is kinda picky with her standards, which I honestly do not regret. THe poor girl goes to prom by herself and other events alone. which she complains about, but goes anyway and has fun. Any advice on how to keep her from feeling low about herself? I cannot understand how such a pretty, funny, "unclingy" girl could be so lonely? She seems like the perfect girlfriend to me! She is a total sports nut (should been a boy-lol!), independent, confident, smartand very loyal...but nusually mature for her age...I have herd this countless times from teachers and other adults as well...any thoughts? It breaks my heart when she tears up and asks me what is wrong with her?




Aside from complaining about going to the prom alone, does her lack of a boyfriend bother her? There's only a problem if it's a problem for her. You are correct that college will be different.
 
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constantseeker is offline constantseeker Post #3  March 4,2009, 10:44am
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Your daughter sounds eerily like my niece (same age and everything, although my niece hasn't really been dating at all) who studies all of the time and is a high achiever - also quite beautiful and possibly a bit picky as well. She's more on the serious side than bubbly, but she has a great sense of humor.I am proud that her priorities are in order (her education, her hobbies, her friends), but lately she has been feeling down that all of her friends are dating, she doesn't have a date for the prom yet and no boys show interest in her beyond friendship. Of course you can tell them they possess allof the qualities that they actually do and not be biased (well, maybe a little...!) but they don't believe you -I actually had this conversation with her yesterday and she sarcastic'd (bit of astretchusing thisword - or non-word) her way out of everything I told her.


I really hate the thought that she may startbasing her self-esteem on how she is treated byboys.That is what I have done my whole life and I am a MESS!!!


I have a great story about applesand grapes that I want to dig up and send to you on PM.


C'mon college!!! It's a whole 'nother world!You'll get some good advice onthese boards -lot'sof wise people on here.
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #4  March 4,2009, 11:21am
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OP, she sounds like a well rounded girl with a lot of great qualities.


I can't understand the 'what is wrong with me' question or the sense offeeling lonesome. It's likely just a stage she is going through.


I wasn't blessed with children, so I have no answers except,listen to her, observe her, and most of all, continue supporting her.
 
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gr8guy is offline gr8guy Post #5  March 4,2009, 1:32pm
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If you're concerned about the lack of males in her life at a time when she should have them circling the house encourage her to seek out nerdy/geeky guys. They are safe, loyal, and have a lot to offer a young lady like your daughter.
 
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m8se69 is offline m8se69 Post #6  March 4,2009, 2:44pm
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Perhaps the boys are just intimidated?


She has her entire life ahead of her. Remind her that high school is a blink in the eye of life.
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #7  March 4,2009, 4:05pm
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Hm, I didn't even have my first kiss until I was 18, so I don't understand what she is complaining about.... Boys will come! Now I have to beat the off with a stick! LOL! Kidding....!
 
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