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bagpiper is offline bagpiper Post #1  February 19,2009, 7:56am
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I recently meet someone on eHarmony and we clicked very well and had lots in common. After talking on the phone for almost three weeks (lots of business travel during that time) we meet for coffee. Again, things seemed to click and she was consistently texting or calling. We went out on two dates and after the second date I could tell there was some distance and I ask her about it. She said some old boyfriend contacted her and she was confused. I don't think I came off desperate or anything, I think I played if very well. I guess my question is this, do women make up old boyfriend story's so they don't have to break it off themselves? I actually kind of broke it off, I guess. I am not certain she was going to do it and I just did it first.
 
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zen is offline zen Post #2  February 19,2009, 8:06am
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bagpiper, wrote :

I recently meet someone on eHarmony and we clicked very well and had lots in common. After talking on the phone for almost three weeks (lots of business travel during that time) we meet for coffee. Again, things seemed to click and she was consistently texting or calling. We went out on two dates and after the second date I could tell there was some distance and I ask her about it. She said some old boyfriend contacted her and she was confused. I don't think I came off desperate or anything, I think I played if very well. I guess my question is this, do women make up old boyfriend story's so they don't have to break it off themselves? I actually kind of broke it off, I guess. I am not certain she was going to do it and I just did it first.
I think maybe it was a test to see how you would react and to gauge your intrest in her. I think maybe you should have played it out a little more if you were intrested in her. And don't be so eager to be the first to end things don't let pride get in the way.


(on a side note how long did it take for them to review and post your post?)
 
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bagpiper is offline bagpiper Post #3  February 19,2009, 8:17am
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One more caveat, we were suppose to have lunch the next day and I ask her if she wanted to cancel and she said yes. I took this for her wanting to end things.
 
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zen is offline zen Post #4  February 19,2009, 8:19am
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bagpiper,494753 wrote :

One more caveat, we were suppose to have lunch the next day and I ask her if she wanted to cancel and she said yes. I took this for her wanting to end things.
Yeah that was a definite caveat that was needed. And yeah she wanted to end things
 
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constantseeker is offline constantseeker Post #5  February 19,2009, 8:39am
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I agree with Zen, but she may not have "made up" an ex-boyfriend; I only wish for your sake (and others who reach out for loveon these sites) that she had waited until she was over her ex before "fishing" again. I wish you better luck next time. If you feel you are clicking with someone again, maybe you could ask about who might be lurking in their past? In a casual way, if that's possible.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #6  February 19,2009, 8:40am
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bagpiper, wrote :

I recently meet someone on eHarmony and we clicked very well and had lots in common. After talking on the phone for almost three weeks (lots of business travel during that time) we meet for coffee. Again, things seemed to click and she was consistently texting or calling. We went out on two dates and after the second date I could tell there was some distance and I ask her about it. She said some old boyfriend contacted her and she was confused. I don't think I came off desperate or anything, I think I played if very well. I guess my question is this, do women make up old boyfriend story's so they don't have to break it off themselves? I actually kind of broke it off, I guess. I am not certain she was going to do it and I just did it first.
You did very well here. I think you don't need to worry about what excuse they use, if she's not interested. Rather, think of it this way:


If she was interested in you, she'd go out again, and she wouldn't be distant.


If she's not interested in you, that's ok. There's plenty of fish in the sea.


If she wanted to spare your feelings by detaching emotionally, then you did the right thing, because who wants someone who isn't interested or plays those kind of games.


If she was genuinely confused, let her work out what she wants, and if it's you, than great, and if it's not you, than that's not a big deal, because you deserve someone who wants you just as much as you want them. There was one girl who I was talking to a while ago, and we chatted on the phone, and in our first phone conversation she was like, "I still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend." and I said to her, "Well, when you work out those feelings, give me a call. Have a good night." (I said this in a nicer way, of course). I don't play second fiddle.


See, what you did was right on. There ARE other girls on eHarmony that are interesting and attractive. So no worries.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #7  February 19,2009, 8:58am
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If she's 'confused', she's just not that into you.





Confused....sheesh...That's such an old grade school line.
 
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bagpiper is offline bagpiper Post #8  February 19,2009, 9:00am
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One more thing I find interesting...on the first date she was complaining about her ex-boyfriends and what jerks they were. It did kind of bring up a red flag.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #9  February 19,2009, 12:38pm
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bagpiper,494818 wrote :

One more thing I find interesting...on the first date she was complaining about her ex-boyfriends and what jerks they were. It did kind of bring up a red flag.
I can't stand girls who do this. All of the ones that I've dated that did this didn't get a second date.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #10  February 19,2009, 2:55pm
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bagpiper,494818 wrote :

One more thing I find interesting...on the first date she was complaining about her ex-boyfriends and what jerks they were. It did kind of bring up a red flag.
Sometimes when women go on and on about how their exes are jerks, it's because they still have hurt feelings over them. They aren't really healed and ready to move on. Then again, sometimes the guys just ARE jerks. You can usually tell which it is by how emotional she gets about the subject.


Sorry to hear about what happened to you.
 
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