Why don't they follow eHarmony Guidelines?


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itsbits is offline itsbits Post #1  January 27,2009, 7:07am
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This question is for the guys, but might be for the girls if you're finding this the case too? Why don't the men follow the eharmony guidelines for going through the Open Communication Process. It seems the men don't bother to read the must haves cant stands, they don't really want to get to know someone through Open Communication, just want to meet. They don't seem to want to understand who I am, just get to the meet. If you mention you'd like to stay on course with Dr. Waren's message, they say they never bothered to read it. They act kinda like I'm some kind of wierdo because I'd like to get to know them (and a month of communicating with a stranger online isn't too long or too short..not that I demand a "month"). But after a couple really short messages, they just want to meet. What's up?
 
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TheOptimist is offline TheOptimist Post #2  January 27,2009, 8:15am
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My best guess is that there is a feeling among the 'veterans' (those that have been in the online dating world for more than a couple years), that the written communication may or may not accurately represent the real person. And that a face to face meeting early on will weed out the 'fakes', 'flakes' and outright liars.


I know from my experience that I have wound up face to face with
[*]A married woman (more than once)[*]Women 80 - 100 lbs larger than the picture [*]Women 8 - 15years older than their profile stated.[/list]




An earlier face to face meeting would have saved me a lot of time in those situations. And as such, after a few emails, and maybe a phone call, I want to meet the person 'in person'.
 
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guitarjunkie is offline guitarjunkie Post #3  January 27,2009, 8:23am
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It's quite simple. The danger of talking too long online is that you create this perception and these expectations of the other person that are simply not accurate.


When I originally started online dating I would spend a much longer time in OC than I do now. It always ended in either her or me being disappointed. There's just something about that special kind of chemistry that you can only experience when actually sitting in front of someone. So now, I usually exchange 2-3 (usually longer) emails and then I ask her out. If she says she wants to continue communicating online for a bit longer first, fine. I'm not going to run for the hills if she doesn't want to meet immediately. But I definitely prefer it.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #4  January 27,2009, 8:32am
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Also, i had found the profiles start becoming very very generic. How many times have you read someone is passionate about life and living life to its fullest. How many times can you see people can't stand lying or infidelity. It became rare to see a must have/can't stand that was abnormal anymore and it just became routine.
 
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toxicgonzo is offline toxicgonzo Post #5  January 27,2009, 9:41am
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Dafearon,455808 wrote :

Also, i had found the profiles start becoming very very generic. How many times have you read someone is passionate about life and living life to its fullest. How many times can you see people can't stand lying or infidelity. It became rare to see a must have/can't stand that was abnormal anymore and it just became routine.
That's part of the reason I take a look at their pictures first because sometimes, but not always, it is the only thing that separates the "ladies" from the women.





At the same time, I can understand the frustration woman have. "Why has no one talked to me? My profile says I'm x, y, and z and I'm that and more. What man wouldn't want that?" (where x, y, and z are positive attributes). Maybe certain woman have better attributes than it seems and are bad at putting it into profile form? Or maybe woman think they're special, but really, they need to realize there are many similar to them?
 
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WaterHound is offline WaterHound Post #6  January 27,2009, 10:43am
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Because they are just that "Guidelines." They are optional. Some people have developed their own processes that they are more comfortable using.
 
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gr8guy is offline gr8guy Post #7  January 27,2009, 1:46pm
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itsbits, wrote :

This question is for the guys, but might be for the girls if you're finding this the case too? Why don't the men follow the eharmony guidelines for going through the Open Communication Process. It seems the men don't bother to read the must haves cant stands, they don't really want to get to know someone through Open Communication, just want to meet. They don't seem to want to understand who I am, just get to the meet. If you mention you'd like to stay on course with Dr. Waren's message, they say they never bothered to read it. They act kinda like I'm some kind of wierdo because I'd like to get to know them (and a month of communicating with a stranger online isn't too long or too short..not that I demand a "month"). But after a couple really short messages, they just want to meet. What's up?
They want to check you out in person as soon as possible so that they can move on to the next one if they don't like you. Opps, I mean that you and them don't have "chemisty."
 
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ejulie17 is offline ejulie17 Post #8  January 29,2009, 11:33am
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Fortunately, I'm not having the problem with guys taking the time to do the OC. My profile isas open and honest as I can be to represent myself. I'm busy .. I don't have time to run off and meet every guy to see if they "approve" of me or not. The OC is one of the things I like best about eHamony. In the past, I've tried other online dating sites and it wore me out. Everyone wanted to meet "right away" .. I'd get there and "I" was the one disappointed and meeting guys overweight, w/o jobs, etc. If a guy is interested in me and can't take the time to spend a couple of weeks communicating back and forth ..I really don't care if I meet him or not .. I'm not that desparate.
 
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ejulie17 is offline ejulie17 Post #9  January 29,2009, 11:34am
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When I'm talking about my profile .. I'm meaning the one on eHamony .. when I hit "my profile" on thisportion of the site .. it seems to be going to a different area .. that I haven't filled out.
 
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ejulie17 is offline ejulie17 Post #10  January 29,2009, 11:40am
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itsbits, wrote :

This question is for the guys, but might be for the girls if you're finding this the case too? Why don't the men follow the eharmony guidelines for going through the Open Communication Process. It seems the men don't bother to read the must haves cant stands, they don't really want to get to know someone through Open Communication, just want to meet. They don't seem to want to understand who I am, just get to the meet. If you mention you'd like to stay on course with Dr. Waren's message, they say they never bothered to read it. They act kinda like I'm some kind of wierdo because I'd like to get to know them (and a month of communicating with a stranger online isn't too long or too short..not that I demand a "month"). But after a couple really short messages, they just want to meet. What's up?
I've tried leaving comments here .. and they are being deleted (they are just normal comments .. nothing that should haveto be censored). When you are talking profiles .. are you talking profiles on eHarmony or this advice site?
 
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