Where do I begin? I have been having an affair for 11 months. I separated from my husband a few months ago, and most of the time I feel like I just want out of the marriage.


My lover is unreliable and I truly believe he is just in it for the sex (he's single). Of course we don't go out... live in a somewhat small town where we know a lot of people and I AM married. I keep wondering if we would have a relationship if I were divorced. I really feel like if I weren't with my lover, I still wouldn't want my husband, but then I get lonely and think I should go back with my husband for that reason.


Also, I feel like I am in love with my lover, but I have NEVER expressed this to him. I fear he would dump me if he knew how I felt. But the sex between us is incredible!! and I can't give him up. I haven't had sex with my husband in almost 4 months, and I don't feel like I ever can again. The thought of it makes me sick. Any observations, suggestions, commentaries would be greatly appreciated!

Well, at least you took the first step and separated. Usually, it's the otherway around. Where it's the married man having an affair with a single woman/or married women, and it's just mainly forsex, or having a mistress. However, most married men don't leave their spouses for a lot of different reasons. The single/or married women falls in love with the married man, and gets hurt, because the single/or married woman wants more than what the married man has to offer. In your case, you are the married women who has fallen for a single man (could it be lust or love?) Hummm...Perhaps, your lover will open up to you more and really want to have a true date with you if you leave your husbund. Have you ever both thought about leaving the townand going somewhere else to be together? However, I am surprisedthat you both don't go outat all and with you being separated.Being the married women and expressing your love to yoursingle unreliable man is not a such agreat idea.Itmight push your lover away, since men (not all men) don't like committments (they like the chase, the trophy afterwards..then move on) until they are ready to settle down.If yourunreliable single man is more interested inhaving sex with you than knowing more about you intellectually (the real you), and you want more..you need to move on. Unless, of course you just wantto keep him around for a NSA relationship, andkeep him onside, and so both of you are enjoyingthecake and eating it too.


If I were you, since it seems that you lost your interest with your husbund, I would get a divorce from your husbund, or go seek counseling, that isif you decide to stay. Afterall,it's your happinessthatcounts first. Being the confident, independent woman that you are, you can make the right intuitive choice. Make a list and put the pros and cons of how your life would be in the future with your husbund,your lover and without both ofthem.Be sure to includeyour kids (if any), your career and your current financial state, friends, relativesetc. on the list as well. Look at it carefully, then decide on what you need to do. You might see something that you might have not thought of. So be prepared before making any rash moves. This listmayhelp you guide you through.


As the saying goes "Don't worry..be happy" Keep in mindthatonly you can make your own decisions. However, it doesn't hurt to gethelp fromfamily, friends and outside support ...Good luck!