Lipsis is offline Lipsis Post #1  January 19,2009, 4:25pm
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Here is my story. I am 23 year old woman: virgin by choice. The status is not linked to any religious reason whatsoever. I have had sexual experiences in a past serious relationship I had. Even though I felt i was deeply in love, I got pressured to have sex constantly, but I kept saying no, because I didn't feel prepared to have a dedicated sex life. Funny thing is just when I felt "ready" to be with him, the -ex leaves me, one of the big reasons being: he was not getting any intercourse and he was just tired of waiting for me after a 10 month relationship.

I know everyone is different, and we all look for different things that satisfy us in a relationship, and I understand that sex is part of human nature, but at least for me, it has a more psychological depth to it. Once the relationship ended I felt completely guilty. 1. Because "everyone-else" IS or SHOULD be having sex and I wasn't and 2. Because I felt in love and I simply just wasn't there yet.

I just need reassurance that I am doing the right thing by listening to my inner self as to when to have sex and with whom.

It's not about waiting until marriage or anything, is just a combination of factors that should make me feel I'm prepared for it.
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #2  January 19,2009, 4:39pm
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This is one of many choices in your life where there are no right or wrong times as long as it feels right to you. It's like you said...You have to be ready...and he has to be the one that you want to be with. Everything has to line up on the comfort/trust factors for the timing to be "right".


Don't let society pressure you or any person including those you date to do something you aren't ready for. Your body and mind combined will let you know when the timing is right for you. Before that time...will means regrets. The fact that you are taking the time to think out your thoughts shows that you'll know when that moment is.


Good luck!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  January 19,2009, 4:55pm
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You seemed to indicate that you weren't patently against premaritcal sex but that in your past relationship you just didn't feel the emotional depth in the relationship. It might be that down in your gut you knew that relationship just wasn't right and so you withheld yourself....or it's also possible that you have some unresolved issues regarding sex.


What I'll say is that personally I can understand a woman taking sex very seriously and not jumping into a sexual relationship with a man lightly. At the same time....my own feeling is that a woman who simply will not engage in sex, for example,until she's married may not be a very mature person and may have a skewed view of sex. I realize that there are a number of men and women who will disagree with this view....but that is my own perspective.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #4  January 19,2009, 5:12pm
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no big deal, i think. you know, it seems like the whole world is pushing for sex, but it's not so. i know plenty of guys willing to wait and they're not religious crusaders either.


i am a catholic tho... so it's true, even if the guys in my tribe aren't virgins and think it's all bunk, the idea of waiting is nothing new and something they're comfortable with.


it's interesting. i will tell you my priest doesn't believe in long courtships. he also says, "the woman decides." he became a priest after his wife died, so he knows both sides of the story. to put it a different way: a woman decides when she's ready and then it happens - the right guy who's ready at the same time et al. i think he's probably right. there's a whole timing thing, as you've noticed. it's personal, yet not in a way. you bloom when you bloom. i've always thought it something to think about.
 
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3rd_the_charm is offline 3rd_the_charm Post #5  January 19,2009, 5:39pm
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Lipsis, wrote :

Here is my story. I am 23 year old woman: virgin by choice. The status is not linked to any religious reason whatsoever. I have had sexual experiences in a past serious relationship I had. Even though I felt i was deeply in love, I got pressured to have sex constantly, but I kept saying no, because I didn't feel prepared to have a dedicated sex life. Funny thing is just when I felt "ready" to be with him, the -ex leaves me, one of the big reasons being: he was not getting any intercourse and he was just tired of waiting for me after a 10 month relationship. I know everyone is different, and we all look for different things that satisfy us in a relationship, and I understand that sex is part of human nature, but at least for me, it has a more psychological depth to it. Once the relationship ended I felt completely guilty. 1. Because "everyone-else" IS or SHOULD be having sex and I wasn't and 2. Because I felt in love and I simply just wasn't there yet. I just need reassurance that I am doing the right thing by listening to my inner self as to when to have sex and with whom. It's not about waiting until marriage or anything, is just a combination of factors that should make me feel I'm prepared for it.
You're doing fine. Don't worry about it.


Women don't really hit their prime until their thirties anyways, and a young guy can easily bring you a lifetime of grief by fooling aournd with someone else.


Trust yourself and then be careful anyways.
 
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BGood is offline BGood Post #6  January 19,2009, 5:57pm
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I think that you are doing the right thing. You should not have sex until you are ready. Sex is a special gift. It's the gift of yourself. When you have sex with someone, you are giving them a part of yourself. It's a very special and emotional act. You should not give a gift like that to just anyone. It's best to wait until you find the love of your life. If you have sex with someone that does not love you, it could be the biggest mistake of your life. You could be left with emotional scars that may never heal. As a man, I know that men will put pressure on you to have sex. That is how men are. You need to tell them how you feel about it. If they don't respect your decision, you are better off without them. If a man truly loves you, he will wait until you are ready. Believe it or not, some men will wait. You just have not found Mr. Right yet. You need to keep looking. Trust me, he is out there somewhere waiting for you.
 
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hol90 is offline hol90 Post #7  January 20,2009, 5:59pm
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Lipsis, wrote :

Here is my story. I am 23 year old woman: virgin by choice. The status is not linked to any religious reason whatsoever. I have had sexual experiences in a past serious relationship I had. Even though I felt i was deeply in love, I got pressured to have sex constantly, but I kept saying no, because I didn't feel prepared to have a dedicated sex life. Funny thing is just when I felt "ready" to be with him, the -ex leaves me, one of the big reasons being: he was not getting any intercourse and he was just tired of waiting for me after a 10 month relationship. I know everyone is different, and we all look for different things that satisfy us in a relationship, and I understand that sex is part of human nature, but at least for me, it has a more psychological depth to it. Once the relationship ended I felt completely guilty. 1. Because "everyone-else" IS or SHOULD be having sex and I wasn't and 2. Because I felt in love and I simply just wasn't there yet. I just need reassurance that I am doing the right thing by listening to my inner self as to when to have sex and with whom. It's not about waiting until marriage or anything, is just a combination of factors that should make me feel I'm prepared for it.
i think you have done the right thing and have made the right choice.I am 18 and still a virgin and if i was to get with a girl who wasnt preperred to wait until i felt completely comfortable confident and ready for sex. no matter how long you said he had to wait wether it be 10 months or 10 yrs until you felt ready i think if he truly liked or loved you then he would have waited. i also have no religious belief about my virginity i actually think the christian view on no sex before marriage is a bit ridicuous in the 21st century, the main reseaon why i am a virgin is because i havent met a person i feel connected to in a special way and also because of my lackof confidence. i have a close friend who i spoke to and he has lost his virginity but says to me he slightly regrets it because there reationship fell apart so the best advice i can say is take your time and rember that sex isnt goin to be the best it can be if you not comfortabe or you rush into it
 
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KRA_Z_1 is offline KRA_Z_1 Post #8  January 21,2009, 2:36am
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Sex is a good thing when you're ready for it, so do what you are comfortable with. Personally, I have more respect for someone willing to stick by their guns rather than being a pushover. It sounds like you know what you're looking for, so just give it some time and things will happen when the time is right.
 
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markinVA is offline markinVA Post #9  January 21,2009, 4:03am
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Lipsis, wrote :

Here is my story. I am 23 year old woman: virgin by choice. The status is not linked to any religious reason whatsoever. I have had sexual experiences in a past serious relationship I had. Even though I felt i was deeply in love, I got pressured to have sex constantly, but I kept saying no, because I didn't feel prepared to have a dedicated sex life. Funny thing is just when I felt "ready" to be with him, the -ex leaves me, one of the big reasons being: he was not getting any intercourse and he was just tired of waiting for me after a 10 month relationship. I know everyone is different, and we all look for different things that satisfy us in a relationship, and I understand that sex is part of human nature, but at least for me, it has a more psychological depth to it. Once the relationship ended I felt completely guilty. 1. Because "everyone-else" IS or SHOULD be having sex and I wasn't and 2. Because I felt in love and I simply just wasn't there yet. I just need reassurance that I am doing the right thing by listening to my inner self as to when to have sex and with whom. It's not about waiting until marriage or anything, is just a combination of factors that should make me feel I'm prepared for it.
I do believe in waiting for religious reasons. However, I don't expect I'm going to pursuade you within the frame of this post to convert you on that issue.


But I will say this: Women are naturally more emotionally triggered by sexual experience than men are. That's why it is the woman who is hurt the most when breaking up from a relationship that involved sex. I would love to counsel you not to have pre-marital sex because I believe it is morally wrong, but I don't believe that argument would have much appeal to you if you are not a believer. But then, maybe one of the reasons God said it was wrong is because He knows the emotional damage it can cause to the woman - He does care about us, you know.


But even if not for religious reasons, no woman should feel pressured by a man into something she's not ready for. You shouldn't feel guilty at all. Stick to your guns.
 
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Lipsis is offline Lipsis Post #10  January 21,2009, 4:41pm
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All of these points of view really help. I'll keep doing what I'm doing .

Thanks peeps.
 
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