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Lindsey0367 Lindsey0367 is offline
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akd25 wrote :


I need some advice..anyone, please!! I am bisexual (not open about with with my family and friends) and I dont know when I should bring this up with matches that I'm interested in. I have been talking to few guys that I really want to move forward with, but I dont want to waste anyones time. I mean if I think I found 'the perfect' match, but he is against my sexuality, i would be wasting his time and my own. I was in a 3 year relationship and I finally came out and talked to my ex about my sexuality. He didnt like it, told me something was wrong with me, and obviously that relatioship ended. I just dont want a repeat of that...so my question is, when is a good time to talk about my sexuality? During open communication? Before the first date? Or should I drag it out until I really know I like the guy?


I think that the only benefit of telling someone before you actually start dating them is that it protects you from being hurt, which, in my opinion, is not a good reason. I'm in the same boat you are. I've selected my must-haves and can't stands in such a way as to weed out those people who tend to be judgmental or prejudiced in general in the hopes that they will be accepting of this aspect of me, too. I don't think it is necessary to go into before people get comfortable with each other. I mean, let's face it, even completely straight people have things about themselves that they fear will drive someone off. Nobody actually shows all their cards right away and if they did we'd think there was something wrong with them. Sure, by giving them the opportunity to leave before you get attached might prevent heartache for you, but whose to say that had they the opportunity to get to know you better first, they might not have stuck around.


I heard Marianne Williamson say the following about relationships (paraphrased):


'I think God says something like, "Okay, she'd be perfect for him, but if he knew what she was really like, he'd run. And he'd be perfect for her, but if she knew what he was really like, she'd run. So I'm just going to sprinkle some love dust and for two months they are going to be completely mezmerized by each other. And once their hooked, THEN the real growing begins."
- January 8th, 2009, 11:57 am
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Lindsey0367 Lindsey0367 is offline
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Im So Money wrote :

akd25 wrote :
I need some advice..anyone, please!! I am bisexual (not open about with with my family and friends) and I dont know when I should bring this up with matches that I'm interested in. I have been talking to few guys that I really want to move forward with, but I dont want to waste anyones time. I mean if I think I found 'the perfect' match, but he is against my sexuality, i would be wasting his time and my own. I was in a 3 year relationship and I finally came out and talked to my ex about my sexuality. He didnt like it, told me something was wrong with me, and obviously that relatioship ended. I just dont want a repeat of that...so my question is, when is a good time to talk about my sexuality? During open communication? Before the first date? Or should I drag it out until I really know I like the guy?

This would be a good "new topic"... I'm going to private message you, if you don't mind, so we don't railroad this other thread =)
Sorry, I replied before I read this!
- January 8th, 2009, 12:00 pm
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SactoDoug wrote :

Steps 1-3 are quick answers so I expect the turnaround to be relatively fast. No more than 1-2 days. Step 4 requires some thought to write out answers. A lot of people don't have very much free time. They have jobs, college, children etc. to deal with. Also, sometimes people have things such as moving from house to house, or a vacation that could interrupt communication times.


I give women 2 weeks to answer. I really don't close out many matches myself except every once in a while when I get in the mood to clean house. If an old match send me a communication, then I answer.


Sometimes it takes a person a while to reply back because they are seeing someone else. That does not bother me. I want everyone to find the person that they would be happiest with. If that is someone other than me, I am all for it. I want someone who will be happiest with me, not wishing they married someone else. This is the reason why competition does not bother me. If she finds a better man, then I wish them the best. I know that I will make the right woman very happy.


Until that day comes, I have enough patience to let my m*tches do as they please.
Make your mood good for match from new invitee...
- March 12th, 2009, 06:41 am
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sc4me sc4me is offline
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If I am sent a match I am interested in I usually send the first round of questions within a day or two. If I see that they have visited my profile but have not replied within a week I send a nudge. If after another week I get no responnse I close them. That's just my opinion, but the fact that they looked means they are online and have an active account.


Plus, I can't manage more than one person in open communication at a time, (nor do I want to) so I would imagine that's true for most women as well. Still, 2 weeks is long enough.


Someone said they will leave a match open indefinitely. I see no reason for that. If a month passes and you've gotten no reply waiting another month isn't going to help. They've moved on and just forgotten to close you out. Chances are they have a long list of open matches. Maybe it is an ego boost for some people to open up eH and see 25 open matches with the first round of questions.
- May 1st, 2009, 04:20 pm
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romanticgal romanticgal is offline
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I have gone throught the guided communication process with a man that seemed interesting. WHen it came time to email each other he wrote: "This is how I want things to go down...we have a couple  phone calls and we meet."  I stated that I wanted to get to know him a little better, aside from the programed questions, to be safe. (besides thinking he was a little controlling/pushy) He became angry and stated he did not respond back immediately because he felt he didn't have to prove himself for "safety's sake." He wrote me a couple nasty emails and I closed out. I think he raised a huge red flag and I am glad I trusted my instincts. Do most men find a woman being a little cautious insulting? I just wanted to talk a little and know something about him before we met.

- November 5th, 2009, 02:46 pm
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melman melman is online now
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I don't like to spend much time in email and even less time on the phone before (safely) meeting someone.

But it appears that your fella forgot that an even more important goal is to make your match want to meet you. You were right to close him.
- November 5th, 2009, 05:17 pm
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lionsfan lionsfan is offline
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I just joined eharmony, this past September. I have had some of the same issue, as the woman writing in this post. I am currently, in open communication with two of my matches. Each one for different reasons are a little slow, at getting back with me. but Due to how busy they are with their daily lives. One is taking night classes at a online college. And the other due to work, can't check the eharmony site on regular bases. There have been times I did not hear from them for about two weeks. So I would say it may not be so simple, to just say there is no interest on the mans part. Have you tried the nudge, to let them know you are still interested in them? If not give it try, I have used the nudge a few times. Sometimes it worked and sometimes not. One of the matches that I am currently talking,with is because of a reminder nudge. Now we are in open communication. I would try to give them a some more time to respond. Hope this is of some help to all of you? GOOD LUCK TO ALL
- November 5th, 2009, 06:37 pm
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MAK1021 MAK1021 is offline
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I'm glad to be reading these and realize a lot of people go through the same thing. I have closed about 175 matches, but there was this one a week ago who requested communication. His answers were great and I really got excited. We went all the way to stage 4 after swapping rounds fo questions. I guess stage 4 is when you move it to open communication or set up a call or meet? Anyway...It's been 7 days and I haven't heard anything. I've been really bummed about it because this guys seems perfect for me! Today I sent him a little "icebreaker" message, but...nothing yet. I guess it is all about patience, but I keep second-guessing my last answers...wondering "was it something I said?" Anyway....any words of comfort?

- February 6th, 2010, 07:58 pm
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LivingBetterLonger2009 LivingBetterLonger2009 is offline
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MAK1021,
I know exactly what you're going through, i.e. wondering if it was something you said, hoping/trying for a second chance...waiting. I've cancelled hundreds too, and you've described what I've done.

One thing I've learned about being on eHarmony is it's a good tool to ask yourself why you are doing this and to learn:

~Is how my approach to the relationship process healthy?
~How realistic are my expectations, are they too high, too low?
~What can I live with?

However with most members being non-paying, I find the TV commercial is better than the online experience. You can improve and make yourself healthy while waiting. Chances are it will be a long one; hang in there!
Last edited by LivingBetterLonger2009; February 6th, 2010 at 08:43 pm.
- February 6th, 2010, 08:36 pm
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jaybird80 jaybird80 is offline
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I had a lot of guys requesting communication, but suddenly it stops at the 3 questions stage...and I'm like wth?

I nuged and waited...waited some more. Finally! 1 guy answered, I sent my answers, 3 days later: open communication. Now I am again waiting. It's been 10 days. He's in the army, has the weekends off. But still, it's open communication, if you don't have time to write a 500 word essay...then just write Hi, how r u, I'm fine, I'll be very busy this week..aka Yes, I am still interested!

Is it that hard?
- February 7th, 2010, 04:50 pm
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