Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Ask a Dating Expert See what our experts have to say, and then weigh in with your own advice. This discussion board is a great place to discover the wisdom of the group.

Reply
Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
harmonicsexplorer harmonicsexplorer is offline
harmonicsexplorer's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 38

See profile



Also, I state in my profile the following: While we're communicating on eharmony I usually 'close' if it takes you more than a couple days to respond. Other arrangements can be made if that's the case - communicate for understanding. If you're not 'normally' responsive, then we're probably not a good match. Also, I respect people's time and emotions, and so, I'm direct and honest as appropriate. I also know when it's good to be playful and to 'flow', and when it's good to be clear and openly direct. Let's be these ways with each other, and everyone else.



That, along with being who I am in my profile, makes for a very pleasant, straightforward experience. It's all who I really am too.
- April 5th, 2008, 12:06 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#21   Reply With Quote
beatlejuice72 beatlejuice72 is offline
beatlejuice72's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Mar 2008

Posts: 1,039

See profile

eharmonyadvice, wrote :

Dear eHarmony,

I am now in the Open Communication stage with some of my matches. It has been about one week since I have communicated and I haven’t heard anything from my matches since then. How long does it take, on average for matches to respond while in Open Communication? How long should I wait for the response before closing communication?

Sincerely,
Jackie in New York City
Hello. I matched up with someone in late March and we did the Q&As up to Stage 3. I haven't heard from her in 2 weeks, but I do know that she works full-time at a hospital in the ICU. This type of job usually consists of 10-12 hour work days during the week. I think she also recently moved into a new house. I sent her an Icebreaker earlier this week and yesterday I sent a request for FastTrack. We are currently at Stage 3 of communication and all that's left is for her to answer my questions then ask me questions and we're at Stage 5 which is Open Communication. However, I'm worried that I might have messed up by jumping the gun. I honestly am a patient person although it might not seem like that. I just really think that she sounds like a nice person and we have some things in common already. So I told her this and I also said that I like to take things slow and I'd like to get to know her first via e-mail. Finally I said that if she declined my request for FastTrack and would prefer to continue the Guided Communication I wouldn't be offended.
- April 13th, 2008, 12:02 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#22   Reply With Quote
sewgoodnbklyn sewgoodnbklyn is offline
sewgoodnbklyn's Avatar

sewgoodnbklyn 50% of every problem is our own

Newbie

Join Date: Mar 2008

Posts: 11

See profile

Thanks for all the input on this topic. It is helpful. I consider myself to be a patient person but I also feel that since the internet kind of dehumanizes people that making an extra effort to show manners and consider others feelings is not just important but its nice. I have a non standard work week and sometimes I'm really busy and can't reply right away or need time to be thoughtful but if I'm in OC with someone I send a short note explaining I want to get back to them but need some time. Everyone has appreciated that extra care. On the other hand I recently was approached by a match who sent me a wildly enthusiastic and creative email, we made it to OC where I got not one but two long and enthusiastic emails, showering me with complements and also showing thoughtful answers to my email showing that he listens and has interest. How could I not be interested in learning more. Then suggested we talk via phone. So I sent my phone # and a nice note looking forward.... Then no reply for over 7 days although he reviewed my profile a couple of days ago. I'm not obsessive and consider maybe there was some issue on his side. I sent an icebreaker. Still waiting but I have to admit I felt kind of like a victim of drive-by dating. Am I just another roadkill on the highway 29 of the levels of attraction? Now I feel if he does communicate there is a really big red flag to get past. I'm kind of over it and a little unhappy that someone who seemed so thoughtful really isn't. Boo Hoo!
- April 18th, 2008, 03:00 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#23   Reply With Quote
SactoDoug SactoDoug is offline
SactoDoug's Avatar

SactoDoug is wondering why he can't get no satisfaction.

Enthusiast

Join Date: Apr 2008

Posts: 524

See profile



Steps 1-3 are quick answers so I expect the turnaround to be relatively fast. No more than 1-2 days. Step 4 requires some thought to write out answers. A lot of people don't have very much free time. They have jobs, college, children etc. to deal with. Also, sometimes people have things such as moving from house to house, or a vacation that could interrupt communication times.

I give women 2 weeks to answer. I really don't close out many matches myself except every once in a while when I get in the mood to clean house. If an old match send me a communication, then I answer.

Sometimes it takes a person a while to reply back because they are seeing someone else. That does not bother me. I want everyone to find the person that they would be happiest with. If that is someone other than me, I am all for it. I want someone who will be happiest with me, not wishing they married someone else. This is the reason why competition does not bother me. If she finds a better man, then I wish them the best. I know that I will make the right woman very happy.

Until that day comes, I have enough patience to let my m*tches do as they please.
- April 18th, 2008, 04:16 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#24   Reply With Quote
sewgoodnbklyn sewgoodnbklyn is offline
sewgoodnbklyn's Avatar

sewgoodnbklyn 50% of every problem is our own

Newbie

Join Date: Mar 2008

Posts: 11

See profile

SactoDoug wrote :

Sometimes it takes a person a while to reply back because they are seeing someone else. That does not bother me. I want everyone to find the person that they would be happiest with. If that is someone other than me, I am all for it. I want someone who will be happiest with me, not wishing they married someone else. This is the reason why competition does not bother me. If she finds a better man, then I wish them the best. I know that I will make the right woman very happy.

Until that day comes, I have enough patience to let my m*tches do as they please.
Thanks for the perspective. I guess in this case the communication I got was showing immediate interest in going forward so it didn't sound like they were seeing someone else. I really have no idea what the issue is but I think all this discussion helped me figure out the positive state of mind I choose to be in about it. Thanks!
- April 18th, 2008, 07:20 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#25   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

6837BeHonest 6837BeHonest is offline
6837BeHonest's Avatar

6837BeHonest It's better to be looked over, than overlooked.

Unregistered

Join Date: May 2008

Posts: 443

See profile



I've gotten to open communication several times, and on most, all of a sudden communication stops. On a recent one it went into a request to call him. But then he doesn't return my call or text (I texted once, and only called three times, giving a few days inbetween). With no response, I sent a message into the eHarmony communication page, and stated the ball was in his court. I know he's been there & read it, it shows he was viewing my profile again. I refuse to chase, is this some kind of test?
- July 29th, 2008, 08:51 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#26   Reply With Quote
brownsweetness brownsweetness is offline
brownsweetness's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Jul 2008

Posts: 8

See profile



I've been on EH for about 3 months. I've had numerous matches.About 50% NOT meeting ANY of my requiremnets. 40% could live with and MAYBE still be happy... 10% were right on target. I send "communication starters" and MOST either DO NOT reply or CLOSE MATCH. I've had 3 matches go all the way toOPEN communication andtwo of thoses after a few days closed me out. The one match I did meet apparently was not interested because he never called or emailed back to say he was not interested.With the matches that closed me out, the ones I HATE the most are " I am pursuing another relationship." If you are pursuing a relationship, then you need to HIDE your profile for a while. Actually, I REALLY HATE when I don't get a response and I know the guy has VIEWED me. If he looked at my profile and was not interested he should CLOSE the match. I give them 1 week fro the day of the match. If they have viewed me and did not respond, I CLOSE the match. If they have not then I give them a "NUDGE." I figure if you are paying money for a service you will check your email.


E-Harmony should NOT send NON-MEMBERS as matches.


That's a farce and unfair to potential hopefulls like myself. I think of myself as a "good Catch" and I am still not sure WHY I haven't received more responses. f you are looking for " LOVE"Then distance should not be a problem. My subscription is almost up (for teh 2nd time) and I do not plan to renew. I can be dissaponited and rejected somewhere else at cheaper rate than this.


- August 1st, 2008, 05:36 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#27   Reply With Quote
Bri1829 Bri1829 is offline
Bri1829's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 7

See profile



has ANYONE gotten a response from thier matches off the bat?


I think Eharmony may be holding your questions so they get more time out of your account, just an idea, if you really want to get into contact with your matches, i garauntee a faster way would be to look them up on myspace and then add them that way with a comment saying "eharmony match"
- August 29th, 2008, 11:28 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#28   Reply With Quote
Michael0223 Michael0223 is offline
Michael0223's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 2

See profile

akd25 wrote :

I need some advice..anyone, please!! I am bisexual (not open about with with my family and friends) and I dont know when I should bring this up with matches that I'm interested in. I have been talking to few guys that I really want to move forward with, but I dont want to waste anyones time. I mean if I think I found 'the perfect' match, but he is against my sexuality, i would be wasting his time and my own. I was in a 3 year relationship and I finally came out and talked to my ex about my sexuality. He didnt like it, told me something was wrong with me, and obviously that relatioship ended. I just dont want a repeat of that...so my question is, when is a good time to talk about my sexuality? During open communication? Before the first date? Or should I drag it out until I really know I like the guy?
I've always been opened minded so that wouldn't bother me. I don't think that is something you want to blurt out in the beginning. If the relationship is heading towards the sex phase then it should be talked about. Same as HIV. herpes, etc.
- September 16th, 2008, 04:14 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#29   Reply With Quote
Gridiron98 Gridiron98 is offline
Gridiron98's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 2

See profile



Do not make up excuses for the other person you are trying to contact. If they do not respond within a week, then close them out and move on. I've been in that situation, but if I hadn't closed them out, I would not have been able to get to Open Communications with a couple of women thatI am currently in contact with. The two women turns out to be interesting and they ARE responsive. I didn't have to wait a whole week nordid they have to wait awhole week. I consider myself to be a very busy professional. I travel for workquite a bit, but I make time to communciate with those I'm interested in. That is the reason I joined. IfI didn't want to make time, then I would not have joined. It's really not that hard and I think some people are making this a bigger deal than it really is. If someone is interested in you, he or she will resond back (providing they are active memebers). If not, well, they'll either close you out or will not respond. Those are the people I don't have time for and no matter how attractive they may be, they're not worth my time or take up space in my number of matches allow page. There are plenty of people out in eHarmony.


I appologize in advance for the rant, but at this point, you shouldn't spend your time trying to figure out the person on the other side of your monitor. Good luck.
- November 17th, 2008, 01:33 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#30   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4

Bookmarks

« Family photos | Array | gift to show I care.. »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I removed all of the personal back-and forths which diverting attention away from the OP's topic/questions. Assuming the thread can continue and stay on track, it can stay open. Thanks in ... ” – eHA_Admin_Lori

Join the “Getting Over My Girlfriend's Past Lovers?” discussion

“Also, remember that some people may not be able to access eHarmony (or similar sites) at work. And if you add in a full and busy life (working out, taking care of kids, spending time with friends, ... ” – jayhawkgirl

Join the “Ladies, do you decide in the first 30 seconds if you're interetsed? And, what are you looking for in a first impression?” discussion

“That statement wouldn't be a big deal to me either way. I think it was just an off the cuff humorous remark.” – newbie40something

Join the “That WAS a compliment... I think?!” discussion

“ Well, we tried....” – Well_Spoken_Man1

Join the “NOT Religious...... but SPIRITUAL ???” discussion

“He doesn't sound very attractive whatsoever as a mate. Not for me anyway.” – newbie40something

Join the “Doesn't want to work, doesn't want sex, drinks” discussion

“OP you only went on two dates with the guy. Do you think its possible that you are idealizing him? I see that you called him "the love of" your life in your profile. Maybe he sensed that you had ... ” – Nanette

Join the “Did I scare him away?” discussion

“ Just like the fox didn't really want the grapes. If the grapes don't come down off the vine and pop into his mouth on their own then they're just not worth having.” – hankscorpio

Join the “Who Makes The 1st Move” discussion

“Hey! Me too!! Yay POF ” – peg099

Join the “Monday, February 8th weekend and date roundup!” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:47 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0