How do I Stop Comparing Dates to my Ex?

How do I Stop Comparing Dates to my Ex?

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How do I Stop Comparing Dates to my Ex?


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eharmonyadvice is offline eharmonyadvice — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  November 19,2007, 12:07pm

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Dear Dr. Warren,

I dated a wonderful woman for three years. We had deep-rooted compatibility, great sex, and what felt like real love between us. Since we broke up, I've met some great women on eHarmony, but I can't stop comparing them to my old love.
 
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Skyking is offline Skyking Post #2  November 21,2007, 2:41am
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Wait till married before having sex as it aborts any chance for a relationship ... logical thinking ceases and respect of either party is also gone...Terry ..St. Louis ..I found my wife thru eharmony and we waited...definately the right move
 
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msaintel is offline msaintel Post #3  November 21,2007, 9:50am
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I agree,pre-marital sex rushes into the emotional component and creates ties too early in the relationship without one truly knowing the other. Take time to know someone on other dimensions before sex in the marriage. That will be the basis of a lasting relationship
 
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mountaingirl is offline mountaingirl Post #4  November 21,2007, 2:15pm
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Sex has nothing to do with getting to know another. It just is another way to interact. Waiting to have sex is like waiting to sneeze ... you can do that if it's important to you but waiting to have sex is no guarantee that your relationship will (or won't) work.
I agree that being friends first is a good idea but to separate out sex is just not relevant if you ask me.
 
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Lancelot is offline Lancelot Post #5  November 21,2007, 2:24pm
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Your article "How Do I Stop Comparing Dates To My Ex" is excellent. It is real, on target and doable as well as sensitive and caring. Nice treatment of the secret element: flexibility.

As an editor, I am also impressed with how well it is written.

Nice job eHarmony!

Tom Cantrell
Tom@TomCantrell.com
 
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irocmike38 is offline irocmike38 Post #6  November 21,2007, 2:37pm
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i can sympathize with Ty. I am in that nearly identical situation. We had 3 great years, broke up for a few months, then tried it again. But she kept saying that "she wasnt the right person for me". I kept saying how do you know that? I kept dwelling on all the good times, and how i wouldnt be able to find anyone else like her. She kept saying there is someone out there for everyone. I havent really been on any new dates yet, but I still keep reminising about our 3+ great years. I really need to move on. Good suggestions for Ty. I need to save this article.
MT
 
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Tigermay30 is offline Tigermay30 Post #7  November 21,2007, 3:02pm
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Sounds like someone is dating first and healing later. That's not fair to either yourself or your date. I decided to use eHarmony because of the compatability screening, and I'm currenty in a great eHarmony-launched relationship (yeah - I just read the articles). I made myself truly look at my ex-husband for what he was - not for what I wanted him to be. This was very liberating. I am absolutely free emotionally to honor a new relationship, which I'm currenty doing. Joyfully. Sooooooo heal thyself sir, before venturing into the dating waters again. As for waiting until marriage to have sex... I used to feel that way, but no more. I'm no longer looking for marriage, but rather a loving, committed relationship. I used to laugh at folks who said you can be committed without marriage. I no longer do that.
 
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laurafly4 is offline laurafly4 Post #8  November 21,2007, 3:43pm
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Ten years with a lawyer! What was I thinking? Obviously NOT! I'm just blonde, not dumb, I should have known I was going to be used. A 58 year old bachelor at that!
It is tough but he just SO did not deserve me. Too bad, I now realize that he just is missing something - like a heart! L__fly4
 
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leedogg is offline leedogg Post #9  November 21,2007, 4:33pm
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"It is also highly probable that she was unfaithful to you." Ty, in this matter, ANY woman you meet out there automatically, at the bat, has the biggest leg up on your ex: they haven't cheated on you. Remember that.
 
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sweetmj is offline sweetmj Post #10  November 21,2007, 4:37pm
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This is a wonderful article. I can relate very much to it as I had been engaged to a man that I thought loved me so much; it turns out he ended up being verbally abusive and did not appreciate me for who I am. It has been two years since we broke up and yet I still miss him dearly. We were very attracted to each other and had a lot in common, so it has been very difficult. I want so much to find a loving relationship. Good luck to all.
 
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