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nucem1 nucem1 is offline
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I met my boyfriend 2 years ago while he was married. He is 46 years old and I am 41. He seemed sonice and honestthat Ibelieved him when he said he had never had an affair before me. Within2 months he left his wife and moved in with me. Then I started finding out things...He was married before and began an affair on his first wifewhile his wife was pregnant withtheir son. He even took the girlfriend to the hospital while his wifewas havingthe baby! He left his wife and newborn baby and married this second wife. He had 2 affairs on thissecond wife (that I have found out about and he has admitted to). Then, just 6 months ago Igot pregnant. I really wanted a baby but he said he didn't really want another child so I had an abortion. A few days after I aborted the baby I found on his cell phone that he had been texting his second ex-wife that he was thinking of her and had made several calls to her. When I confronted him he said their dog had died and she was very upset and he felt bad for her. I broke up with him but then he was so convincing that he was sorry for everything he has done in his past that I decided to give him another chance. It has been 6 months now and he has been wonderful to me. But I just can't shake that feeling that I am being stupid. How do you know if someone really has changed? Or does one's past speak for itself? I just don't trust him right now.
- January 11th, 2009, 06:20 am
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gr8guy gr8guy is offline
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In a word, No. He has not "changed." He has altered his behavior in an effort to get you back. Once he feels that he has you back he will revert to is old ways.


You are being stupid. Kick his sorry @$$ to the curb and find yourself a real man.
- January 11th, 2009, 07:39 am
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tholly tholly is offline
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nucem1, wrote :

I met my boyfriend 2 years ago while he was married. He is 46 years old and I am 41. He seemed sonice and honestthat Ibelieved him when he said he had never had an affair before me. Within2 months he left his wife and moved in with me. Then I started finding out things...He was married before and began an affair on his first wifewhile his wife was pregnant withtheir son. He even took the girlfriend to the hospital while his wifewas havingthe baby! He left his wife and newborn baby and married this second wife. He had 2 affairs on thissecond wife (that I have found out about and he has admitted to). Then, just 6 months ago Igot pregnant. I really wanted a baby but he said he didn't really want another child so I had an abortion. A few days after I aborted the baby I found on his cell phone that he had been texting his second ex-wife that he was thinking of her and had made several calls to her. When I confronted him he said their dog had died and she was very upset and he felt bad for her. I broke up with him but then he was so convincing that he was sorry for everything he has done in his past that I decided to give him another chance. It has been 6 months now and he has been wonderful to me. But I just can't shake that feeling that I am being stupid. How do you know if someone really has changed? Or does one's past speak for itself? I just don't trust him right now.
Sweet Pea only time will tell. I have dealt with a guy who was married and yes he got a divorcebut he has had other affairs besides me. The real matter is once a cheat is always a cheat. The last six months may be fine but you will see change and you will not see the same patterns if they have really changed. I found that my now ex is trying to get me back and guess what he is still with his mother now been divorced for 2-3 years and we broke up in October after 8 years because I am tired and I do not know if he really changed. Now he regrets and tells his friend he misses me but he has hurt me so much I do not know if it's worth it. In the mean time I amlooking for something new and we shall see what comes from it. No more married men with issues. Good Luck !
- January 11th, 2009, 08:27 am
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littlebluemonkeymind littlebluemonkeymind is offline
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He lied and cheated to be with you...and you allowed it. Why would he change?


A better question to ask yourself is why you allow yourself to be treated with such disregard?


Trust is a fragile thing...easily broken and difficult to mend. People can change and past behavior certainly doesn't guarantee future behavior but it's a pretty good indicator.


You might consider some counseling to help you decide what the best decision is for you in this case.


Good luck.
- January 11th, 2009, 09:27 am
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wildman wildman is offline
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Once a cheater always a cheater. And what goes around comes around for both sides.
- January 11th, 2009, 10:50 am
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mimijiminy mimijiminy is offline
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nucem1, wrote :

I met my boyfriend 2 years ago while he was married. He is 46 years old and I am 41. He seemed sonice and honestthat Ibelieved him when he said he had never had an affair before me. Within2 months he left his wife and moved in with me. Then I started finding out things...He was married before and began an affair on his first wifewhile his wife was pregnant withtheir son. He even took the girlfriend to the hospital while his wifewas havingthe baby! He left his wife and newborn baby and married this second wife. He had 2 affairs on thissecond wife (that I have found out about and he has admitted to). Then, just 6 months ago Igot pregnant. I really wanted a baby but he said he didn't really want another child so I had an abortion. A few days after I aborted the baby I found on his cell phone that he had been texting his second ex-wife that he was thinking of her and had made several calls to her. When I confronted him he said their dog had died and she was very upset and he felt bad for her. I broke up with him but then he was so convincing that he was sorry for everything he has done in his past that I decided to give him another chance. It has been 6 months now and he has been wonderful to me. But I just can't shake that feeling that I am being stupid. How do you know if someone really has changed? Or does one's past speak for itself? I just don't trust him right now.
Nucem1,


You've already answered your question. It has been 6 months of wonderful behaviour and you still don't trust him. It might be time to move on before it gets harder. Living your life being suspicious and waiting for the other shoe to drop is not how I'd like my life to be.


As a previous poster said, he has likely altered his behaviour, put the sneaky stuff on the back-burner if you will, because he was "caught." For whatever reason, this is how it goes with people who are doing things they shouldn't and get caught. He will, statistiacally, revert to his old ways once he feels you are trusting him again. This is clearly a pattern with him: he has done this not once, but a few times, including to you.


Now, I am for second chances if the person deserves it. Bottom line is: listen to your gut. And good luck.
- January 11th, 2009, 11:53 am
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Songryder Songryder is offline
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nucem1, wrote :

I met my boyfriend 2 years ago while he was married. He is 46 years old and I am 41. He seemed sonice and honestthat Ibelieved him when he said he had never had an affair before me. Within2 months he left his wife and moved in with me. Then I started finding out things...He was married before and began an affair on his first wifewhile his wife was pregnant withtheir son. He even took the girlfriend to the hospital while his wifewas havingthe baby! He left his wife and newborn baby and married this second wife. He had 2 affairs on thissecond wife (that I have found out about and he has admitted to). Then, just 6 months ago Igot pregnant. I really wanted a baby but he said he didn't really want another child so I had an abortion. A few days after I aborted the baby I found on his cell phone that he had been texting his second ex-wife that he was thinking of her and had made several calls to her. When I confronted him he said their dog had died and she was very upset and he felt bad for her. I broke up with him but then he was so convincing that he was sorry for everything he has done in his past that I decided to give him another chance. It has been 6 months now and he has been wonderful to me. But I just can't shake that feeling that I am being stupid. How do you know if someone really has changed? Or does one's past speak for itself? I just don't trust him right now.
Darlin', he's got some really shady, unsavory history here. He's a complete Con Artist and you have to be aware of this and this lingering gut feeling that all is not well is probably dead accurate.


He's lied to you numerous times and he's really good at blindsiding women by charming their socks off, getting them involved too quickly and then you're stuck with all his baggage and he expects he'll keep being able to charm you and lie to you at the same time.


Married men are off limits . . . they come with a lot of garbage about how badly their wives are treating them and how if they just could find the right woman, things will be perfect . . . . untill the next woman comes along. If he's done it before this many times, odds are he'll do it again. Maybe not in a week or two weeks, but eventually.


Protect yourself from this guy. Breaking up with him and staying completely away from him would be a good idea.
- January 11th, 2009, 04:28 pm
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iyampeachy iyampeachy is offline
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Wow. You must really love swimming in d'nile. He cheated on his first wife and treated her with such disrespect during the birth of their child that he has shown himself to be utterly lacking in character. Then he cheats on his second wife, who undoubtedly thought as you do; that, "I'm different. He'll change." blah, blah, blah. Now you are wondering if he can change for you? Unbelieveable!
- January 11th, 2009, 10:29 pm
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iyampeachy iyampeachy is offline
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gr8guy wrote :

You are being stupid. Kick his sorry @$$ to the curb and find yourself a real man.
Precisely.
- January 11th, 2009, 10:31 pm
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Lindac7 Lindac7 is offline
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If you have to come here to ask us because you don't know, how do you expect us to know?


Trust your gut; you already know the answer. You don't need us to tell you. What you need is some self respect. Try finding that so you can tell this guy where to go.
- January 12th, 2009, 10:48 am
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