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sbloom06 sbloom06 is offline
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i was dating this guy for a couple of months and everything was going wonderfully! we went on a weekend vacation and were always together. one day a friend of mine surprised me and kissed me. i immediately told my boy what happened and that i did NOT encourage it. he acted really hurt... but then when i told him it could have been prevented if we were in a "real" relationship... he freaked. 2 days later... he text me saying he didnt wanna get any deeper in and didnt wanna hurt me anymore than he had already. an hour later i found out a friend had died and i tried to call my ex bcz i wanted his support as a friend. he never answered. we didn't talk for about a month after that. i tried to get a hold of him but he never responded to my texts/calls. then his best friend started texting me wanting to hang out. on new years eye his best friend called me wanting to hang out. we met up and ended up kissing. my ex's friend was telling me that he really wanted to be with me in a real relationship and that my ex wouldnt care. we hung out the next night also with some friends at my place. everyone was drinking so i told the boys to sleep on the couch. the next morning my ex text me to ask if i was hanging out with his friend and if i kissed him. i told him the truth and that i was sorry i never thought i'd hurt him. i really do miss my ex. i decided the second night that i had no interest in my ex's friend... but my ex is still really hurt that we kissed. do you think this is something we can get over or is it even something worth geting over?





i feel like my relationship with my ex was cut short when things were going really well with us... but i'm afraid if we work things out he'll leave me again out of the blue.


do i try to get my ex to forgive me for kissing his friend (i think he wants to forgive me)... or do i just appoligize and move on?
- January 3rd, 2009, 01:54 am
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gr8guy gr8guy is offline
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How young are you?


It sounds like he is commitment phobic. Your "real relationship" comment sounds like a let's talk about marraige comment so he freaked.
- January 3rd, 2009, 03:33 pm
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mindy0270 mindy0270 is offline
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sbloom06, wrote :

i was dating this guy for a couple of months and everything was going wonderfully! we went on a weekend vacation and were always together. one day a friend of mine surprised me and kissed me. i immediately told my boy what happened and that i did NOT encourage it. he acted really hurt... but then when i told him it could have been prevented if we were in a "real" relationship... he freaked. 2 days later... he text me saying he didnt wanna get any deeper in and didnt wanna hurt me anymore than he had already. an hour later i found out a friend had died and i tried to call my ex bcz i wanted his support as a friend. he never answered. we didn't talk for about a month after that. i tried to get a hold of him but he never responded to my texts/calls. then his best friend started texting me wanting to hang out. on new years eye his best friend called me wanting to hang out. we met up and ended up kissing. my ex's friend was telling me that he really wanted to be with me in a real relationship and that my ex wouldnt care. we hung out the next night also with some friends at my place. everyone was drinking so i told the boys to sleep on the couch. the next morning my ex text me to ask if i was hanging out with his friend and if i kissed him. i told him the truth and that i was sorry i never thought i'd hurt him. i really do miss my ex. i decided the second night that i had no interest in my ex's friend... but my ex is still really hurt that we kissed. do you think this is something we can get over or is it even something worth geting over?





i feel like my relationship with my ex was cut short when things were going really well with us... but i'm afraid if we work things out he'll leave me again out of the blue.


do i try to get my ex to forgive me for kissing his friend (i think he wants to forgive me)... or do i just appoligize and move on?
As for me, I always viewed the situation as the following:


I respected my friends and ex-boyfriendsso I would never do anything that I wouldn't want them to do in return.


If you can get past it great but I think you'll find it will always come up in any arguement you may have together.
- January 3rd, 2009, 03:49 pm
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littlebluemonkeymind littlebluemonkeymind is offline
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I've never in my life had a surprise kiss that I couldn't put a stop to. I've never accidently slept with anyone, either, although I've met people who claim to have done so.


As for kissing the bff...that's relationship suicide.


It sounds like you need to mature a bit more before you get invovled in a relationship. Not meaning to sound harsh, but these are all choices you made, regardless of what your ex was or wasn't doing, and they're choices that don't indicate really good judgement.
- January 3rd, 2009, 03:52 pm
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BikerBeagle BikerBeagle is offline
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sbloom06, wrote :

do you think this is something we can get over or is it even something worth geting over?


i feel like my relationship with my ex was cut short when things were going really well with us... but i'm afraid if we work things out he'll leave me again out of the blue.


do i try to get my ex to forgive me for kissing his friend (i think he wants to forgive me)... or do i just appoligize and move on?
Frankly, no, I don't believe this is something the two of you will be able to get over. What you essentially did was cheat on him ...trust in a relationship is a terrible thing to lose,and it is incredibly difficult to get back, even for married couples who have been together for many years. The success rate of 2nd chances after infidelity is extremely rare. He may very well be able to 'forgive' you ...it's the 'forgetting' that's the hard part.


You've obviously recognized the mistakes you made, learn from them and move on. Realize and understand that, while it may not be a 'big deal' to you, most guys you are in a relationship with aren't going to be happy with you playing tongue-hockey with other guys. You should treat this behavior as if you are having sex with other guys because, whilekissing seems minor, the overall outcome is going to be exactly the same. You 'gave' yourself intimately to another guy. We (guys) don't distinguish between what's minor and what's major when it comes to this.


- January 4th, 2009, 05:55 am
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline
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There's no grey area when it comes to cheating. You made a huge mistake and now you must live with the consequences.
- January 4th, 2009, 06:36 am
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littlebluemonkeymind littlebluemonkeymind is offline
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In a lot of years of dating, I can safely say no man has ever kissed me that I did not allow...or who at didn't least go away knowing he'd made a mistake. You were not surprised by a kiss. You chose to allow someone to kiss you. Not encouraging it is not the same thing as stopping it.


Then, you allowed his best friend to kiss you.


Now you want to convince him you're trustworthy...someone he should be in a realationship with?


Confessing every time you cheat on him does not equal trustworthiness.


You made mistakes. Big ones. You need to figure out why you keep making bad choices before you make one that costs you a lot more than a boyfriend of a few weeks. Learn from this and use it to decide what kind of person you want to be and then be that person...not when it's convenient, not when there's not a guy around who flatters you, but all the time.


Good luck.
- January 4th, 2009, 09:00 am
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wildman wildman is offline
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You were dating him for a couple of months but considered it a pseudo relationship and not "real"? He may have some insecurities with relationships but it seems that you are not that into him if you are kissing other guys. You need to look within yourself and figure out what a relationship really means to you and if you are ready to commit to one person.
- January 4th, 2009, 10:24 am
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Songryder Songryder is offline
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sbloom06, wrote :

i was dating this guy for a couple of months and everything was going wonderfully! we went on a weekend vacation and were always together. one day a friend of mine surprised me and kissed me. i immediately told my boy what happened and that i did NOT encourage it. he acted really hurt... but then when i told him it could have been prevented if we were in a "real" relationship... he freaked. 2 days later... he text me saying he didnt wanna get any deeper in and didnt wanna hurt me anymore than he had already. an hour later i found out a friend had died and i tried to call my ex bcz i wanted his support as a friend. he never answered. we didn't talk for about a month after that. i tried to get a hold of him but he never responded to my texts/calls. then his best friend started texting me wanting to hang out. on new years eye his best friend called me wanting to hang out. we met up and ended up kissing. my ex's friend was telling me that he really wanted to be with me in a real relationship and that my ex wouldnt care. we hung out the next night also with some friends at my place. everyone was drinking so i told the boys to sleep on the couch. the next morning my ex text me to ask if i was hanging out with his friend and if i kissed him. i told him the truth and that i was sorry i never thought i'd hurt him. i really do miss my ex. i decided the second night that i had no interest in my ex's friend... but my ex is still really hurt that we kissed. do you think this is something we can get over or is it even something worth geting over?





i feel like my relationship with my ex was cut short when things were going really well with us... but i'm afraid if we work things out he'll leave me again out of the blue.


do i try to get my ex to forgive me for kissing his friend (i think he wants to forgive me)... or do i just appoligize and move on?
Using someone else's actions as blackmail to get someone to commit to you is going to backfire . . . which it did. He can't control anyone's responses to you whether you're in a relationship or not. You can't hold that kind of action over someone's head and expect to have a successful response.


Stop playing games with this guy's head. You want a "real" relationship, start being "real" yourself and tell the truth. Of course he's hurt, but "you" have a responsibility here to own up to the fact that you told him about this kissto get him to do something he wasn't ready to do and if he wasn't, you had the choice to move on gracefully instead of creating all this drama around it.


Apologize and take the consequences of your actions and learn from them. You can't have a working LTR if you start out by trying to control and manipulate the person into being with you.
- January 4th, 2009, 01:37 pm
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