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Pris, wrote :
I am having a difficult time figuring out what men want. Should women be more willing to take things slowly? Does a women who knows what she wants and conveys it (tactfully) scare men off? In the "real world", I agressively pursue the things I want to accomplish, but online dating has thrown me a curve. Guys, what do you think?
Every guy is different, so there is no need to modify your behavior. My guess is that being open and somewhat aggressive will give you more opportunities with men. I have never heard another guy complain about a woman being too aggressive, although I have heard them brag. If they are attracted to you, most likely they will like it.

I have heard many men (including myself) complain about women playing hard to get, playing games, etc. Every guy I've talked to before hates this.
- April 21st, 2008, 08:13 pm
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NancyG wrote :

Well, as you said, you're in Tulsa.

I'm in a "mixed" area, as far as the political/religious leanings go. The little town I live in is full of right-wingers and angry fundamentalists, but the university town a few miles away is much more liberal. There are even Unitarians there! Most of the women I meet there are professionals who are indeed independent and want an egalitarian relationship. In the town where I live and work, not so much.
Yep, it's pretty hard to find open and aggressive characteristics in the womenover forty inTulsa. God, Children or Pets are the center of their universe. There is a pretty active Unitarian Church here that I have considered visiting... mostly because Ian Moore stops in to play a little blues at some oftheir gatherings. ;-) I like the open, acceptingideals and a close tie to the nation's bill of rights. They don't mind scientists attending and questioning everything. Thanks for the idea!
- April 22nd, 2008, 07:07 am
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I'd just like to meet a women who is comfortable in her own skin, isn't afraid to let me know how she feels, but isn't aggressive on the first date. I think that some things outta simmer for a while to mellow and like all the ingredients blend. Once we've gotten to know each other and know where we're heading, don't beat around the bush- tell me what you want! I believe that most women expect to be treated this way, so why should they treat a man any different?.
- July 11th, 2009, 11:31 pm
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outlaw1 Time for the phalanx to go back to work...

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Pris wrote :
I am having a difficult time figuring out what men want. Should women be more willing to take things slowly? Does a women who knows what she wants and conveys it (tactfully) scare men off? In the "real world", I agressively pursue the things I want toaccomplish, but online dating has thrown me a curve.Guys, what do you think?

Yes we want the most aggressive, kick em in the n uts, got hair on the chest types?!@ We want our women to be severely demanding who carries a magnum gun on her hip. And uses it if we get out of line...

I'm a little lost per the title of this question hence my attempt per humor. Here's what I've found out to be true-very aggressive women are good in bed. But sooner or later they ALWAYS get mad at the guy. Think end of the relationship mad.

And those type of women that some of us men thought were at first, great in bed, become a roaring Tiger with nails extended, ready to rip for little reason. Now I did say this was MY EXPERIENCE IN LIFE.

This has nothing to do with a strong woman. They can be very se xually attractive. This has nothing to do with a successful woman. Great she's not homeless and has a good job. This has nothing to do with a woman who knows what she wants.
To me it has everything to do with a woman's attitude-is she a team player? Or does she consider herself the Captain of the team, Coach, Mentor and Owner? Am I nothing but an atm?

How would I fit into her life? And does she have the time for me? Or will I always be playing second fiddle to the children, three dogs, one horse, grandparents, two birds and her career?

One reason why I think women online are complaining so much per dating, is that today's women are mostly the complete opposite of women in the 1980s. Most men don't want an aggressive career type woman unless her attitude tells us we aren't just a piece of furniture to her.

As an expert on today's gender relations, a female friend of mine [she's an advocate for women, children and men] says "women want a liberal relationship while men want a conservative one."

And all the men that I know, don't want a too aggressive woman who then becomes his enemy. We call that high maintainence [before she rips our gonads off in Divorce Court.] Please understand I don't mean to sound insensitive. I've seen my brother die while going thru divorce. I almost died going thru divorce [parental alienation.]

What do men want in women today? E Harmony did a poll years ago [it's probably too politically incorrect today.] The #1 thing E Harmony men wanted in a woman, was a kind woman. All those dating articles are lying to ya'll women. Dating articles are telling women to "keep up your standards" and become more difficult.

Meanwhile the brothers are running full speed away from committing to women. Just ask any 100 men offline [online men aren't as truthful, in case they might have a chance to "get some."] We don't want high maintainence, overly aggressive career women who have little to no time for us. Which is the exact opposite of what dating articles tell women [dating articles blow smoke up women's dresses and say men are to blame for today's dating conundrum.]

For me, being a high energy outgoing male, I'd prefer a more subdued, intelligent woman who has time for me in her life. A woman who NEEDS a man as opposed to a woman with the attitude that "I don't need a man." In short, if I smell feminist in any way, I'm out. If she's an aggressive woman at work, I'm out.

That's too high maintainence for me. I'm not interested in daily battles because my vocabulary isn't politically correct, etc. I'm not interested in a power struggle at home; fighting in the office is enough. Might I suggest if you are a high aggresive woman that you seek out a shy beta male?

I don't need a girly girl. I'd prefer a strong intelligent woman. Former tom boy turn more womanly would be perfect. But if she doesn't know the difference between battling while at work, and coming off her warrioress attitude per homelife, then that's the biggest red flag for me. I'll leave her for the younger men [who don't get heart attacks so quickly] to tangle with.

Peace and good luck to you.

PS: how did American women get so manly? I married one of these highly aggressive types. I'm still fighting parental alienation on and off since 1999. Been there, done that and won't do it again.

Last edited by outlaw1; July 12th, 2009 at 12:44 am. Reason: had to add a PS:
- July 12th, 2009, 12:21 am
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Pris wrote :
I am having a difficult time figuring out what men want. Should women be more willing to take things slowly? Does a women who knows what she wants and conveys it (tactfully) scare men off? In the "real world", I agressively pursue the things I want toaccomplish, but online dating has thrown me a curve.Guys, what do you think?
A woman who knows what she wants and conveys it does NOT scare me off. In fact...it turns me on. I really do not like passive, uncertain women who act aloof or shy (initial shyness is understandable). Aggressiveness is a sign of interest and it's a green light.
- July 12th, 2009, 01:06 am
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waltercl is Feeling good about life ............................

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mystikchik wrote :
I think most men, not all, prefer that a woman be docile, a bit stupid, certainly more stupid than themselves and that they never, never disagree with their man. He has a penis so he must be smart or so he thinks.......
To the OP, read the above quote for what type of attitude NOT to convey toward men.

There are unhealthy men and unhealthy women who are looking for unhealthy relationships, but I wouldn't say it is most of either gender.

Most men would not have a problem with you displaying intelligence or being assertive in going after the things you want. I'd rather know up front if someone wants to be with me and makes it a point to show me. This is much preferable to playing games like being "hard to get" or "trying to play it cool." This can often be interpreted as disinterested, and he'll just move on.

Of course you can come off as too aggressive or too clingy or too needy. I think the way to not do that is express how you feel and what you want in a measured way and don't come off too strong too quick. Letting him know you like him and want to spend more time with him is good. Hinting that you're ready to get serious or even get married within the first couple of dates is too much too soon.

Last edited by waltercl; July 12th, 2009 at 10:46 pm.
- July 12th, 2009, 01:11 am
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outlaw1 Time for the phalanx to go back to work...

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OP I added this top part. Please understand my response isn't directed towards you. It's more of a rhetorical response gotten from the 1,000 offline men I've spoken to. My hope is some women out there realize how most men offline think. Online many men are too scared to tell women the truth. The below article does not include Political Correct men's opinion as irl they represent a small minority. Though offline some of the men I talked to were PC; most weren't.

I hope I wasn't too insensitive here. A lot of men think of negative images when they hear the words "aggressive" & "career woman" in the same sentence. What can YOU do on your E Harmony profile to dispell this myth?

For the smart woman online dating consumer, seperate what some men online say. Many men say one thing online but offline tell their male buddies another thing. Also seperate what the 20 something PC male says to what the target age group male would say offline.

Finally, adjust your E Harmony profile to reflect that you are not only a modern woman, but that YOU DO HAVE TIME IN YOUR LIFE FOR A MAN. AND THAT MAN ISN'T JUST ANOTHER PIECE OF FURNITURE IN YOUR PERHAPS BUSY & ALREADY CROWDED HOUSEHOLD.

Men don't want to fight all day in the office/work only to come home and have daily battles with his wife because his language/actions aren't politically correct. We want to be as respected as you demand us to respect you. The smart woman consumer learns to educate herself as much as possible, get intel from real men & read between the lines to achieve her mate goal.}

The New Dating rules aren't dictated by Dating authors.
Today they are dictated [as always] by supply and demand. Less available men today who want less demanding woman=an opportunity for women to adapt to the men. Not vice versa which is what all dating articles tell you. That's not supply and demand. That's just plain dumb and will leave the woman angry.

Which many online dating women already are. It's all simple math. In the end it's Mothernature, not dating authors/articles, which affect modern online dating.Think about that statement before you read the rest of this article. Also take into account how Divorce Courts have severely affected men and how MEN HAVE CHANGED THEIR DATING HABITS BECAUSE OF THAT.}

To be an ignorant or mislead customer, is to lose your full value per your online dating investment.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++




outlaw1 wrote :
Yes we want the most aggressive, kick em in the n uts, got hair on the chest types?!@ We want our women to be severely demanding who carries a magnum gun on her hip. And uses it if we get out of line...

I'm a little lost per the title of this question hence my attempt per humor. Here's what I've found out to be true-very aggressive women are good in bed. But sooner or later they ALWAYS get mad at the guy. Think end of the relationship mad.

And those type of women that some of us men thought were at first, great in bed, become a roaring Tiger with nails extended, ready to rip for little reason. Now I did say this was MY EXPERIENCE IN LIFE.

This has nothing to do with a strong woman. They can be very se xually attractive. This has nothing to do with a successful woman. Great she's not homeless and has a good job. This has nothing to do with a woman who knows what she wants.
To me it has everything to do with a woman's attitude-is she a team player? Or does she consider herself the Captain of the team, Coach, Mentor and Owner? Am I nothing but an atm?

How would I fit into her life? And does she have the time for me? Or will I always be playing second fiddle to the children, three dogs, one horse, grandparents, two birds and her career?

One reason why I think women online are complaining so much per dating, is that today's women are mostly the complete opposite of women in the 1980s. Most men don't want an aggressive career type woman unless her attitude tells us we aren't just a piece of furniture to her.

As an expert on today's gender relations, a female friend of mine [she's an advocate for women, children and men] says "women want a liberal relationship while men want a conservative one."

And all the men that I know, don't want a too aggressive woman who then becomes his enemy. We call that high maintainence [before she rips our gonads off in Divorce Court.] Please understand I don't mean to sound insensitive. I've seen my brother die while going thru divorce. I almost died going thru divorce [parental alienation.]

What do men want in women today? E Harmony did a poll years ago [it's probably too politically incorrect today.] The #1 thing E Harmony men wanted in a woman, was a kind woman. All those dating articles are lying to ya'll women. Dating articles are telling women to "keep up your standards" and become more difficult.

Meanwhile the brothers are running full speed away from committing to women. Just ask any 100 men offline [online men aren't as truthful, in case they might have a chance to "get some."] We don't want high maintainence, overly aggressive career women who have little to no time for us. Which is the exact opposite of what dating articles tell women [dating articles blow smoke up women's dresses and say men are to blame for today's dating conundrum.]

For me, being a high energy outgoing male, I'd prefer a more subdued, intelligent woman who has time for me in her life. A woman who NEEDS a man as opposed to a woman with the attitude that "I don't need a man." In short, if I smell feminist in any way, I'm out. If she's an aggressive woman at work, I'm out.

That's too high maintainence for me. I'm not interested in daily battles because my vocabulary isn't politically correct, etc. I'm not interested in a power struggle at home; fighting in the office is enough. Might I suggest if you are a high aggresive woman that you seek out a shy beta male?

I don't need a girly girl. I'd prefer a strong intelligent woman. Former tom boy turn more womanly would be perfect. But if she doesn't know the difference between battling while at work, and coming off her warrioress attitude per homelife, then that's the biggest red flag for me. I'll leave her for the younger men [who don't get heart attacks so quickly] to tangle with.

Peace and good luck to you.

PS: how did American women get so manly? I married one of these highly aggressive types. I'm still fighting parental alienation on and off since 1999. Been there, done that and won't do it again.
- July 12th, 2009, 01:31 am
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outlaw1 Time for the phalanx to go back to work...

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Also, I forgot, beware the men who only want s ex. They will tell you anything to get it. Bottomline, target your search to the type of man you are looking for [yes online women who use a dating website should be searching and initiating many matches a week.]

Good luck women. I don't mean to bash aggressive women. Perhaps it's because I'm aggressive myself and prefer a more introverted woman [or ambivert-half and half.]

In the end, the only thing that matters, is your results. Like looking for a job, online dating requires us all to ocassional stand back, check out what is working and what isn't...and adjust according.

Happy hunting!@
- July 12th, 2009, 01:36 am
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Just noting that this thread was started over a year ago and was brought back from the dead today after being dormant for a very, very long time.

The OP no longer posts here and it's extremely unlikely that she will see any of the responses. Feel free to respond to the general question, but there is no need to direct your response to the OP.
- July 12th, 2009, 01:45 am
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The truth is that each of us are different. It's not fair to generalize that "all women who are baby boomers are ....anything" Each man is different, too. And the interaction and relationship between any couple will not be the same as if you took that same man and put him together with another woman who has similar characteristics as the first one. None of us are mix and match-the chemistry and interaction will be different with each new person. It's ok if one wants aggression and another wants someone who is easy going. If we were all the same, it would be a pretty boring world.
- July 12th, 2009, 02:55 am
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