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JohnD.34 JohnD.34 is offline
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JohnD.34 This Site Is Dedicated To MystikChik

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Pris, wrote :
I am having a difficult time figuring out what men want. Should women be more willing to take things slowly? Does a women who knows what she wants and conveys it (tactfully) scare men off? In the "real world", I agressively pursue the things I want to accomplish, but online dating has thrown me a curve. Guys, what do you think?
Be true to yourself. I have happily dated shy non assertive women and have also happily dated extroverted, assertive women. I have dated women because they asked me out. I hadn't read the signals correctly and she put me straight about what it was she was after. Other women I have had to make the first move because there would be no way that they would ever consider being the one who took the lead. I can't say I have a preference when it comes to assertive or non assertive. I simply like the women I date to be honest, to be themselves and not to say or do things that they think will make me like them more.





- April 14th, 2008, 06:07 pm
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yetanotherdavid yetanotherdavid is offline
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mystikchik wrote :

I don't know David, at least, not with any certainty. I am not even sure that baby boomer chicks ever were all that liberated, or free, or open. I know some women who are forty or so years old, which I think makes them a baby boomer woman and they aren't right wing, or conservative, or christian. Now some of them bash guys, for sure. They are survivors of bad marriages and fantasies about living happily ever after that didn't live up to the bill of sales. They often blame guys for this loss of innocence.

I think though that a lot of people, including a lot of women, follow social and cultural scripts. In the sixties and seventies it was cool to be a flower child/hippie and make with the free love stuff and I am liberated and burn my bra thingee.

Along come the 80s and it was cool to be a spend till you drop YUPPIE or DINK. Now in Republican America it is cool to be right wing, christian and a loud mouthed proponent of sex is bad unless licensed.

I think the chicks you are talking about were followers in the 60s, 70s, 80s and are so today. Whatever is the script they will follow it.
They were liberated, free and open compared to the extremely conservative fifties. The sixties was my Mother’s generation. She raised two children as a single parent back when it wasn’t cool and had one heck of a stigma attached. She was intelligent enough to know single was better off than taking physical abuse from a dominating, controlling, drinking, smoking, angry male. I watched how people treated her then and it opened my eyes. I’ve told her recently how much I admired her strength through those years. I was one of the eighties DINKs… ex and I lived together (in sin) before we gave in to friends and family pressure to marry. Even today… every time I date someone for more than a year, the questions come up about when we will marry. Most questions are from older women. Mothers and Grandmothers don’t seem to support a woman who wants to be an independent professional. They seem to disapprove of the freedom women today have to be an equal to a man… at least here in the central states. I’m still looking for these professional women here… the ones I read about who think men are timid and scared away by their intelligence and success. Bring them on!
- April 15th, 2008, 11:48 am
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mystikchik mystikchik is offline
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I never really get why it is people who love each other feel they must get a license to prove it. Why would I need the approval of the state of California or some local preacher or priest before sharing my life with a man I love? It just doesn't make any sense to me. I can see where the typical bible literalist may feel his or her god will torture them forever if they have sex withouta license.

But why people who are not shackled by religous doctrines would want to get married is something I just don'tunderstand. The last people that I would take any advise from in terms of the wonders of marriage would be my parents or siblings: all of them married at least twice and sometimes more and all of them wound up hating each other.

I respect women like your mom. Today, it is no big deal at all to be a single mom. Back then I bet it was really put down by the local chapters of the moral, outspoken, majority.
- April 15th, 2008, 12:38 pm
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yetanotherdavid yetanotherdavid is offline
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mystikchik wrote :

I never really get why it is people who love each other feel they must get a license to prove it. Why would I need the approval of the state of California or some local preacher or priest before sharing my life with a man I love? It just doesn't make any sense to me. I can see where the typical bible literalist may feel his or her god will torture them forever if they have sex withouta license.

But why people who are not shackled by religous doctrines would want to get married is something I just don'tunderstand. The last people that I would take any advise from in terms of the wonders of marriage would be my parents or siblings: all of them married at least twice and sometimes more and all of them wound up hating each other.

I respect women like your mom. Today, it is no big deal at all to be a single mom. Back then I bet it was really put down by the local chapters of the moral, outspoken, majority.
What got to me more than the license to be in love and live together was to pay hundreds of dollars to a lawyer (no contest so didn’t need a second lawyer) and wait for a judge to agree that we no longer loved each other and had his permission to be recognized by the state as divorced. You are (or soon will become) a legal professional. Marriage is right there with articles of incorporation or limited liability partnership. It’s all state contract and little religion. Some do it just for the tax filing status… although that was worth more back then than now… so it is a lame excuse. I guess if you have an up to date and valid will, you don’t have to worry about property rights in the event of a loss of loved one. And you are correct… nothing is worth a family or friends hating each other when things just don’t work out or two people grow in different ways.
- April 15th, 2008, 01:42 pm
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yetanotherdavid wrote :
mystikchik wrote :

I think most men, not all, prefer that a woman be docile, a bit stupid, certainly more stupid than themselves and that they never, never disagree with their man. He has a penis so he must be smart or so he thinks.Fortunately, I know many men who do not fit this middle America bible belt male model.

I don't see why any woman would change who she is just to keep some guy happy. The men who date me, more than once, know that I am not docile; I am not stupid and I will not hesitate for a moment to disagree with them, if they act or say something stupid or racist or sexist.

Does this scare some guys away? Sure. I don't care, though. I don't ask that guys change for me and I won't change for them.
There used to be many baby boomer women who were liberated, free, open, agressiveand think the way you do but something turned them all into right wing conservative male bashers. I'm interested in your theory of what happened to change them.
don't know which baby-boomer women you hang with...but my cohorts are NOT male bashers..we are liberated, free and independent thinkers... actually the only right wing conservative women I have gotten to know are not male bashers at all..they think men should control the universe and the check book....they do not even believe in birth control!



- April 15th, 2008, 03:08 pm
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jamfrisco wrote :
I can't speak for everyone but for me I want a woman who is honest, comfortable with who she is and what she wants both in life and in a man and honestly, agressiveness by a woman in my opinion is awesome. It is refreshing to hear a woman ask this question, too many times I believe women wait for the man to be aggresive, which is fine but there should be balance. Seriously if a particular man is what you want, then by all means go for it, what do you have to lose anyway?
it is so nice to hear this, I recently went on a date with a really nice guy but didnt get a call from him afterwards although the date went well, anyhow I called him and said thank you and look forward to doing it again, he returned this called 24 hours later saying ditto and that he was busy and would call when he was free, well he never called even though he said he would, anyhow to cut the story short, I text him yesterday as I havent heard from him in over two weeks, and said "I thort you were an honest person and would tell me the truth", meaning he wasnt being truthful with me, anyhow he calls immediately asking what did I mean, I said I guessed he wasnt really interested and I wanted to know for sure as we have to work together occasionally, he got irritated with me because I aparantly repeated my self 4 times saying ("I dont know how this dating game works as its been a long time since I dated") but did apologize for not calling me at all during that time, and that he was irritable because he had just woken up from sleep, I said you should go sleep again then and said goodbye, I almost feel regret for sending it, and want to talk to him regarding the message but dont want to make things worse, can you advise me what I should do next if anything?

Thanks in advance Tracy
- April 21st, 2008, 10:21 am
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elderbabe wrote :
yetanotherdavid wrote :
mystikchik wrote :

I think most men, not all, prefer that a woman be docile, a bit stupid, certainly more stupid than themselves and that they never, never disagree with their man. He has a penis so he must be smart or so he thinks.Fortunately, I know many men who do not fit this middle America bible belt male model.

I don't see why any woman would change who she is just to keep some guy happy. The men who date me, more than once, know that I am not docile; I am not stupid and I will not hesitate for a moment to disagree with them, if they act or say something stupid or racist or sexist.

Does this scare some guys away? Sure. I don't care, though. I don't ask that guys change for me and I won't change for them.
There used to be many baby boomer women who were liberated, free, open, agressiveand think the way you do but something turned them all into right wing conservative male bashers. I'm interested in your theory of what happened to change them.
don't know which baby-boomer women you hang with...but my cohorts are NOT male bashers..we are liberated, free and independent thinkers... actually the only right wing conservative women I have gotten to know are not male bashers at all..they think men should control the universe and the check book....they do not even believe in birth control!


You are the only one to answer so far... where are the numbers? It may be that you are in Washington D.C. and I'm inbible belt Tulsa. I'm matched up with God fearing, Church going, Bush is always right conservatives who are looking for the next guy to take care of them, control them, bash them, abuse them and leave them as they say the last guy did. It's either that or the devoted Oprah follower (complete with magazine subscription and taped / DVR episodes) I don't find too many of you siding up with Mystik or any of the other twenty somethings shaking things up around here who are persuing their professional career, interested in keeping their independence while sharing a meaningful to both parties relationship that might eventually become a love for the rest of our lives. Where are they?
- April 21st, 2008, 03:13 pm
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yetanotherdavid wrote :
There used to be many baby boomer women who were liberated, free, open, agressive and think the way you do but something turned them all into right wing conservative male bashers. I'm interested in your theory of what happened to change them.
don't know which baby-boomer women you hang with...but my cohorts are NOT male bashers..we are liberated, free and independent thinkers... actually the only right wing conservative women I have gotten to know are not male bashers at all..they think men should control the universe and the check book....they do not even believe in birth control!



[/quote]

You are the only one to answer so far... where are the numbers? It may be that you are in Washington D.C. and I'm in bible belt Tulsa. I'm matched up with God fearing, Church going, Bush is always right conservatives who are looking for the next guy to take care of them, control them, bash them, abuse them and leave them as they say the last guy did. It's either that or the devoted Oprah follower (complete with magazine subscription and taped / DVR episodes) I don't find too many of you siding up with Mystik or any of the other twenty somethings shaking things up around here who are persuing their professional career, interested in keeping their independence while sharing a meaningful to both parties relationship that might eventually become a love for the rest of our lives. Where are they?[/quote]

Well, as you said, you're in Tulsa.



I'm in a "mixed" area, as far as the political/religious leanings go. The little town I live in is full of right-wingers and angry fundamentalists, but the university town a few miles away is much more liberal. There are even Unitarians there! Most of the women I meet there are professionals who are indeed independent and want an egalitarian relationship. In the town where I live and work, not so much.
- April 21st, 2008, 04:26 pm
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NancyG NancyG is offline
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Dang, sorry about that formatting!
- April 21st, 2008, 04:27 pm
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I like guys to take the lead but I like honest communication. The minute I sense he is not being truthful I'll let it go to give him his space for whatever reason but if it continues during the factfinding about each other something is wrong. Then I will be more direct .. I'm not trying to force his hand or anything but why dilly dally? Just end it and move on if it's not going to work out.
- April 21st, 2008, 05:13 pm
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