WAS I or HE PLAYING GAMES? or IS HE JUST A JERK

Dear Tonee88,


It's usually quite hard for a person to step back and seek to see him- or herself the way they come across to others but you seem open to some feedback . . . .


Here's some food for thought:


1. Seems there was quite a bit of rudeness going on - on your part. You were there to see your girlfriend and met a man who you let, ". . . practically spent the whole weekend with me at my friends house until that Tuesday morning when I took a flight back home."


That is beyond rude and you owe your friend an apology. Spending an evening with said man with the permission of your friend would have been fine, but the whole weekend and then going off with him was completely inexcusable.


Your friend is not there for you to use while you conduct your love life at her house. You need to learn to respect other people and you did not exhibit it to your friend.


2. You also need to learn to draw proper boundaries. You should have explained kindly to the gentleman that you're visiting your friend, and that even though you're happy to meet him, seeing him further would interfere with time with your friend.


If there was a time that she was going to be gone (say to work), with her permission, you would be happy to get together with him, but not at her house. You do not have the right to invite people to your host's house.


How would you feel if your good friend pushed you aside when visiting to pursue her love life? It shows great selfishness on your part that you would give more attention to this stranger you just met than your dear friend.


3. Then, you already had a prior commitment to meet another man that weekend that was pre-arranged, yet you just blew him off as if he were so unimportant and did not have anything better to do with his time than be stood up by you.


The world does not revolve around you and neither do others. You treated this man you were supposed to meet with such disrespect as if your obligation could be discarded at whim, just as your friend whose house you were staying at could be ignored while you went on romantic rendevous.


Your rudeness and self-centeredness is astounding!


4. You jumped to conclusions about why he canceled your visiting him and in a "fit" blew him off. You sound very short-tempered and quite immature, not to mention impatient and as if the world revolved around you and your wishes. I'm sorry to say you're exhibiting very childish, immature, spoiled behavior as one who expects to get their way regardless of others.


5. You really got "mad," you wrote. You barely know this man, certainly not enough to get mad to such a level as this. You sound like you're an emotional roller-coaster and not very stable not to mention being unable to exercise even the slightest self-control and discipline.


6. Further you write you, ". . . gave him a hard time about visiting me . . . . " After all this, I can't imagine that anyone would want to get to know you as you're extremely high maintenance, selfish, and not emotionally stable. You're very volatile and ready to ignite in a flash it seems.


7. He felt that you were playing games you write. Yes, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. You're a huge game player and are unable to relate in honest, authentic, responsible ways that show intergrity and are about the other person - not yourself. You lack sensitivity to others and their feelings and are quite the narcissist - consumed entirely with self.


8. You write, ". . . I was so annoyed he wanted me to call him . . . . " Goodness, it was to advantage that he didn't call you and continue this complete nonsense of your's.


9. Dear lady, you really need to wake up and see that YOU'RE the one who is quite cold and heartless.


10. You seem to have someemotional issues, and perhaps a personality flaw of being narcissistic, besidesgreat immaturity, and you could benefit greatlyfrom somereally good, licensed professional help in getting your temper under control, learning what it really means to be a good friend, what the ingredients of a good relationship are, and why you think you're such a queen bee and others are so unimportant.


This sounds harsh but is a wake-up call to you to see yourself as you are and come across to others. What you want most in life will continue to elude you if you keep on in this vein! The world and others do not revolve around you even though you attempt to manipulate people for your own ends.


Be a person who is patient, loving, kind, slow to anger, quick to think well of others and their motives, who is unselfish, helpful, and understanding; honest with integrity, responsible, meeting other's needs.


You have a lot of work ahead of you but you can do it if you put your mind to it and with some outside help as you will not think any of this pertains to how you are and come across.


Wishing you well.


JavaJava5

I met this man when I was visiting afriend at another state. I met him on a Friday nite andhe practically spent the whole weekend with me at my friends house until that Tuesday morning when I took a flight back home. He said he was married for 13 years and his wife cheated on him and he had been divorced for almost three years. He knew I worked for the Airlines and told him I visted his town frequently, becasue of my friend and her husband who live there. During my stay it was Valentines weekend and we drove to another state (about 1 hour drive) while we were there he asked to buy me a painting& I quickly said no thanks, (not because i didn't want it but because I didn't want to carry it on the plane)he said he wanted me to have something as a rembrance or somethin.We hadalready talked about seein eachother again and he wanted tovisit me at my home state, so I saidI didn't really need a remembrance.I was supose to meet someone else that weekend and i told him that,he asked me if it were a male or femalebut I did't answer, I dont know why I couldn't give him an answer but it was someone I was interested in but I cancelled with the other guy to hang out with him. Anyway after I got back home, he text & called. Later in the weekshe would call about twice a week & every time we spoke it was atleast 20 min to an hour. Everything seemed fine.We had set a date for him to come down for a long weekend but we had spoken about me visiting him back at his hometown b4 him coming to see me,buthe blew off me coming to see him& that got me really mad,so went it was time for him 2 visit meI blew it off. He seemed insistant onvisiting me, at one point he even said he didn't have to go to a bachelor party that was in Miami and that he could come to see me instead. At the beginning he called on a weekend but since then always called me during the week and I couldn't stand that so I gave him a hard time about visitng me instead of asking him some questions,we never laid down any cards,or talked if anyone was seein someone in their hometown.Needless to say the phone relationship dwindled and we stopped talking. After a coupleof months I had text him &told him I wascoming to his hometown to visit my girlfriend and I wanted to see him.He said ok, I told him I would get in touch with him when I was settled. When I arrived that dayhe had text me the first day and wanted toknow if I was there yet. I said yes and I told him we would see each other the next day due to his schedule and my friends schedule. My friend and I finally meet up with him.(he knows my friend and hedidnt ask to meet by ourselves)We had a nice conversation the three of us.When I wasnt at the table my friend asked him what went wrong and what happened, he said he was seein someone but is not anymore but he felt that I was playing games and that he didnt know why we were playing games. We ended the nite short, he gave me a hug and a kiss on the lips, he asked me3 times for me to call him the next day to tell him what we were doin, but I was soannoyed he wanted me to call him, instead of him calling me, I didnt say yes to calling him, then he gruntingly said he would call but never did. I did call him and text him the next day but never heard back from him at all. Was I playing games or was he and I dont know why he couldn't even respond to me and just be a man about it.How cansomeone be this cold orheartless?