I am so confused by his behavior-help!


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Trish58 is offline Trish58 Post #1  December 4,2008, 8:06pm
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We have been dating for about 6 weeks. From the instant we met we hit it off. We both just got each other. We laughed for hours and closed the restaurant. He travels a lot and had to leave the next day but he called and emailed me while he was gone, saying he had a great time. We saw each other as much as we could, each date was better. He told me over and over how beautiful I was and how crazy he was for me. He had to leave the country for 10 days and we missed each other so much, with some effort, he came home 3 days early. We were so happy to see each other, couldn't keep our hands off each other. He told me he loved me.


I recently broke off a long-term relationship and there was a lot going on with me with dealing with some issues (we lived together and were engaged), but he said he understood and it was what it was, and he was ok with it. We talked and emailed several times a day and saw each other whenever we could.


The last time I saw him, we went to a bar to watch a sporting event. He lives about an hour away. We went to my house after and he left saying he wasn't comfortable there since my fiancee used to live at my house, and he drove home. I called to ask him why he didn't stay. He just said he had work to do and he wasn't comforable staying there. I wanted to see him the next night and he said no, he needed to contemplate this. We haven't communicated much since except last night he called from his car and said he missed me and not to give up on us, mentioned getting together on Fridayand he would call me in an hour since he was in a bad cellphone place. I haven't heard from him since. I called and left a message and emailed but got nothing.


I don't know if he is avoiding me or if he got in a car accident. I don't know who I could call to find out but I don't want to sound like an idiot either. What should I do? Ignore him and wait for him to call, or call his office to see if he is still alive? I feel so betrayed and hurt. I am really bewildered. He told me I was all he thought of. What is up?
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #2  December 4,2008, 8:48pm
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I think that the man is completely insane.


How far into the relationship did he say "I love you"? (emotional problem perhaps.)


He may have used that one to get you into bed. He may have called you back & said he missed you for the same reason.


If the exfiancee lived there issues are true, then I think he has some major emotional problems.


If you really want to know if he's still alive, then call his work & ask THEM if he is in. Don't call for him.
 
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Doctora2012 is offline Doctora2012 Post #3  December 4,2008, 8:48pm
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I'd wait for him to call. He clearly stated that he need to "contemplate this" (i.e. your previous fiancee living at your house) and that he didn't want you to give up "us." If he's serious about the latter, he'll call. If he doesn't, then it may be time for you to move on....


Trust that he is okay and didn't get into an accident (if it meant that men were in car accidents every time they didn't call back, then there'd only be a few men left on earth).





....Best wishes
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  December 4,2008, 9:09pm
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If he has a problem with your exfiancee living at your house, then I think he has some major problems.


If you really want to know if he's still alive, then call his work & ask if he is in and use a phone that will not show your number on their Caller ID.
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #5  December 4,2008, 9:12pm
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Hi Trish,


Oh dear, that's a tough one. I was trying to put myself inyour shoes before answering. I'm afraid I don't have any advice with the exception of "don't contact him"I don't reallybelieve you think he was in some sort of accidentTrish. It was too early to reveal your past (possibly?). 6 weeks isn't a lot of time invested, but you did get "close" fast. Words of love spoken so soon is a red flag for me, sorry.


K
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #6  December 4,2008, 9:37pm
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Trish58, wrote :

We have been dating for about 6 weeks. From the instant we met we hit it off. We both just got each other. We laughed for hours and closed the restaurant. He travels a lot and had to leave the next day but he called and emailed me while he was gone, saying he had a great time. We saw each other as much as we could, each date was better. He told me over and over how beautiful I was and how crazy he was for me. He had to leave the country for 10 days and we missed each other so much, with some effort, he came home 3 days early. We were so happy to see each other, couldn't keep our hands off each other. He told me he loved me.


I recently broke off a long-term relationship and there was a lot going on with me with dealing with some issues (we lived together and were engaged), but he said he understood and it was what it was, and he was ok with it. We talked and emailed several times a day and saw each other whenever we could.


The last time I saw him, we went to a bar to watch a sporting event. He lives about an hour away. We went to my house after and he left saying he wasn't comfortable there since my fiancee used to live at my house, and he drove home. I called to ask him why he didn't stay. He just said he had work to do and he wasn't comforable staying there. I wanted to see him the next night and he said no, he needed to contemplate this. We haven't communicated much since except last night he called from his car and said he missed me and not to give up on us, mentioned getting together on Fridayand he would call me in an hour since he was in a bad cellphone place. I haven't heard from him since. I called and left a message and emailed but got nothing.


I don't know if he is avoiding me or if he got in a car accident. I don't know who I could call to find out but I don't want to sound like an idiot either. What should I do? Ignore him and wait for him to call, or call his office to see if he is still alive? I feel so betrayed and hurt. I am really bewildered. He told me I was all he thought of. What is up?
First, e-mail him and find out if he's okayfor your own peace of mind . . . then you can kill him for disappearing without a word. The way you described his behavior definitely reaks of his withdrawing from the situation. He may care for you but what it sounds like is that he is just truly not comfortable with your unfinished business with your ex fiance'. I don't know how long "recent" is but he may feel there may be an altercation if he shows up and your ex just happens to drop by. He may not feel like you're completely free and doesn't want to interfere with the process you're completing.


Now, he could have said something to that effect and you two could have discussed alternatives but clearly, he's avoiding you. I'd e-mail him (don't call him) and ask him why he hasn't contacted you and that you were worried about him and that you'd like to know at least what happened. If he doesn't respond, don't pursue it. It's very sad but some guys/gals just do that, even if they lead you to believe they're totally into you. It's hard to fathom after being so intimate that someone would just poof on you but this is a wierd world in dating.
 
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Trish58 is offline Trish58 Post #7  December 5,2008, 4:26am
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit,369467 wrote :

Hi Trish,


Oh dear, that's a tough one. I was trying to put myself inyour shoes before answering. I'm afraid I don't have any advice with the exception of "don't contact him"I don't reallybelieve you think he was in some sort of accidentTrish. It was too early to reveal your past (possibly?). 6 weeks isn't a lot of time invested, but you did get "close" fast. Words of love spoken so soon is a red flag for me, sorry.


K
We did move fast and I feel so stupid, but it felt so right. I know there is a lesson in every mistake we make, but this one hurts so bad, right now I feel like the only thing to do is curl up in a ball and cry.


People can be so cruel and heartless. What is wrong with this world? I guess it is better that I see this part of him sooner than later.


Thanks for your comments.


Trish
 
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Trish58 is offline Trish58 Post #8  December 5,2008, 4:34am
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Songryder,369486 wrote :

Trish58, wrote :


We have been dating for about 6 weeks. From the instant we met we hit it off. We both just got each other. We laughed for hours and closed the restaurant. He travels a lot and had to leave the next day but he called and emailed me while he was gone, saying he had a great time. We saw each other as much as we could, each date was better. He told me over and over how beautiful I was and how crazy he was for me. He had to leave the country for 10 days and we missed each other so much, with some effort, he came home 3 days early. We were so happy to see each other, couldn't keep our hands off each other. He told me he loved me.


I recently broke off a long-term relationship and there was a lot going on with me with dealing with some issues (we lived together and were engaged), but he said he understood and it was what it was, and he was ok with it. We talked and emailed several times a day and saw each other whenever we could.


The last time I saw him, we went to a bar to watch a sporting event. He lives about an hour away. We went to my house after and he left saying he wasn't comfortable there since my fiancee used to live at my house, and he drove home. I called to ask him why he didn't stay. He just said he had work to do and he wasn't comforable staying there. I wanted to see him the next night and he said no, he needed to contemplate this. We haven't communicated much since except last night he called from his car and said he missed me and not to give up on us, mentioned getting together on Fridayand he would call me in an hour since he was in a bad cellphone place. I haven't heard from him since. I called and left a message and emailed but got nothing.


I don't know if he is avoiding me or if he got in a car accident. I don't know who I could call to find out but I don't want to sound like an idiot either. What should I do? Ignore him and wait for him to call, or call his office to see if he is still alive? I feel so betrayed and hurt. I am really bewildered. He told me I was all he thought of. What is up?


First, e-mail him and find out if he's okayfor your own peace of mind . . . then you can kill him for disappearing without a word. The way you described his behavior definitely reaks of his withdrawing from the situation. He may care for you but what it sounds like is that he is just truly not comfortable with your unfinished business with your ex fiance'. I don't know how long "recent" is but he may feel there may be an altercation if he shows up and your ex just happens to drop by. He may not feel like you're completely free and doesn't want to interfere with the process you're completing.


Now, he could have said something to that effect and you two could have discussed alternatives but clearly, he's avoiding you. I'd e-mail him (don't call him) and ask him why he hasn't contacted you and that you were worried about him and that you'd like to know at least what happened. If he doesn't respond, don't pursue it. It's very sad but some guys/gals just do that, even if they lead you to believe they're totally into you. It's hard to fathom after being so intimate that someone would just poof on you but this is a wierd world in dating.

That's pretty much how I feel. If he isn't dead, I want to kill him. What a jerk. Serious, how can anyone just disappear after what we had? I am in the people business and he seemed so sincere and honest and "normal".


We'll see what happens. He even brought me a bunch of gifts for me and my kids from China. And why not talk, why disappear?


Thanks for your comments. It is hard to forget and move on.


Trish
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #9  December 5,2008, 4:50am
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Do you know when HIS last relationship was? Your situation sounds like a classic rebound relationship ...extremely intense and short-lived ...but it would be the first I've heard of where the rebounder (you) wanted to keep the relationship going and the reboundee didn't.


I'm going to take another stab and ask if you have anything of your fiance's hanging aroundyour house?...pictures? ...clothes? ...memorabilia that you just can't help talking about? Something set him off about being in your house, something maybe scared him into realizing he is a rebound, or as Songryder said, he may have just been worried that your fiance would show up and start something.


Either way, and for whatever reason, it sounds like he's poofed.
 
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Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #10  December 5,2008, 5:11am
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When a man says he needs time alone to think about something, he needs time alone. If you keep contacting him, it will only annoy him and cause him to take longer to think things over. It will also make him question how emotionally needy you are. It's best for you to refrain from doing anything to contact him.


If you have any items in your house that reveal your ex's prior presence, you need to remove them so this doesn't happen again (with him or anyone else).


Then again, he could simply be worried about whether you're really over your ex and emotionally ready for him. Maybe he figured he'd go away and give YOU time to think about that.


Linda >'='
 
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