missindy23 is offline missindy23 Post #1  December 2,2008, 1:42pm
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My fiance and I just broke up. 4 months ago I lied about something in our life that was very big. Now he does not trust me I want the trust, but to earn his trust there are things like talking to my daughters father unless it pertains to here. Not working past ten and always having my phone so he canget a hold of me. I have a hard time with these things because I have a fear of being controlled I feel I am loosing my independence. I won't to over come these things so I can regain his trust.
 
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rarangure is offline rarangure Post #2  December 2,2008, 3:22pm
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Once trust is broken, especially for something big like cheating (not saying that's what this was), it's almost impossible to get back. And the person who violated the trust basically has to give up their life to prove to the other they can be trusted. At some point, it should lighten up, but it's an individual thing, and only you can decide how long you can do it for. I've been through that, but on the other side. In the end, he couldn't do it. He would last about 2 weeks, then say I should completely trust him again. Unfortunately it's not that easy. If you REALLY love him, and you REALLY want to earn the trust again, do what he asks, BUT ALSO GET PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. There needs to be a mediator involved, not only for you, but for your fiance as well.


Good luck.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #3  December 2,2008, 3:39pm
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I agree with Ranrangure ...if you love him, you'll jump through the flaming hoops to regain the trust (yeah, that means being 'controlled' a little bit) ...just be careful and make sure there's an end to it. This is the main reason why couples attempting to overcome infidelity don't work out ...it changes the 'power' ratio significantly. At some point, he's either going to regain that trust ...or not.
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #4  December 3,2008, 1:58am
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I'm missing something here to be able to even comment. Not to pry but what was it? The word 'control' always makes me wince and run. One should not have to lose their independence when in a relationship. It makes you feel like you're losing your individuality. If you feel comfortable, fill in the blanks on your post, and I'll be happy to respond.
 
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LisaRey is offline LisaRey Post #5  December 3,2008, 5:49am
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Depending on what the trust issue was, regaining trust can sometimes be a never ending story. In cheating for instance, can trust be ever fully regained? There may always be that little doubt in the back of your mind wondering that, if the opportunity once again presented itself, would he /she fall again? Some issues may take years to regain the ground lost in an instant. From the gist of your post's conditions I would suspect something to do with your ex. If that is the case you may want to check your shock absorbers as I see a rocky and bumpy road ahead.
 
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argytunes is offline argytunes Post #6  December 4,2008, 7:02am
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Question for missindy23:


"How many other people have you hurt (in the past) by lying?"


If this is your normal pattern...you really can't expect forgiveness or acceptability from the people you love...let alone LIKE A LOT!


Judging from your original post, it doesn't sound like you're totally comfortable sharing your life with anybody? Your daughters are probably the only exception!


argytunes
 
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