PAST RELATIONSHIPS INTERFERING WITH NEW ONES!


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babygirl23 is offline babygirl23 Post #1  December 2,2008, 7:59am
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My boyfriend not only continues to talk/text ex-girlfriends, but he has continuously lied to me about it. I don't worry that he'll cheat on me, but I can't understand the need to stay connected to them...especially when they've treated him badly during their relationships. I have male "friends" that I talk to occasionally...not ones I've ever been in a relationship with...and so he thinks it's okay for him to talk to these girls since I talk to my male friends. The problem is, he has continuously lied to me when I've asked him about talking to them. He has deleted the calls/texts from his phone so I wouldn't find out and he was adamant about not letting me get on our Verizon account, knowing I would see the calls/texts. When I did get on the account and find out, he was furious with me for "checking up on him." After promising he would start talking to them in front of me, or not call them at all, he has continued to go behind my back and do it. Is it wrong of me to expect him to break the ties or at least not be so secretive about it? I love him, but feel like it's either me or them...which he pretty much told me he couldn't stop talking to them and I had to accept it if this relationship was going to work!!
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #2  December 2,2008, 11:07am
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In my experience, the only people who get mad at being "checked up on" are the people who have something to hide.


Trust is a terrible thing to lose. If he's being this secretive about it, going behind your back, and lying ...there is probably something there.


I'd kick this guy to the curb.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #3  December 2,2008, 12:09pm
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babygirl23, wrote :

My boyfriend not only continues to talk/text ex-girlfriends, but he has continuously lied to me about it. I don't worry that he'll cheat on me, but I can't understand the need to stay connected to them...especially when they've treated him badly during their relationships. I have male "friends" that I talk to occasionally...not ones I've ever been in a relationship with...and so he thinks it's okay for him to talk to these girls since I talk to my male friends. The problem is, he has continuously lied to me when I've asked him about talking to them. He has deleted the calls/texts from his phone so I wouldn't find out and he was adamant about not letting me get on our Verizon account, knowing I would see the calls/texts. When I did get on the account and find out, he was furious with me for "checking up on him." After promising he would start talking to them in front of me, or not call them at all, he has continued to go behind my back and do it. Is it wrong of me to expect him to break the ties or at least not be so secretive about it? I love him, but feel like it's either me or them...which he pretty much told me he couldn't stop talking to them and I had to accept it if this relationship was going to work!!
So he's keeping in touch with these ex's because he's trying to get even with you for having male friends . . . how old is this guy, 12? This is nothing but petty jealousy. I think it's wrong that you haven't broken ties with him for being such a jerk.


He has no right to disrespect you in this way. He's "using" these ex's as well, not because he likes them as friends but because he knows it presses your buttons. He's quite a little manipulator. So, now that we know this, what are you going to do to make it clear to him that this is not acceptable and if he doesn't cease and desist this idiotic game playing, he'll wind up with another ex.
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #4  December 2,2008, 1:22pm
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Yeah, how old is this guy?? Some boyfriend.
 
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cynamon68 is offline cynamon68 Post #5  December 2,2008, 1:46pm
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Very immature behavior. What speaks loud to me is that you feel you have to check up on him. Sounds like its time for a serious heart to heart.
 
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Immerito is offline Immerito Post #6  December 2,2008, 10:26pm
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You both must be very young--him for instigating this behavior, and you for not caling him on it, kicking him to the curb, and moving on.


Why would you want to be with a guy who plays manipulative games and lies to you? So long as he thinks he "has" you, he will not change. The moment you pack up and leave--don't threaten to leave the relationship; leave it without any threats--is the moment he will do either one of two things:


1) He will pursue one of the other girls. Good riddance.


2) He will come back after you, promising to behave. Ignore him.


Figure out why you are putting up with a manipulatve liar, resolve it, and move on.
 
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Brad01 is offline Brad01 Post #7  December 2,2008, 10:39pm
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I would prefer a threat honestly tell him to stop keeping the stuff a secret and tell you or you leave him, but make sure he understands that if does tell you the truth and shows you proof that it is the truth and not another lie that you won't leave him, but if he doesn't do anything to try and keep you then he just doesn't want to be with you and its not worth sticking around anymore.
 
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curious_girl is offline curious_girl Post #8  December 2,2008, 11:15pm
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babygirl23, wrote :

My boyfriend not only continues to talk/text ex-girlfriends, but he has continuously lied to me about it. I don't worry that he'll cheat on me, but I can't understand the need to stay connected to them...especially when they've treated him badly during their relationships. I have male "friends" that I talk to occasionally...not ones I've ever been in a relationship with...and so he thinks it's okay for him to talk to these girls since I talk to my male friends. The problem is, he has continuously lied to me when I've asked him about talking to them. He has deleted the calls/texts from his phone so I wouldn't find out and he was adamant about not letting me get on our Verizon account, knowing I would see the calls/texts. When I did get on the account and find out, he was furious with me for "checking up on him." After promising he would start talking to them in front of me, or not call them at all, he has continued to go behind my back and do it. Is it wrong of me to expect him to break the ties or at least not be so secretive about it? I love him, but feel like it's either me or them...which he pretty much told me he couldn't stop talking to them and I had to accept it if this relationship was going to work!!
I have an ex who is emotionally dependant on me; and while his new girl friend is aware of it, and has no problem with it; she should. He still says innapropriate things, and still begs me to go backto him, and I tell him no, and to think of his gf. I try not to respond to him, but he finds a way. Like on the day our child was supposed to have been born (I miscarried at a little over 4 months); I just couldn't not answer him, you know? But I believe she should be much more concerned about what her bf is doing; and so should you. If he's lying or hiding things; he's doing something wrong, or wants to do something wrong.
 
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Tyym is offline Tyym Post #9  December 3,2008, 1:42am
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BikerBeagle,366725 wrote :

In my experience, the only people who get mad at being "checked up on" are the people who have something to hide.


Trust is a terrible thing to lose. If he's being this secretive about it, going behind your back, and lying ...there is probably something there.


I'd kick this guy to the curb.

Sage advice indeed!
 
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Immerito is offline Immerito Post #10  December 3,2008, 6:48pm
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Brad01,367419 wrote :

I would prefer a threat honestly tell him to stop keeping the stuff a secret and tell you or you leave him, but make sure he understands that if does tell you the truth and shows you proof that it is the truth and not another lie that you won't leave him, but if he doesn't do anything to try and keep you then he just doesn't want to be with you and its not worth sticking around anymore.
Threats tend to backfire; a threat is thrown down, "do "x" or I'll leave", in most cases the other person continues to do "y", and the person stays. The person to whom the threat is given quickly picks up on the fact that her "threats" are not genuine.
 
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