Aussie_Devilette is offline Aussie_Devilette Post #21  November 28,2008, 6:41pm
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is sad the weekend is over - back to workday grind for me

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To the 30-something men - I'm sorry, I wasn't implying you were already on the shelf, I was just trying to be realistic about Kck5426's age!
 
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ManekiNeko is offline ManekiNeko Post #22  November 28,2008, 6:53pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy,362977 wrote :


I would just suggest if being nice isn't working, then change tactics.


Who do you want the converted nice guys to beat up first? Old ladies or children?
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #23  November 28,2008, 7:08pm
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I'm not sure if this has come up already, but I have read several posts on the boards that eH is not very good for people in your age bracket. There just aren't that many members because at your age, there are many more opportunities to meet single people off-line. Another thing is that eH attracts people looking for marriage or serious LTR, and I'm not sure that is going to be true of women your age. I sure wasn't thinking about marriage when I was 22.


I'm with tweet--Ithink there is no better place than college to meet other singles if you are of the right age (probably not so if you are a mature student). Don't join a dating service, join a club on campus or intramural sports. Do something that has nothing to do with your degree to meet other people there. I met my ex playing on a department softball team. I wish I had the opportunities I had in grad school for meeting men now that I'm divorced.
 
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PJ_Paradox is offline PJ_Paradox Post #24  November 28,2008, 11:13pm
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Hmmmmm... the friendship trap.





I personally consider myself a "nice guy" and only really started looking for a few months before finding someone, whether I was just lucky or if my attitude played a role in this I don't know.


Ultimately however it comes down to this:


- Love yourself before trying to love someone else


- Recognize that you have a whole heck of a lot to give to someone if they will take it.


- Pitty the people that don't.


- Make your feelings and intentions undenyably clear.








Sometimes I feel as if "nice Guys" get moved to "Friend" status because they decide to either go with the "Friends First" approach to dating, or are too reluctant to make their intentions known. I personally blieve that within the first 1-3 times of meeting someone you know the tone of your future whether it is platonic or romantic. If it's romantic, do romantic things in addition to the platonic ones, and let there be no room for doubt as to whether you are interested in her.





The reason is because if you do -not- move quick you allow her mind to settle on the classification of you as a friend as opposed to a romantic interest. If you can set the romantic tone before she's decided, any of the "Nice guy" things that you do complement the romance and bring about the impression that you are just that more compatable.


My personaly style is blunt and completely honest. I don't like games, I don't like guessing, if I feel something I say it, and if I wonder something I ask. If you like the way she looks, tell her. People like that. If you think she is a bloody awesome person to spend time with, then say "I adore spending time with you, we always have such a blast and I'm always feeling really good aferwards."


Sex and romance is not the enemy. You're not a bad guy because you want them. GO FOR IT. What makes a "Good guy" a "Good guy" is NOT your desire for these things, but the feelings you put behind them. Chase, enjoy, indulge, and make sure she realizes that she is very much cherished and appreciated.


Also don't be affraid to move fast. "Bad guys" move fast yesbecause they are hit and run. Speed makes your intentions known. Don't assume that she's looking to take things slow unless she outright tells you. If she does, honor her wishes. It shows that you have a strong liking for her, but are also sensitive to her values. Simply waiting, and drawing things out when they don't have to be however is a good way to fall into the friend zone.
 
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Waking_Up is offline Waking_Up Post #25  November 29,2008, 12:56am
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I am new to this but I HAVE to comment on this subject. I am 50 years old, I know, a dinosaur, but I am back in the mix after a 23 year failed marriage. The last time I did this, Reagan was in his first term and the hot new computer was the Apple Macintosh! One thing that remains timeless is nice guys are NEVER going to finish last. Speaking for myself, I'll always just be who I am with no excuses. If a woman is not interested in me because I'm nice and a gentleman, it's her loss. Who needs the head games? I'm looking for a woman who'll be interested in who I AM, not what she THINKS or WANTS me to be. If being nice keeps me from meeting someone then oh well.
 
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Hayes is offline Hayes Post #26  November 29,2008, 1:42am
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kck5426, wrote :

I have been with Eharmony for over a month now, but have not be able to engage anyone in conversation. To be honest, I do not know why women do not give me the time of day when I believe that I have so many great qualities. I am ambitious, sensitive, confident, positive, funny, spiritual, deep, a good conversationalist, a lead singer and guitarist in a band, am in graduate school, and I believe I am descently attractive. One would think that with these qualities, I should not have any problem what's so ever. However, one consistent theme that comes up is that many girls say that "they only see me as a friend" or that "i am the type a guy that you marry". This has happened more often than not and do not know how to change my methods towards soliciting a date.
Ok Bro,


I see so much of myself in you when I was that age. I'm 35 now. I was always the nice guy, always the friend. I as well have many of the same qualities as you, much more so than the average guy. After losing some really great opportunities with woman I decided to do some research. Most people go into dating blind, and there are some real skills involved. Learn how to flirt: be a little sarcastic, learn to touch (any excuse you can touch). Be a little cocky. Smile a lot... Pick on her, find little things to point out. And smile while you are picking on her so she knows that its funny. What things can you control in your life? health, weight, exercise, hair, dress? Be a little mysterious. Don't tell her everything right away. Read this online book "Double Your Dating" It changed my life. Before I was the lonely nice guy. After I had some many dates I couldn't keep up!





 
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BarryT1590 is offline BarryT1590 Post #27  November 29,2008, 1:19pm
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I agree with Oregon_Coast_Guy. If being nice isn't working, don't just be "assertive", be a little bit of a jerk. Be a little selfish or money-motivated, arrogant or sex-motivated. Be normal. For someone like you, even a little bit will feel like a lot, but it won't be much to anyone noticing. And if you really put your foot in your mouth, can it really be that much worse than now? Oh, and liquid courage helps.
 
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honeychild is offline honeychild Post #28  November 30,2008, 7:21am
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bigfincat,362749 wrote :

tweet37,362727 wrote :


You're in graduate school at a university and are having trouble dating? Things must have really changed since I went to college. I don't think there's anything I can say to help you.


I like the way that you thinktweet37. You are so right. It was so easy to meet women in college.
It's not so easy now. I'm working on my MBA and there aren't alot of options at all.
 
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