Wary_Lisa is offline Wary_Lisa Post #1  November 26,2008, 8:45am
Wary_Lisa's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 5

See profile



Im interested to know if this happens to others, why would he pursue me, tell me he loves me, and have a secrect life?


What should I look for as a key indicator? Right now it's a suspicion based on the fact that he has attended wild sex parties, appears to be very sexual in a kinky way, and meets with a men's group once a week.


Am I being overly critical/judgmental? He is a wonderful man.
 
  Reply With Quote
LonelyStarState is offline LonelyStarState Post #2  November 26,2008, 12:31pm

H ga hoshii

Unregistered

Joined: Sep 2008

San Antonio, Texas

Posts: 3,438

See profile



Wary_Lisa, wrote :


Right now it's a suspicion based on the fact that he has attended wild sex parties, appears to be very sexual in a kinky way, and meets with a men's group once a week.





what part of this did you find attractive about him in the first place??
 
  Reply With Quote
neardc is offline neardc Post #3  November 26,2008, 2:49pm
neardc's Avatar

Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,050

See profile

Wary_Lisa, wrote :

Im interested to know if this happens to others, why would he pursue me, tell me he loves me, and have a secrect life?


What should I look for as a key indicator? Right now it's a suspicion based on the fact that he has attended wild sex parties, appears to be very sexual in a kinky way, and meets with a men's group once a week.


Am I being overly critical/judgmental? He is a wonderful man.
If you are not comfortable with his past sex life, or if he wants these kinds of experiences to continue to be part of his sex life (and this is not something that you are amenable to), that is indeed a problem. But, that doesn't have to do with whether he is bisexual. It's difficult to see from your post what exactly is makingyou worry that he is having sex with men (I assume this is your worry). Certainly the fact that he meets with a men's group doesn't suggest that (is there some reason to think that the focus of the group is sexual in nature?). It sounds like you two need to talk about these issues directly so you can get a better sense of where you each stand.
 
  Reply With Quote
rg26 is offline rg26 Post #4  November 26,2008, 6:48pm
rg26's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2008

East Coast

Posts: 764

See profile



Men's group? Want to define that a little for us?
 
  Reply With Quote
PJ_Paradox is offline PJ_Paradox Post #5  November 26,2008, 11:03pm
PJ_Paradox's Avatar

hasn't signed into this web site for a long time.

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 32

See profile



* blinks * He goes to hookup parties and a place that he might be trying to cheat on you and you are woried about sexual orientation?


To each is own I guess, but if I were in the situation I would be more concerned about how loyal he was, more so than who he's attracted to. If I am with someone who is attracted to half the population or the entire population I don't care as long as I'm the one she comes home to and I'm the one that has her love, caring, and devotion. If the person I am with wants to sleep around, then the relationship ends. I tdoesn't matter whether it's with men or women.


Kind of sad that who he might be attracted to is more frightening than that he might not actually be honest and faithful with you....


You should be the center of your partner's world regardless of sexual orientation. You shouldn't have to compete with ANYONE woman or man.
 
  Reply With Quote
Songryder is offline Songryder Post #6  November 26,2008, 11:53pm
Songryder's Avatar

A smile is worth singing for!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

California

Posts: 2,501

See profile

Wary_Lisa, wrote :

Im interested to know if this happens to others, why would he pursue me, tell me he loves me, and have a secrect life?


What should I look for as a key indicator? Right now it's a suspicion based on the fact that he has attended wild sex parties, appears to be very sexual in a kinky way, and meets with a men's group once a week.


Am I being overly critical/judgmental? He is a wonderful man.
"Wild Sex Parties" "A suspicion based on the fact"


Listen, you don't trust this guy already so you've really answered your own question. Whether you know for a fact that he's attending thesesperm donor partiesor suspect he is, it doesn't matter. If you've been with him long enough to know his behavior and prowling patterns, you know by your gut that he's in it up to the top of his head . . . and I do mean both.


If he's doing these things and not admitting to it, it doesn't matter if it's men, women or both. You are in danger of contracting something close to looking like a rash and being a permanent fixture in your immune system. If you're not insisting on protection during sex, you're running a huge risk here.


Being "careful" is not being critical or judgemental. You have a right to protect your health andthe emotions you're investing in a guy who says he loves you and yes, Virginia, some people do have secret lives . . . they're secret because they don't want to get caught and they get some sort of thrill out of it; usually at the expense of their partner.


Confront him, have him followed, ask his friends, your friends. Do what you need to to make sure this guy isn't putting you at risk, so I'd step away from this cause this is nuts! Really!
 
  Reply With Quote
Wary_Lisa is offline Wary_Lisa Post #7  November 27,2008, 8:23am
Wary_Lisa's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 5

See profile

neardc,361201 wrote :

Wary_Lisa, wrote :


Im interested to know if this happens to others, why would he pursue me, tell me he loves me, and have a secrect life?


What should I look for as a key indicator? Right now it's a suspicion based on the fact that he has attended wild sex parties, appears to be very sexual in a kinky way, and meets with a men's group once a week.


Am I being overly critical/judgmental? He is a wonderful man.


If you are not comfortable with his past sex life, or if he wants these kinds of experiences to continue to be part of his sex life (and this is not something that you are amenable to), that is indeed a problem. But, that doesn't have to do with whether he is bisexual. It's difficult to see from your post what exactly is makingyou worry that he is having sex with men (I assume this is your worry). Certainly the fact that he meets with a men's group doesn't suggest that (is there some reason to think that the focus of the group is sexual in nature?). It sounds like you two need to talk about these issues directly so you can get a better sense of where you each stand.
Thank you for your honesty. Im fighting my intuition on this one, he is very loving and very adoring to me. He treats me like a queen, and on so many levels we are incredibly compatible. He's a great Father, has a good career, is gifted intelligence and humor and warmth, but every fiber of my being tells me he cannot be faithful, and that he's not being honest with me. I really don't think there's another woman, but I think he has a "need" to be out with others sexually.


He made a comment when he had too much to drink one night; I can't remember the exact wording but it was definately related to watching a man in the bathroom, and I responded sharply that Ive never heard a straight man talk like that...he shut up quickly.


When I confronted him with being bi-sexual, he said "no way", and "don't you want to be happy?" I told him that I would neverbe enough for him, and that we should end this relationship. Talking the next day, he was very hurt, and told me his "dark secret" of meeting with the men's group to share "emotions about not feeling whole enough". However, on the three or four occasions I've talked to him after the "men's night out", he's clearly been drinking. and my experience with self help groups is not supporting alcohol.


Another observation is his need for regular phone sex, his whole persona changes...he's not mean or particularly nasty, but very descriptive and seems to have a strong desire for it.


From the sounds of your counsel, Im looking too far into the "good side" of him, and being stupid about the obvious.


Why would he lie? Is it because he can't change? And we wants to be accepted for all that he is? It's so incredibly sad to love someone for most of who they are, and not be able to accept the other parts of him.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wary_Lisa is offline Wary_Lisa Post #8  November 27,2008, 8:27am
Wary_Lisa's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 5

See profile

rg26,361430 wrote :

Men's group? Want to define that a little for us?
That's all he said, " men's group in which they meet to discuss their emotions do they aren't tempted to "prowl" around.
 
  Reply With Quote
LisaRey is offline LisaRey Post #9  November 27,2008, 9:33am
LisaRey's Avatar

Finally got a job .Woo hooo

Quick Study

Joined: Oct 2008

Portland, OR

Posts: 225

See profile

I love the Dr. Jeckyl dn Mr. Hyde. descriptions. I don't know if i want want one in real life. There are too many genuine guys out there for you to choose from. Why waste time on a Batman character? For the uninitiated, that would be "Two Face" Move on. You don't need the drama.
 
  Reply With Quote
Altair is offline Altair Post #10  November 27,2008, 9:52am
Altair's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Oct 2008

Artesia, Ca.

Posts: 796

See profile

I guess if you see him on the new EH gay site you will no longer have to guess.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Why do people lie about things like name and age when asking you out? | Ask a Dating Expert | Salsa Dancing.....girl i am seeing.....goes with with her guy friend »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did everything. And the repairs where sure expensive. Grr!I paid for them too. :-/” –  LadyVee

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“I think people change their "type" depending on what they think they need at that point in their lives. It's so subjective that it might be best if we all just let someone else choose a mate for us ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Changing your "type"” discussion

“In the end, aren't we all winners?” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Last Post Wins!” discussion

“4: sex um. both our values hold sex for marriage, so the next best thing to do when you are driven by lust, i guess is making out? If sex equals marriage, then if his goal is to have sex with you, ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Confused~ He likes me or He wants sex?” discussion

“You know, profile writers remind me of junior high school. The kids who came into an exam clueless, and just rambled on and on, hoping that in there somewhere(?) might possibly be something that the ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “How much profile do you like to read?” discussion

“Chemical burns when one splashes around in nature are no fun! Tree farming, huh. Tax breaks or love of all things tree... Tax break. (I can make these calls, because I'm on the internetz.) He ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“The standard method is to eliminate alcohol and bread (and any other gassy carbs) from your diet. You can also try saran wrapping your midsection for a few days. I've heard that works but I haven't ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Belly Fat” discussion

“My boyfriend will be meeting my ex-boyfriend for the first time this weekend so I will let you know how it goes. He almost met him awhile ago so I thought about this before. I told my boyfriend that ... ” –  alethea

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:41pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0