angie_pangie is offline angie_pangie Post #1  November 24,2008, 8:31pm
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I have been in a long distance relationship for a year, I am moving state in 10 days to live closer to my boyfriend.

I have already given up my house and my job...

Last weekend I found out he had been chatting to a girl on the net, only for a few days (random FB add) and he invited her over to his house the next friday night.

He gave her his phone number and address, she was 10 yrs his junior. After being caught out I found out they were planning to have sex.

When I asked him he was really honest about it, admitted giving her the phone number but didnt tell me about the planned meeting. Said he was drunk and we hadnt seen each other for 2 months and its hard on him.

When I messaged her and told her to back off, she said well he has invited me over on the weekend. I was floored!!

I already have issues with trust, but I am starting to think Guys who dont cheat dont exist.

I am old enough to know no one is perfect...and he is a lovely guy in so many ways.

What do I do.....
 
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Altair is offline Altair Post #2  November 25,2008, 3:07pm
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You're kidding, right? Some guy cheats on you and you have to ask what to do? How is a cheater lovely? I'm a bit fuzzy on that one. And how many times has he done this before being caught. Since you are not near by it could be several times a week. Obviously, an exclusive relationship means nothing to him., if you ever had one to begin with. Seems to me he is just sowing his oats wherever he can. You are most likely just one of many on the line. If you decide to keep him , go to the nearest hospital and have a cat scan of your head. I think It needs to be examined.
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #3  November 25,2008, 5:03pm
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Cheating is cheating and there is no good excuse for it...I think the other girl you confronted knowing the situation is silly to want him. That said, I think you've given up a lot for this man and knowing this for one reason or another he chose this timing. To me that speaks volumes that he isn't ready for a committed relationship. The timing is plain cold.


It also leads me to believe he may have been using the distance all this time to his advantage to have girls over...go online or wherever.


He's a dog that admits he is a dog...how much clearer do you need? He blamed you for not being there which is basically saying you need to follow him around to babysit his actions!!!


Guys that don't cheat exist...he's just not one of those!!! Trust is earned...trust your gut and reconsider this move. If you're still moving for him...it's for the wrong reason.
 
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angie_pangie is offline angie_pangie Post #4  November 25,2008, 9:14pm
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Wow - you guys are really angry! I thought I was going to get a balanced answer from an expert.... not an angry rant.


Wont ask again
 
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Altair is offline Altair Post #5  November 25,2008, 9:39pm
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Should we have told you what you wanted to hear? That he was a good catch and just give him some time to come around? By your statement that guys who don't cheat don't exist, you seem okay with it, regardless of your admitted trust issues. If you think you can't get anything better and can live with it, go for it.
 
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Lostintranslation is offline Lostintranslation Post #6  November 25,2008, 10:21pm
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Nobody can tell you what to do, merely offer advice. I can understand the strong reactions, however. This seems like a situation gone very badly and if you stay in the relationship, it seems to me that you would be setting yourself up for more hurt and suffering. Yes, I understand he cheated on you and his excuse was that you hadn't seen each other in two months- but what if you all are separated again?


I am not there so I can't judge BUT that said, my thought is are you willing to keep him, and ALL his flaws just because you've given up so much to be with him? or do you really want to be with him for other reasons?


I can only suggest you sit down and examine this thing again and from all angles. Personally, the guy would be on my curb waiting for the garbage man to take him far away from me. I know you have a lot invested but sometimes it's best to cut your losses.
 
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azartist is offline azartist Post #7  November 25,2008, 10:48pm
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Having given up your job and house you can go anywhere you want. Just make sure it is away from him. His excuses and blaming of you, his infidelity will not stop. Sometime in the future he may grow up, wouldn't it be a lot more fun to raise your own children with a real loving husband??
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #8  November 25,2008, 10:52pm
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angie_pangie, wrote :

I have been in a long distance relationship for a year, I am moving state in 10 days to live closer to my boyfriend. I have already given up my house and my job... Last weekend I found out he had been chatting to a girl on the net, only for a few days (random FB add) and he invited her over to his house the next friday night. He gave her his phone number and address, she was 10 yrs his junior. After being caught out I found out they were planning to have sex. When I asked him he was really honest about it, admitted giving her the phone number but didnt tell me about the planned meeting. Said he was drunk and we hadnt seen each other for 2 months and its hard on him. When I messaged her and told her to back off, she said well he has invited me over on the weekend. I was floored!! I already have issues with trust, but I am starting to think Guys who dont cheat dont exist. I am old enough to know no one is perfect...and he is a lovely guy in so many ways. What do I do.....
Honey, this isn't about not being perfect, it's about lying, cheating and leading you to believe he wanted you to give up everything because he was worth it . . . well, he's not. Unpack those bags, get another house and another job and stay away from long distance relationships. You were lucky you had the intelligence to figure all this out before you actually made the move.


You've been betrayed in the most meanspirited and inconsiderate ways possible. His actions are point blank clear and I don't care if he was six sheets to the wind or stone cold sober.There's no excuse for this on any level. Stop all communication with both of them and get your life back together . . . and not with him!
 
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Immerito is offline Immerito Post #9  November 26,2008, 12:00am
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There are certainly guys who don't cheat.


If you remain in this relationship, you will be enabling this guy's cheating, and that's never a healthy move.


Leave this relationship, find a new job and get a new house--away from this guy.


It's not what you wanted to hear, but it's what you need to hear. If you stay with this guy, he's going to continue to break your heart, and you'll continue to be his enabler.
 
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Aussie_Devilette is offline Aussie_Devilette Post #10  November 26,2008, 3:38am
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Angie - you are feeling fragile because you have already committed to this relationship - given up your job and your house. Do you REALLY want to jump from the frying pan into the fire?


I don't know how old you are, but I am 53. I've seen a bit of life in those 53 years.


TRUST ME ON THIS - you are moving to be with him - he should be waiting, anticipating - another woman should be the LAST thing on his mind. He is NOT committed to this relationship, that is glaringly obvious.


I notice you are moving to be closer to him - not moving in with him. Ater a year? Why not? Something is not right here, apart from the woman.


See if you can get your job back, do whatever you have to, but do not move.


I have a feeling you will anyway, Sadly.
 
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