lonelymom is offline lonelymom Post #11  November 26,2008, 5:54am
lonelymom's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 1

See profile



My husband and I will have been married for 20yrs in February. We have two boys. Two weeks ago my husband went elk hunting with his step dad ( or used to be step dad). A younger woman went too that I didn't know about. I couldn't go because I had to have surgery. It turns out that he had an affair with her over the weekend, then went back the next weekend too. Between the weekends he was telling me how much he loved me. After the second weekend, he came home and told me he doesn't loveme and that he hasn't for years and that he isn't attracted to me anymore and left. He still wants to come over everyday and take care of things here at the house, and he is still lying to me about the other woman. Everybody in town thought she was a lesbian, and even my husband said she was manly and if he was to have an affair it wouldn't be with her, but i have proof it is with her. What should I do. He is the love of my life. He says he is not coming home.
 
  Reply With Quote
angie_pangie is offline angie_pangie Post #12  November 26,2008, 12:52pm
angie_pangie's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 3

See profile



I appreciate everyones thoughts...well almost everyone :-)


I am moving because I would have anyway, my job is what I want to change in my life. I chose the place I am moving becasue he is there...but the place has a population of 3,850,000 so if it doesnt work I think I will be all right :-)


The place has better job prospects for my career.


I am not moving in with him becasue I chose not to, he would have me move in tomorrow. But I want to leave living together for marriage, its a belief thing.


I am not going to make any hard and fast decisions on this till I move and can actually discuss this face to face, then I will decide what I can and cant live with.


Thanks :-)
 
  Reply With Quote
gr8galmv is offline gr8galmv Post #13  November 26,2008, 1:30pm
gr8galmv's Avatar

6 mo. into dating my EH guy and still feels like I've won the EH lottery!

Unregistered

Joined: Mar 2008

Posts: 1,420

See profile



You asked what you should do. I would break up with him and refuse to have any further communication with him even after you've completed your move. There are plenty of honorable men who love and adore their wives or those who are not married and adore their girlfriend. If you have caught him this time there is a rather big chance he has done this before and you don't know about it.


I know you said it was hard on him to not see you for two months, but it can be done. Did you go out and cheat on him during those two months? I'm sure you missed him like crazy but were nothing but loyal and had the butterflies thinking about how great it will be to see him again. His behavior is inexcusable whether alcohol was involved or not. Alcohol is just an excuse just as much as him saying he hadn't seen you in two months.


Personally I think it was a bit silly to confront the other girl. While she was stupid to get involved with him, it is your man who you should be angry with. It is up to your man to protect the sanctity of your relationship, not this other woman's job. If he were man enough he'd tell her to back off and never contact him again, not you having to do this. Maybe he did but I'd just leave the other woman alone and deal with your guy.


Now, normally I'm a tell it like it is kind of a person. I even echoed the statements of the other posters who you didn't find very helpful and one sided. But hopefully, maybe a little of what I said might be something you would find as food for thought. Good luck in the new city and new job.
 
  Reply With Quote
gator_alum is offline gator_alum Post #14  November 27,2008, 12:18am

Unregistered

Joined: Jan 2008

SoCal

Posts: 175

See profile



Do you want a lovely guy that cheats or a lovely, faithful guy with someother flaw?


(They both exist)


I was in a 2 year long distance relationship and didn't cheat.


Don't settle for someone that doesn't think the world of you.
 
  Reply With Quote
Doctora2012 is offline Doctora2012 Post #15  November 27,2008, 11:21am
Doctora2012's Avatar

is happy.

Pacesetter

Joined: Nov 2007

Midwest

Posts: 299

See profile

lonelymom,360731 wrote :

My husband and I will have been married for 20yrs in February. We have two boys. Two weeks ago my husband went elk hunting with his step dad ( or used to be step dad). A younger woman went too that I didn't know about. I couldn't go because I had to have surgery. It turns out that he had an affair with her over the weekend, then went back the next weekend too. Between the weekends he was telling me how much he loved me. After the second weekend, he came home and told me he doesn't loveme and that he hasn't for years and that he isn't attracted to me anymore and left. He still wants to come over everyday and take care of things here at the house, and he is still lying to me about the other woman. Everybody in town thought she was a lesbian, and even my husband said she was manly and if he was to have an affair it wouldn't be with her, but i have proof it is with her. What should I do. He is the love of my life. He says he is not coming home.
"He says he is not coming home." Sounds like he already made his decision, so there's nothing you can do. Love yourself enough to move on and make a new life for you and your two boys. If this man had the audacity to tell you that he doesn't love you (and hasn't for years AND cheated on you), then he doesn't deserve a second of your thought.


You have two boys to think about, and they certainly deserve to have a mom who is healthy and loving. Don't look back, this man/husband isn't worth your time. It must be difficult to let go after 20 years of marriage, but replay in your mind what he told you (and the fact that he cheated) to gather strength to move and someday find someone who will *truly* love you. YOU deserve to be happy.





....Best wishes, and keep your head up
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« eHarmony Profile Makeover: May 2008 | Ask a Dating Expert | Im not sure if she's the one for me? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did everything. And the repairs where sure expensive. Grr!I paid for them too. :-/” –  LadyVee

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“I think people change their "type" depending on what they think they need at that point in their lives. It's so subjective that it might be best if we all just let someone else choose a mate for us ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Changing your "type"” discussion

“In the end, aren't we all winners?” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Last Post Wins!” discussion

“4: sex um. both our values hold sex for marriage, so the next best thing to do when you are driven by lust, i guess is making out? If sex equals marriage, then if his goal is to have sex with you, ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Confused~ He likes me or He wants sex?” discussion

“You know, profile writers remind me of junior high school. The kids who came into an exam clueless, and just rambled on and on, hoping that in there somewhere(?) might possibly be something that the ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “How much profile do you like to read?” discussion

“Chemical burns when one splashes around in nature are no fun! Tree farming, huh. Tax breaks or love of all things tree... Tax break. (I can make these calls, because I'm on the internetz.) He ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“The standard method is to eliminate alcohol and bread (and any other gassy carbs) from your diet. You can also try saran wrapping your midsection for a few days. I've heard that works but I haven't ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Belly Fat” discussion

“My boyfriend will be meeting my ex-boyfriend for the first time this weekend so I will let you know how it goes. He almost met him awhile ago so I thought about this before. I told my boyfriend that ... ” –  alethea

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:37pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0