trayc601 is offline trayc601 Post #1  November 24,2008, 5:05pm
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I HAVE A GREAT WORKING RELATIONSHIP WITH A EMPLOYEE, SHE IS SINGLE AND I AM ALSO. SHE IS 38 AND I AM 51 I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT ASKING HER OUT,BUT WORRIED IF SHE IS NOT INTERESTED THEN THE DAY TO DAY WORKING RELATIONSHIP WILL BE STRAINED. WE HAVE CHEMISTRY BUT WILL IT CARRY OVER INTO DATING?
 
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treatmesweetly is offline treatmesweetly Post #2  November 25,2008, 6:53pm
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You are old enough to know better than to date an employee, of any age. Tsk Tsk
 
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rg26 is offline rg26 Post #3  November 25,2008, 7:02pm
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Thirteen years is a pretty big age difference. Its more than I personally would go for, but some people do.


The real problem is the work thing. Are you her boss? If you are tread very, very lightly here. Maybe an offer to do something as friends and see how she reacts? Maybe go through a third party to see if she would be open to this?


I actually do believe work is a good place to meet people if for no other reason than it is in fact where we meet the most people.
 
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Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #4  November 25,2008, 7:33pm
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I don't see your age difference as a problem at all, but that's just me.


If you two are working in separate departments far enough removed that you don't run into each other every day, it might be safe. If you can't avoid each other at all, I wouldn't recommend it unless one of you is willing to look for another job. Considering the current economy, I doubt too many people can afford to be out of work for long, and I hear jobs are hard to come by right now.


Also, consider what would happen with a worst case scenario; you begin dating, something goes wrong, you split up, and now you have to face each other every day at work. Even worse, she might consider filing a claim against you for sexual harassment (assuming she has the basis for a case).


Is all of this worth the risk?


If so, then I recommend spelling it out plainly to her so there is no misunderstanding your intent. Don't drop hints or beat around the bush; that's far more likely to be misconstrued as sexual harassment. Make sure to plainly tell her that if she is NOT interested in pursuing anything, there will be no hard feelings from you, and the whole matter will be dropped as if it never happened. Give her time to think about it before giving you her decision. Make sure that you are really capable of dropping it, though, if she decides not to go for it.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #5  November 25,2008, 9:22pm
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trayc601, wrote :

I HAVE A GREAT WORKING RELATIONSHIP WITH A EMPLOYEE, SHE IS SINGLE AND I AM ALSO. SHE IS 38 AND I AM 51 I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT ASKING HER OUT,BUT WORRIED IF SHE IS NOT INTERESTED THEN THE DAY TO DAY WORKING RELATIONSHIP WILL BE STRAINED. WE HAVE CHEMISTRY BUT WILL IT CARRY OVER INTO DATING?
OOO... big no-no. Superiors are definitely not to date subordinates, much less ask them out. This is definite grounds for sexual harassment.
 
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Nicomacheus is offline Nicomacheus Post #6  November 25,2008, 9:35pm
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The replies and answers are terribly obvious and correct. Please respect them.
 
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Aussie_Devilette is offline Aussie_Devilette Post #7  November 26,2008, 3:47am
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I'm going to be the odd one out here (and with Lindac), having married a subordinate once.


If you ask her out and she declines, that is fine, but leave it be at that point. After that you are at risk of sexual harassment. No second invites. The second time sexual harassment can be an issue is if you two have a relationship and it fails and you "pester" to get her back.


You are both adults. I'd ask her out for dinner, explain how you feel, ACKNOWLEDGING the risks to your working relationshhip if a romantic relationship fails. Acknowledge you value the good working relationship and do not want to risk that.


We only live once - this is not a rehearsal. If you really believe she could be the one for you, don't pass up the opportunity, just be VERY aware of the risks involved due to your professional relationship.
 
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Altair is offline Altair Post #8  November 26,2008, 5:05am
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Too many people have had to quit jobs because of office romances gone bad. And it shouldn't always be the subordinate, but it seems to be the way it always works out. I would say choose another place for your stomping grounds.
 
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AC53 is offline AC53 Post #9  November 26,2008, 5:52am
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trayc601, wrote :

I HAVE A GREAT WORKING RELATIONSHIP WITH A EMPLOYEE, SHE IS SINGLE AND I AM ALSO. SHE IS 38 AND I AM 51 I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT ASKING HER OUT,BUT WORRIED IF SHE IS NOT INTERESTED THEN THE DAY TO DAY WORKING RELATIONSHIP WILL BE STRAINED. WE HAVE CHEMISTRY BUT WILL IT CARRY OVER INTO DATING?
It's not the age.


There are some attractive women at my workplace. We go to lunch occassionally and sometimes get a little personal with the conversation, but I don't consider them for dating. My reason is that I might be the one to askher to do something that is out of her comfort zone, but she needs to do it for the sake of everyone else's job. It's the reason why the military frowns upon relationships between officers and enlisted personnel. The officer might be theone to order a femalesoldier to do something that places her life in peril, but needs to be done for the sake of the unit.The officer's decision making issqewed if there is something personalgoing on between them. I use the same rationale at work. I'm not saying it's right or wrong,it's what it is.
 
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AC53 is offline AC53 Post #10  November 26,2008, 5:53am
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trayc601, wrote :

I HAVE A GREAT WORKING RELATIONSHIP WITH A EMPLOYEE, SHE IS SINGLE AND I AM ALSO. SHE IS 38 AND I AM 51 I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT ASKING HER OUT,BUT WORRIED IF SHE IS NOT INTERESTED THEN THE DAY TO DAY WORKING RELATIONSHIP WILL BE STRAINED. WE HAVE CHEMISTRY BUT WILL IT CARRY OVER INTO DATING?
It's not the age.


There are some attractive women at my workplace. We go to lunch occassionally and sometimes get a little personal with the conversation, but I don't consider them for dating. My reason is that I might be the one to askher to do something that is out of her comfort zone, but she needs to do it for the sake of everyone else's job. It's the reason why the military frowns upon relationships between officers and enlisted personnel. The officer might be theone to order a femalesoldier to do something that places her life in peril, but needs to be done for the sake of the unit.The officer's decision making issqewed if there is something personalgoing on between them. I use the same rationale at work. I'm not saying it's right or wrong,it's what it is.
 
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