MJD is offline MJD Post #11  November 26,2008, 6:46am
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My ex-husband met the woman he left me for when she worked for him (they eventually broke up after the divorce). There was a seventeen-year age difference. While I realize the situation is different here, there are several things I'd like to point out that I observed that no one has mentioned here.


1. An older, established guy may look appealling to someone younger because he has more money to do things and has more to show for it at his age. Most guys her age are probably married with small kids. The single ones are probably divorced with small kids. Do either of you have children? Are you ready for the possibility of young kids?


2. Sexual harrassment aside, if she does report to you, that means you are responsible for performance reviews. Can you really remain objective abut someone with whom you have a relationship? No, no matter what you say, you can't.


3. If she does report to you, the tension and morale within the department will sink. I know this for sure. No matter how discreet and objective you try to remain, other employees will find out about the romance and will become resentful. They will feel things are out of control and that you have lost your overall objectivity. Who now takes the out-of-town trips whith you? Who has to work weekends, while others seem to get better hours? Who gets better bonuses? I found out how unhappy some of my ex's former friends were in a formerly tight-knit group. People will wonder if they can talk to you about anything without it being known to this woman. This doesnt even have to be affected by a romantic relationship. I once had a wonderful boss who was just too trusting of everyone. I had a co-worker who became her "buddy," and who began having lunch with her every day. It always seemed to be a little too chummy, but I knew for sure one day when this co-worker casually mentioned someting tht I had told my boss in confidence. She also seemed to know things that were happening in the department before anyone else.


4. Have you considered that maybe the very reason she seems interested in you is precisely because of what you can do for her (see 1,2, and 3 above)! I don't know what business you're in, but really, take a look at this and ask yourself, " With all the single guys around here, why would she be interested in me?" Don't fall into the trap that so many middle-aged men do (yes, you are middle-aged), that just because younger women find them attractve, they obviously should go after them. How would you feel about dating someone say, 64? Isn't that about 13 years older than you are? Do you even consider women your own age? There are plenty of 50-ish women who are attractive, intelligent, witty, and active.


I am not trying to put you down at all. I watched my formerly sane, predictable ex-husband go through his mid-life crisis. He still confided in me a lot, and although he kept claiming the age difference wasn't important, he kept talking about it and eventually went into counseling as he tried to make things work. He has been seeing a woman for a few years now who is closer to his age and doesn't work with him.


If you are on this site, you must have preferences about who you'd like to date. It seems that many men in their fifties won't consider women in their fiftes (sometimes in their forties) just because of their age. Why? Just be honest with yourself about what makes this woman so appealling. Does the fact that she's so much younger boost your ego enough to make the idea more interesting, or is there really something so special and so different about her?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #12  November 26,2008, 7:06pm
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- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

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Altair,360688 wrote :

Too many people have had to quit jobs because of office romances gone bad. And it shouldn't always be the subordinate, but it seems to be the way it always works out. I would say choose another place for your stomping grounds.
… and plenty more have lost theirs for a penny per share.
And no small number have found their spouse.
 
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Tyym is offline Tyym Post #13  November 26,2008, 8:00pm
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is moving forward...

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Please forgive the blunt nature of this post. It's not intended to be vulgar or insulting. Many companies enforce a 'no penetration' policy... ie no staff fraternization of any kind. Before you ask if this is morally or otherwise correct, you might want to check if this is corporately correct as well... you might be putting yourself in a spot where you may well be terminated for such behaviour.


Personally... fishing in your own pond is bad practice... if things go poorly... you still have to see the person on a regular basis (the reason for the above noted policy).


Others here have done a great job in stating the obvious... pretty sage advice really.


Best of luck!
 
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Linda is offline Linda Post #14  November 26,2008, 8:34pm

needs to visit eHA more often!!

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While I can understand your situation, there's an ole saying I still believe in.....


Don't dip your ink pen in the company ink well.......


And this saying was around long before sexual harrassment was "recognized."
 
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gr8galmv is offline gr8galmv Post #15  November 26,2008, 9:51pm
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6 mo. into dating my EH guy and still feels like I've won the EH lottery!

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The age isn't an issue. My range is +12 years when I date. However, if this is a manager/employee thing, I'd say far away from that situation. Also check with your company policy. Some companies have them regarding dating in the workplace others do not.
 
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yeoww is offline yeoww Post #16  November 26,2008, 10:11pm
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wishes you all the very best!

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First and foremost: is this someone who reports to you? If so, then the situation is fraught with possible difficulties. Tread carefully! If this is a co-worker and not a direct report, it can still be terribly awkward if you ask her out and she refuses, or if you do date for a time and it goes badly.


As far as the age difference - that's a personal preference. My parents were 11 years apart in age, and they were married for 55 years!
 
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