Why do people lie about things like name and age when asking you out?


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FlamingRose is offline FlamingRose Post #1  November 19,2008, 3:57pm
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I recently met this guy in real life and not from the internet.We got to talking and he told me his name was Steve and that he was 46 years old.I was on the computer looking at various internet dating sites and just happen to find him on two of them and no telling how many more.It's the same guy,picture and all,but all of a sudden his name isn't Steve anymore and he isn't 46.His profile says that he is 41 and his name is David.He has been checking his messages everyday,even though he says that he wants to take me out.Well now I am not even going to accept a date from him because he has now lost my trust from the get go and if he has to lie about such simple things then no telling what else he is lying about.I have to admit people try to be slick,but being the internet detective that I am I have recently saved a friend of mine the trouble of one off the internet after he lied to her.
 
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donjuan is offline donjuan Post #2  November 19,2008, 11:46pm
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I can't speak for the name, but many sites require you to enter the age rather then it calculating the age using the DOB. Generally people lie about their age to be younger and not older. Since he told you he's 46, but the site shows 41, it could be what I've described. OR he could be a compulsive lyer.


If you had a connection, I'd ask him about it before going with an assumption.
 
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argytunes is offline argytunes Post #3  November 20,2008, 8:05am
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My best guesses:


Some men and women are part of a consistant dating circle...and the gossip has been passed around from partner to partnerlIt's difficultfor a new friend to decipher the differencewhen it comes to telling the truth. So oftentimes...it's better to use a psuedonymn as the friendhip starts to grow! Overtime...the truth about the identity WILL COME OUT!


Some individuals enjoy making a big deal about age!So if a potential partner has standards and won't date someoneNEW under or over a certain agegroup, this can be very sad for someone who's only looking for a good friend. This is the reason why many men and women don't disclose their age on their profile.


Can anybody tell me this???


Is there a particular reason why a man or woman has to resemble the numbers on his (or her) birth certificate? I know I don't!


argytunes
 
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FlamingRose is offline FlamingRose Post #4  November 20,2008, 10:51am
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argytunes,351574 wrote :

My best guesses:


Some men and women are part of a consistant dating circle...and the gossip has been passed around from partner to partnerlIt's difficultfor a new friend to decipher the differencewhen it comes to telling the truth. So oftentimes...it's better to use a psuedonymn as the friendhip starts to grow! Overtime...the truth about the identity WILL COME OUT!


Some individuals enjoy making a big deal about age!So if a potential partner has standards and won't date someoneNEW under or over a certain agegroup, this can be very sad for someone who's only looking for a good friend. This is the reason why many men and women don't disclose their age on their profile.


Can anybody tell me this???


Is there a particular reason why a man or woman has to resemble the numbers on his (or her) birth certificate? I know I don't!


argytunes
It's not so much that the age is going to freak a person out.It's the fact that a lie was told and that is the real problem here.Truth and Identity is something you want to hear from the other person's mouth not something you want to find out later.Is there something that this person is hiding? ( you think to yourself)If a person cannot have any kind of open communication from the start of the first time you meet,then things most likely will never work out because you will constantly wander if anything this person tells you is true.If a person was also not lying about the fact they wanted to take you out on a date,they wouldn't have profiles on all these internet web sites looking for more women.So,apparently this gives me a sense that this guy has some serious problems and doesn't know where he wants to be in life and is sadly confused.
 
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DreamingOfAtlantis is offline DreamingOfAtlantis Post #5  November 22,2008, 5:11pm
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I'm a little confused. He told you he's Steve, but online he's David? That's not a big deal. I know a lot of people who don't use their real name on a dating site until they know they're not matched with a whacko. Also, as someone said, often a site asks for an age and doesn't calculate it, so the age can stay the same for a long time.


And if I asked you out on a first or 2nd date, yes, I'd keep checking dating sites. Do you expect me to put all other possibilities on hold just because I asked you out? He wants to go out with you but he hasn't said he wants to be exclusive yet (and if he did, when you didn't know each other that well, then you should worry).


And one other point: You talk about him losing YOUR trust, yet you've talked to him going out and YOU are looking on dating sites yourself. Are you just mad because he's just doing the same thing as you -- checking out others when you two aren't exclusive?


Honestly, while it doesn't sound great for Steve, there are valid and acceptible explanations for his behavior. It's your double standard of cruising singles sites then being upset that he's looking there as well that I find troubling.
 
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emmimi is offline emmimi Post #6  November 22,2008, 5:25pm
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I just recently discovered that I was lied to, after dating a guy for 6 mths. I found out he was 38 instead of 30 and that he had a kid. I agree that lying about "stupid" stuff doesn't make any sense to me, and only characterizes someone whos trying to be sneaky. When I found out that he was older and had kids, from another source, I was very discouraged. I'm 22 and I have no children. However, from our first date I told him about my dating history, which includes men with kids and older men as well. We would still be seeing each other if he had told the truth. He's so cute, lol, I would have dated him regardless of these two things that he chose to hide from me.


I think that its unfortunate people feel the need to lie about such trivial things. Especially when you don't present yourself as someone judgemental, but rather open. What I would like to know is, what does the liar forsee gaining from their lie??


In addition, I don't ever think that there is a valid explanations for lying to someone. And, if the person I was dating, or considering to date, was too dumb to update his age on the internet, I wouldn't want to date him anyway. So I think the question posed still remains...and I don't have an answer, but I'd love to hear one that makes sense.





Why lie about silly things like age? It's just a number. Not who you are.
 
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cindy_lou_who is offline cindy_lou_who Post #7  November 22,2008, 10:57pm
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DreamingOfAtlantis,354684 wrote :

I'm a little confused. He told you he's Steve, but online he's David? That's not a big deal. I know a lot of people who don't use their real name on a dating site until they know they're not matched with a whacko. Also, as someone said, often a site asks for an age and doesn't calculate it, so the age can stay the same for a long time.


And if I asked you out on a first or 2nd date, yes, I'd keep checking dating sites. Do you expect me to put all other possibilities on hold just because I asked you out? He wants to go out with you but he hasn't said he wants to be exclusive yet (and if he did, when you didn't know each other that well, then you should worry).


And one other point: You talk about him losing YOUR trust, yet you've talked to him going out and YOU are looking on dating sites yourself. Are you just mad because he's just doing the same thing as you -- checking out others when you two aren't exclusive?


Honestly, while it doesn't sound great for Steve, there are valid and acceptible explanations for his behavior. It's your double standard of cruising singles sites then being upset that he's looking there as well that I find troubling.
+1





I don't use my real name on dating sites, because with just my first name and location or occupation, I'm easily google-able.





I'm sure there are a few dating sites I put a profile on and forgot about, that probably still list me as 27 (I'm 36).





If you feel he shouldn't be browsing other ads once he's asked you out, you might take a step back and evaluate yourself for clingy / needy behavior.





Best of luck.
 
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noseyparker is offline noseyparker Post #8  November 22,2008, 11:50pm
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emmimi,354706 wrote :


I just recently discovered that I was lied to, after dating a guy for 6 mths. I found out he was 38 instead of 30 and that he had a kid. I agree that lying about "stupid" stuff doesn't make any sense to me, and only characterizes someone whos trying to be sneaky. When I found out that he was older and had kids, from another source, I was very discouraged. I'm 22 and I have no children. However, from our first date I told him about my dating history, which includes men with kids and older men as well. We would still be seeing each other if he had told the truth. He's so cute, lol, I would have dated him regardless of these two things that he chose to hide from me.


I think that its unfortunate people feel the need to lie about such trivial things. Especially when you don't present yourself as someone judgemental, but rather open. What I would like to know is, what does the liar forsee gaining from their lie??


In addition, I don't ever think that there is a valid explanations for lying to someone. And, if the person I was dating, or considering to date, was too dumb to update his age on the internet, I wouldn't want to date him anyway. So I think the question posed still remains...and I don't have an answer, but I'd love to hear one that makes sense.





Why lie about silly things like age? It's just a number. Not who you are.


8 years is a big difference! This was clearly deliberate IMHO! Obviously these men do not care that, by lying about their age, they would have denied you the right to decide if you will invest in getting to know them, based on their age.


As with all other important criteria, people deserve to know the truth about who they are dating. That a man or woman may think he/she looks and acts younger than their true age is irrelevant.


Are there any women (or men) who decided to overlook a lie, and continue to see the person?
 
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robert2008 is offline robert2008 Post #9  November 23,2008, 12:47am
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I dunno ... is lying such a bad thing? In theatre, actors put their age range on their resumes --- what ages they can convincingly play. Maybe that's not such a bad idea in dating as well.


And a name? What's a name, really? Ok, I have a couple of names I use; my stage name, my at-school name...


"Me? I'm 35. tonight." [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif[/img]
 
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FlamingRose is offline FlamingRose Post #10  November 23,2008, 10:22am
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So,look past the age and name lying thing!Yes he lied! I watchedthe signature that he signed on his credit card receipt and it just happened to be "David T. Lynn" and he didn't even think I would catch on and don't tell me it was his brother's credit card either.How about all the other lies that come with it,like "I just want one woman,I am a one woman man" or "I have been watching you for sometime and wanted to talk to you and take you to dinner"and how about when he brings up in thesecond conversation about his past problems with his wife?ex wife(whatever she is) because then again he tells you one thing in person,that he is going through a divorce and it's not finalized and on a profile he is already divorced.Why not investigate this person through a site? The truth is not coming through their mouth.I'm not on there to look for a potential date myself,just to seek the truth.Who wants to hear about a persons issues from the get go? So what about all the other lies that get told,would you still want to date the person or have doubts about them.He has said all these things to me since the other things have been said(I ran into him last night at the cafe i hang out at)I,ve already looked past this guy and moving forward,not wasting my time on that.Would you still consider this person?
 
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