Do men withdraw from a relationship when they are under a lot of stress


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rosy_bear is offline rosy_bear Post #1  November 19,2008, 2:28pm
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I have seen a man for about 5 months, recently he told me that he has fall in love with me. Butthree weeks later, something happened in his life (his ex and his kids), his life became complicated andhe was under a lot of stress. So he told me he needed to be alone for a while, but he said he is still in love with me. After he gets his life on track, he will contact with me. Do men really withdraw when they have lots of stress? Should I believe in him?


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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  November 19,2008, 4:28pm
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I’ve felt distracted when with a partner, but I’ve never asked or wanted to be alone. If anything, in a difficult time, I’d rather have had my partner around.
 
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donjuan is offline donjuan Post #3  November 19,2008, 4:41pm
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It's normal to have stress when there's an ex and kids involved and it can lead to withdrawal; however, it doesn't get to a stage where it leads him to say, "I'll contact you after I get my life on track". Is he in trouble with the law?
 
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NJMadness is offline NJMadness Post #4  November 19,2008, 4:47pm
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I am going through the same experience. I have been datingmy e-harmony guyfor 5 months. He is going through a difficult situation (relating to his teenager). He is withdrawing from the relationship. He tells me the issues he is dealing with the teenager and I can understand how he wants to devote ALL his time and energyworkingthrough the teenage issueswith with no distractions of a relationship. It's sad but understandable. Give him what he needs: space. Keep occupied with positiveactivities and people.
 
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NJMadness is offline NJMadness Post #5  November 19,2008, 5:09pm
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rosy_bear, wrote :

I have seen a man for about 5 months, recently he told me that he has fall in love with me. Butthree weeks later, something happened in his life (his ex and his kids), his life became complicated andhe was under a lot of stress. So he told me he needed to be alone for a while, but he said he is still in love with me. After he gets his life on track, he will contact with me. Do men really withdraw when they have lots of stress? Should I believe in him?


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I have been dating my e-harmony guy for five months too. He is having lots of problems with his teenager which is affecting the whole family and him. He has been withdrawing from the relationship. I don't like it but I understand. As the good father he is he is using all this time and energy on the healing and working through the teenager's issues. He can't give you what he needs right now, he is busy. Give him space. Keep yourself occupied with friends, family and activites. Move on to someone who wants to be with you and has time for you.


p.s. I know it's hard bc of the Holiday but you'll be fine. Okay? Hugs from Jersey
 
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gr8galmv is offline gr8galmv Post #6  November 19,2008, 7:45pm
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It has never turned out well for me when I've gotten those words. But then again, that might just be me and the kind of men that I tend to date. It would concern me if he said he needed to be alone. Does that mean no phone calls? How long did he indicate that he needed to be alone? Weeks? It wouldn't be an issue if he said for a few days but if there's no attempt at any contact on his end after a week it would not go over well. I wish you well and hopefully you had more information about your situation and an indication as to what he meant by being alone.
 
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rosy_bear is offline rosy_bear Post #7  November 20,2008, 7:24am
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Thank you, NJMadness, for sharing your experience. My guy has the exact problem as yours, his teenage son. I will take your advice and move on.
 
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VegasHealthCoach is offline VegasHealthCoach Post #8  November 23,2008, 11:33pm
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relationships are like rubber bands just like men have to go into their cave to solve their problems. Dont try to talk to him but let him know that you are there for him when he is ready to reconnect, but not going to wait for the rest of your life either. The best thing you can do is dont stop your life for him and dont go following him into his cave. That is when things will tend to push him into running for the door. This is a good trust builder and hopefully when you need to go into your well to solve your problems nor, he will offer the same support.
 
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3dimension is offline 3dimension Post #9  November 24,2008, 1:07am
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Men will look for security and comfort from a woman especially if the stress is from outside the relationship. They will go quiet and may withdraw, but in a pouty way and want to be coddled by their woman.


If he has completely cut off communication, then... move on.
 
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delikate is offline delikate Post #10  November 24,2008, 3:37am
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rosy_bear, wrote :

I have seen a man for about 5 months, recently he told me that he has fall in love with me. Butthree weeks later, something happened in his life (his ex and his kids), his life became complicated andhe was under a lot of stress. So he told me he needed to be alone for a while, but he said he is still in love with me. After he gets his life on track, he will contact with me. Do men really withdraw when they have lots of stress? Should I believe in him?


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Rosybear, we all suffer times of stress. Some worse than others, especially if it has to do with a custody battle of some sort, which I'm assuming this might be. However, this is a sign of how he handles tough life situations. When the going gets rough, he leaves you, yet he wants you to be there for him if/when he decides he wants you back. It isn't like you just met him 2 weeks ago. You've been together 5 months. This is typically a turning point in relationship, right around the 4 and 5 month period. Things start shifting. While I understand he's stressed out, his reaction is telling you how he deals with stress. He doesn't want you around. How will that go over if you get married? Was that a problem in his marriage? Did he leave when the going got tough?


I'd seriously question his motives. You say he will contact you when his life gets on track? I'd not be sitting around waiting. Nice women finish last. They're the ones waiting by the phone for the prodigal date to come back to them. If he will not include you in his problems by this point, he's just not that in to you. A guy who is in to a woman would never leave her sitting while he goes and works things out, unless he is the President, the King, or the Commander of the Troops.


He's showing you who he is, and he's showing you how you rate in his life. A busy woman is an attractive woman. I'd roll up the streets in Understandingville and start looking out for your needs. He sure isn't.
 
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