sooocnfused8 is offline sooocnfused8 Post #1  November 12,2008, 7:43am
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I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months. We met online. We've said "I love you" and say it all the time and I think things are going really well. I'm very happy and he says he is too. We spend almost every night together. We spend time with each other's friends and families. We talk about the future all the time. He always tells me how happy he is that we met. I accidently stumbled accross his profile on the same site we met on the other day. I feel like things are great between us and don't want to accuse him of anything, but it concerns me that he's been active on the site within a week. Any advice?
 
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misslizzy is offline misslizzy Post #2  November 8,2009, 7:23am
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Maybe we can figure this out together because I am on here looking for advice for the same thing!
In my situation, I found my boyfriend was looking at dating profiles on craigslist a couple of months ago - we share a laptop at his house, which he keeps in a common area and I am always free to use - the sites popped up in the address bar as I was typing a web address in. At first I was really concerned, so I looked around - he had no adds on craigslist and his profile, on the dating website we had met on, was still no longer active or hidden (I deactivated mine pretty shortly after we began seeing each other on a regular basis). So I decided it was just mindless web browing (though weird, for sure) and would just keep my eyes out for anything suspicious.
Our relationship was good and has continued to be good since. He recently told me he loved me and how important I was to him (we have been together for over a year and ARE boyfriend and girlfriend). So up until the last couple weeks or so, everything has been great. Except he was acting a little weird the past week and he went out of town randomly with a friend to go party at a college tailgate - and I was not invited. That, plus my own increased paranoia from what I saw before and from some other experiences with other people I know who are struggling in their relationships due to affairs, I checked the site again. This time his profile was visible and edited slightly and he had been on in the last 24 hours. As far as I know, he has had orginally hid his profile a couple of months after we began daitng. I am heartbroken. So now that I've babbled on about it, here's what I plan to do:

Confront him. I feel bad because I have to admit I was looking to see if he was getting into trouble - but its on there for the whole internet to see, so I don't feel too bad. I have my reasons for being suspicious, some valid and some not. What he is doing is still wrong.
Anyway, I'm planning to at least take it as an opportunity to talk about if he is not happy in our relationship about something and start talking about it. We don't argue or fight, so if he's been unhappy, he hasn't told me yet.
Second, I can make my needs known about needing to be in a relationship where I can feel secure.
We've never had a fight before, and I am not looking forward to this, but there is no way I can ignore this one. If he's really in a serious relationship with me (and it sounds like you believe your boyfriend is as well), there is no reason for him to have an ACTIVE, VISIBLE profile. Even if he just wanted to browse now and again for whatever reason, he could do it w/ a hidden profile. Making it visible is making himself available to other single people.
 
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Daise is offline Daise Post #3  November 8,2009, 7:57am
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Without a doubt, confront him about this. Why else would anyone be surfing an online dating site except for the fact he is looking to meet someone? Keep the relationship honest and insist the same from him. I have said this before to people, but online dating just makes it so easy to meet people hoping to find that perfect match which just doesn't exist. Online dating is so convenient and some of us are easily tempted to stray. I prefer to meet people in person and get to know them the old fashioned way. You invest more emotionally this way and get a better sense of their integrity because you actually speak face to face in the beginning. It is much more difficult to lie to someone's face than it is online. Not to say there aren't some great people out there within the online world, they are just few and far between.
 
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