Men who are over 45 and never been married

A friend of mine is 48. He never knew his father and was an only child. His mother had cancer for 23 years. He cared for all that time without regard to his personal or professional life. Luckily he has a good job - he is a mechanic for a public transportation authority. He is active in his church and recently became involved with the big brother program.


I think that there were some circumstances in his life that prevented him from being in a relationship or married.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with a man who has waited to find the love of his life. In fact, I think it is pretty smart. I wish I had done the same thing. It would have saved me a lot of heartache. I have a very good friend who is 45, is not married. I asked him why one day andhegave me tworeasons: One, he really wasn't ready to get married until the last four or five years, Secondly, He wanted something real and that a lot of women he had met played a lot of games with him. He also has 3 older sisters, one married young, one married right before she turned 50 and the third one hasn't been married either. They are all very respectable people with good jobs and great personalities. I don't think there any problem with waiting to marry.


I also have a cousin who is in her mid-40's who has never married. She has lived a very rich life. She has done things I have only dreamed of doing. She hasn't given up on finding the right man but I know she gets lonely.


To say that people who have never been married by their 40's are incapable of healthy relationships is a veryjudgemental statement.

This is another thing that is specific to an individual person, you really can't assign a sweeping statement to cover everyone over 45 (or any age). I'm almost 40 & have never been married but I can promise you that it's nothing to do with my heinous or lacking personality. As we get older it becomes really difficult to find someone decent that you want to date, and combine this with the fact that most people as they get older will get a bit more selective about who they date, as compared with back at college when many of us would just go out and have fun dates with most half-decent people of the opposite sex.


The way things are looking for me, it's certainly quitelikely that I'll still be unmarried at 45 myself. Again, nothing to do with my personality or flaws or inability to relate to another human being in the same house, but more a consequence of having no intention of just settling for the next guy that lands in my eH inbox.

Being a man--not a guy and not a boy--who happens to be very slightly over the ripe old age of 45 and having never been married (or even close to it), I guess I have some serious problem, be it emotional, psychological or mental. That is, of course, if I'minterpreting correctly select comments left on thismessage board thing by certain members. I suppose it neverentered my consciousness that marriage wasan essential component to one's, well, happiness and well-being, and if a non-female kind of person reaches his mid-forties and has never married, then that's a sign--a serious sign--that such aperson is flawed in some major way, so much so that any prudent anddiscerning woman should be rather suspicious and probably avoid him and certainly not bother getting "involved" with such a odd bloke.


But I digress just a little. Certainly there are many fellowsin their mid-forties who have some kind of problem (or problems) and thisperhaps accounts for the reason they have never married. They very well could suffer froman emotional, psychological or mental disorder or ailment. They could be painfully shy, timid, afraid (around and/or among women, of course); they could lack self-esteem or confidence and suffer from a poor self-image. Their problems, issues and inner demons just prevent them fromentering the state of marriage (and all the subsequent marital bliss that comes along with it). But it does not necessarily indicate or mean they do have such problems and issues. And yet many males who are married or were married suffer from those same problems and issues that plague their never-married brethren. But they were able to take that leap of faith into marriage, which is all fine and good, even thoughfor some it had a disastrous result, which is not so fine and good (especially for their wives).


Anyway, I certainly owe it to myself and other members to thinkabout and ponder this topic a little futher. While I very much enjoyed readingeveryone's comments, I think some portrayed (or betrayed) a certain lack of respectand appreciationfor the almost unlimited variations which are inherent in the male species of the human race regarding age (45 and over)and marriage (orabsence thereof). Speaking for myself--which issomething I must do since no one will do it for me but, then again, I wouldn't want anyone doing it for me--I'llsimplyconclude by making a sincere yet, I hope, not condescending observation. It is quitepresumptious to make sweeping, general and universal judgments with regard to this topic. Even awoman who has known or dated a 45-year-young or older man who has never married can, of course, only make statements(and draw conclusions) from that particular experience (with that particular man). Butdrawing inferences from that, while understandable to a certain extent, is dangerous, for each and every oneof us hasour own unique backgrounds, upbringings, histories(and stories) ... and they are not allunivocal. Also, it is veryrevealing (at least to me) what is being written here by certain members, for even I am capable (for the most part) of connecting the dots and seeing what is ultimately being said (that is, um, the bigger picture).


That's all for now. My apologies for rambling(on).

I have a hard time dating men who are this age or older and have never lived with another person, been in a committed relationship that lasted longer than a couple of years, or been married.


I feel like maybe I am not giving them much of a chance, but there is something in me that screams, "RUN! He has no idea how to do the relationship thing!"


Thoughts?