How do I stop getting too attached to my matches too soon?

How do I stop getting too attached to my matches too soon?

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How do I stop getting too attached to my matches too soon?


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Sann is offline Sann Post #51  May 5,2008, 3:26pm
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I have been talking to a matchsince Dec'07 and we have been on 2 dates. He lives almost 3 hours away and does not seem to mind the drive of coming to see me. We connected and the attraction is there. We are already using terms like, sweetie, hun and sweetest. I was a little late to use this terms. it was not until I really felt in my heart that he could "really" be the one.

Iwould even dare to say that I feel like I am falling in love with him. Even thou we don't see each other often, we talk everyday, text, e-mail, phone etc. I think I made the error of letting him know what I was feeling and he told me that he loves mebut "not as strong as I do!" I don't really know what that mean. Either you love someone or you don't right? Help me! Do I back away and give him space to find out what he really feels for me? But when I hinted at backing up, he stated that I was giving up! And he just wants me to know that he is not where I am. But he says that he really cares about me. What should I do? Do I stick with it or do I back away trying to keep some feeling of dignity?
 
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heisall is offline heisall Post #52  October 14,2009, 8:05pm
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I have been seeing a match for a month. We have been on seven dates. We have a fantastic time when we are together. We share deep feeling. We are getting to know each other and we both like what we see and hear. I believe I am getting more attached to her than she is to me. We hold hands, kiss and hug and find it difficult to leave each other at the end of an evening. Last night she told me she was seeing two other guys as well as me. Now that I know this I am afraid to show my true feeling about her as I don't want to scare her off or demand too much of her time. Yet I want her to know how much I care about her. Should I back off and give her more space, stop texting so much,wait for her to call me. I don't want to blow it with her. I want to be fair to her as well as the other guys she is seeing. Please advise!!!
 
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BillSut is offline BillSut Post #53  November 22,2009, 12:24pm
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I have had 3 matches in the past three years that I've been attracted to.  I'm very picky so when I find one I connect with I tend to move pretty fast.  It is very difficult to control.  All 3 of them bolted after a month.  The thing that bothers me is that they were moving just as fast but when I reciprocated they ran.  Why?  Do women like to be in control of the pace of the relationship?  How can I avoid this in the future?
 
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FLA123 is offline FLA123 Post #54  November 22,2009, 3:03pm
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I have not found anybody on Eharmony to date as yet and probably will not. The people on this site that are matched up are not living in a close proximity. I don't believe their core values or what is important to them, as I found after communications that most of it is made up, or it changes day by day. Core values are supposed to be important to an individual and emanate from our childhood and parents, not subject to change everyday based on the guys whims. I'm not sure I trust this system. It is another dating website and the multiple matches encourage men to play the field. To women it is a disappointment. We're looking for more than the same, a website that will make a difference.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #55  November 22,2009, 3:54pm
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It is another dating website and the multiple matches encourage women to play the field. To men it is a disappointment. We're looking for more than the same, a website that will make a difference.
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #56  November 23,2009, 8:49am
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I think a lot of people start on eH trying to find a website that will be different that dating in real life. But in practice, online dating is just another version of the same old thing. It can't really do anything except bring together people who ordinarily may not have run into each other and eliminating some matches whose STATED values and personalities don't match with yours. Even if you get to the point of meeting your matches, the process is then the same as any other first date. Online dating doesn't eliminate people's hangups and their expectations and fantasies of dream-mates. If you read the book that goes with this site, you realize, basically they are matching you on a few things that are considered vital to the survival of a relationship and as such identify a large segment of the population that could work with you. So you are matched with people that would work well, based on their personality type and what they THINK are their priorities. It doesn't take into consideration that we don't always know what our priorities should be and it doesn't consider attraction at all. That is up to you to find.
Last edited by librarybabe; November 23,2009 at 9:18am. Reason: Always editing... can't stop. Help!
 
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knarf7575 is offline knarf7575 Post #57  November 23,2009, 1:31pm
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Wanted to add my success story to some of the others. Met my wife on Eharmony. She was a first day match. First and only one I dated. I know this is HIGHLY unusual but that's what happened for me. Her journey on Eharmony took a couple years. We have been married for 8 months and I am still in "euphoria". No she is not perfect but I love her. Her "not perfect" has more to do with my perception than reality. We have different backgrounds, likes and dislikes but respect the right of the other to differ. In becoming one flesh, I want to celebrate the differences rather than to change her into something that she is not. The most important area of agreement is we want to keep God and our Lord Jesus Christ first and not put any thing or person (including our spouse ahead of Him). Best wishes to all in your relationship journey.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #58  November 23,2009, 4:31pm
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librarybabe wrote :
it doesn't consider attraction at all. That is up to you to find.
Exactly. So just as in real life, you have to think about how your actions affect the electronic "attraction" between you and your match. Would asking the 1st Question "How have your relationships ended?" make your match more attracted to you? And would answering this question fully and unambiguously help or hurt? How long should you exchange emails before attraction starts to wane?

Just like in real life, it's very easy to screw up an eH relationship. Which is not even a real relationship at all.
 
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oksunbear is offline oksunbear Post #59  February 7,2010, 7:55pm
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The article was good and presented many good points to remember.  But my problem is another profile on another dating service indicated that I was like a collie puppy and seeking affection anywhere I could.  I been happily married for thirty five years and lost my wife to an long term illness.  I was told that my grief process started  while my wife was still here but knew it was terminal.  So now, I am anxious to start a new phase in my life with a new "soul mate" to share the rest of my life .  I was told that this not uncommon in men.  What do I do? 
 
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