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eyecu eyecu is offline
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Over a month agoI was matched with someone. He initiated contact, we made it to OC we chatted on IM almost everynight and for long periods on the weekends. We progressed to phone conversations and a great time. There was a mutual attraction and familiarity so we decided to meet. Much to my dismay, it was absolutely awkward and I was notattracted to him physically. There was nothing that was overtly wrong or offensive but no spark. We continue to talk and communicate, however I am apprehensive about meeting again. This online dating is new to me so, this "lack of spark" is unfamiliar territory. Can you generate chemistry? If so how?
- September 26th, 2008, 03:15 am
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Sarah Sarah is offline
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I don't know about generating chemistry. Maybe you can, if you hang out with someone and attraction can grow and build that has happened before.


One thing about onine dating. Limit your cyberspace communication and try to meet your person within the first week or two of being matched. Meet them in the day light of course someplace safe.


People tend to build up a fantasy of the person they communicate with him in cyberspace and reality rarely lives up to fantasy. Also cyberspace communication is deceptive in that it makes you think you share an intimacy that you really don't have. You get to know people in real life.


Keep cyberspace chatting and phone conversationto a minimum and try to move the match more off cyberspace and into real life. That way you can get to meet the person first before you build up this "illusion" of them in cyberspace and over the phone.
- September 26th, 2008, 02:42 pm
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dcajun44 dcajun44 is offline
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Well for me - chemistry is a must! I met a guy on EH and went to dinner. He was very nice, but there really wasn't a spark for me there at all. I would be his friend, but that is all that would happen.
- September 26th, 2008, 03:05 pm
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Obviously.
- September 26th, 2008, 03:56 pm
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katafoof katafoof is offline
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Chemistry is a must!
- September 26th, 2008, 05:52 pm
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Having no chemistry is like a car with no gas...You won't get very far.
- September 27th, 2008, 05:25 pm
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Isitsupposedtobethishard Isitsupposedtobethishard is offline
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There has to be some sort of spark before the motor starts running.
- September 28th, 2008, 02:11 pm
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Dreamer1972 Dreamer1972 is offline
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Chemistry can not be generated. It has to be there in order for you to be attracted to this person. Even though you've had a great conversation, there needs to be chemistry in order for it to move to a romantic level.
- September 28th, 2008, 03:29 pm
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FruitaBu FruitaBu is offline
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You shouldn't have to "try" to be attracted to someone. While I have had friendships that turn into more down the road, there was always still a basic undercurrent of chemistry even if it was not explored at that time.


There is always that final test with online chemistry and it can only be known for sure in person. I still think it is just there or it isn't. I have heard many stories of it translating to in person meetings and many stories where it didn't. Unfortunately, you just don't know until you get there. That's what makes it a little tough.


- September 28th, 2008, 05:38 pm
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yeoww yeoww is offline
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Sarah wrote :

I don't know about generating chemistry. Maybe you can, if you hang out with someone and attraction can grow and build that has happened before.


One thing about onine dating. Limit your cyberspace communication and try to meet your person within the first week or two of being matched. Meet them in the day light of course someplace safe.


People tend to build up a fantasy of the person they communicate with him in cyberspace and reality rarely lives up to fantasy. Also cyberspace communication is deceptive in that it makes you think you share an intimacy that you really don't have. You get to know people in real life.


Keep cyberspace chatting and phone conversation to a minimum and try to move the match more off cyberspace and into real life. That way you can get to meet the person first before you build up this "illusion" of them in cyberspace and over the phone.
I completely agree with your advice not to let too much time go by before meeting in person. On another website back in March, I connected with someone and we talked on the phone and on e-mail for months until we met. When we finally did meet, he had a significant physical limitation that he hadn't revealed to me and for me, the fact that he'd hidden it combined with the condition itself were insurmountable, so I ended the contact. My intense disappointment had a lot to do with the fact that we'd talked for so long before we met that I had already built him way up in my mind.


This is my first try at dating again since that time, but I've decided to not let more than a week (two tops) go by after getting to OC, if at all possible!
- September 28th, 2008, 07:04 pm
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