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mercedes0331 mercedes0331 is offline
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I met a guy through a mutual friend (of my ex husband) about a year ago. We emailed & talked on the phone over the year but he was always going on deployments overseas so nothing became of us. This past July I contacted him again to see when he was returning to the states. He came home in August and we got together. We spent some time together over a 3 week period (dinners, weekend at the shore, and we had sex) then he left again to go overseas. During the time we spent together I told him that I didn't want to be in a serious relationship and that I was currently "dating".I thought he was ok with that. While he was away we continued to talk on the phone, email, etc. He even sent me 2 dozen roses to my office about a week after he left. Anyway, in a conversation we had he brought up the fact of me dating and he asked that I stop while he is gone. We haven't seen eye to eye on this topic since he left.My feelings are: I am not going to stop doing what I'm doing while he is away. I'm not putting my life on hold. Not after only 3 weeks of spending time together. He asked that I tell him if I go on dates, etc. with other men and I find that to be unreasonable. I don't think it is any of his business. Am I being unreasonable here? He returns home next month. We are planning on getting together and trying the dating thing...but in the meantime?


- September 25th, 2008, 08:31 am
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Billywhitesh0es Billywhitesh0es is offline
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Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I'll bet he's dating other women.
- September 25th, 2008, 05:15 pm
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brdking brdking is offline
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Perhaps he would be reassured if you suggested that while he is home, you will date him exclusively for a time and test out the waters. Unless there is a firm mutual commitment in place though, the rest of your life is none of his business. Beware of controlling, jealous men!
- September 25th, 2008, 05:45 pm
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jerzee jerzee is offline
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Yes, it is his business. If you want to have anything with this guy you have to be open and honest with each other. Show him a little respect.


Billywhiteshoes: No I don't think he wants to have his cake and eat it too, she does.
- September 25th, 2008, 06:03 pm
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Sarah Sarah is offline
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Looks like you want casual, he talks like he want's exclusivity. You guys are on differernt pages. Best to let him go. Since he doesn't seem to be able to handle what you want which is an open relationship. Stop dating him and date a guy who wants a casual open relationship same as you do. Date a guy who won't act jealous and possessive and expect committment from you just because you guys had sex together. It's important to communicate what you both want and if you both want different things let it go.
- September 25th, 2008, 08:08 pm
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A lot of guys, most, will not date a girl who is dating other men. Its actually a good sign. He is into you and doesn't want you dating others. If you want him why date around? Its not like you have to marry the guy tomorrow just not see other men while you are seeing him.
- September 25th, 2008, 08:13 pm
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ohio2735 ohio2735 is offline
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OK, everybody, hear this...... IF she wants to date other guys, it's ok. But, sinse you did have sex, I think that unless you are exclusive with someone else, you shouldn't have sex with anyone else. Sex doesn't equal exclusivity, BUT, sex is an option with every guy you go out with unless you tell yourself that it isn't. And do you really want to have sex with 2 or 3 or 4 guys in a month?? Really? I am dating "to make friends" right now. I don't have sex with anyone. But, if the right guy came along, then I would commit to him enough to not have sex with other men, even if I was dating other men. But, it would be my choice, not his. And, if he's deployed overseas, he is not having sex with anyone else for sure. The troops overseas are not even allowed to speak to females that they don't work with directly for fear of getting accused of having a physical relationship which is strictly prohibited. The Army position is that if sex is not available for everyone, i.e. married troops, then it is not available to anyone. It seems a fair policy. Troops who break it are in HUGE trouble.
- September 25th, 2008, 08:20 pm
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Songryder Songryder is offline
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mercedes0331, wrote :

I met a guy through a mutual friend (of my ex husband) about a year ago. We emailed & talked on the phone over the year but he was always going on deployments overseas so nothing became of us. This past July I contacted him again to see when he was returning to the states. He came home in August and we got together. We spent some time together over a 3 week period (dinners, weekend at the shore, and we had sex) then he left again to go overseas. During the time we spent together I told him that I didn't want to be in a serious relationship and that I was currently "dating".I thought he was ok with that. While he was away we continued to talk on the phone, email, etc. He even sent me 2 dozen roses to my office about a week after he left. Anyway, in a conversation we had he brought up the fact of me dating and he asked that I stop while he is gone. We haven't seen eye to eye on this topic since he left.My feelings are: I am not going to stop doing what I'm doing while he is away. I'm not putting my life on hold. Not after only 3 weeks of spending time together. He asked that I tell him if I go on dates, etc. with other men and I find that to be unreasonable. I don't think it is any of his business. Am I being unreasonable here? He returns home next month. We are planning on getting together and trying the dating thing...but in the meantime?

This is not an unreasonable request for the circumstances. He's gone much of the time and he's being unreasonable to expect you're going to just drop everything after only 3 weeks and devote your time and energy on someone whose hardly there. I take it you've communicated what you said in your post to him directly and if you haven't it'd be a good idea. His expectations are way to high for the time frame. He may not like it but it's fairly clear he's possessive and demanding. I'd back up and not date the guy at all. If you can remain friends that would be a good thing, but this is rediculous.
- September 26th, 2008, 12:35 am
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jayjay jayjay is online now
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For me, simply the facts that you've only had 3 weeks together...and that he's going to be gone for an extended period of time would make me not have an exclusive relationship in this situation. If you did agree to be 'exclusive'....he could come back in 6 months or a year....and after another week together you could break up. What a waste of a year that would have been for you.
- September 26th, 2008, 07:52 am
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rg26 rg26 is offline
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ohio2735 wrote :

OK, everybody, hear this...... IF she wants to date other guys, it's ok. But, sinse you did have sex, I think that unless you are exclusive with someone else, you shouldn't have sex with anyone else. Sex doesn't equal exclusivity, BUT, sex is an option with every guy you go out with unless you tell yourself that it isn't. And do you really want to have sex with 2 or 3 or 4 guys in a month?? Really? I am dating "to make friends" right now. I don't have sex with anyone. But, if the right guy came along, then I would commit to him enough to not have sex with other men, even if I was dating other men. But, it would be my choice, not his. And, if he's deployed overseas, he is not having sex with anyone else for sure. The troops overseas are not even allowed to speak to females that they don't work with directly for fear of getting accused of having a physical relationship which is strictly prohibited. The Army position is that if sex is not available for everyone, i.e. married troops, then it is not available to anyone. It seems a fair policy. Troops who break it are in HUGE trouble.
Is that what he told you? I lived with a Marine for a few years and knew a lot of guys in the service. This is so not true. I mean yeah thats the rule..
- September 27th, 2008, 03:45 pm
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