Jojo7 is offline Jojo7 Post #11  September 24,2008, 8:13pm
Jojo7's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Mar 2008

Posts: 22

See profile



Thanks for you ideas and advices..they have helped me. I have noticed that some of you said that you don't understand what I mean by chochalete and gum. Usually I think that when the guy comes over to the lady home town, he should bring something nice with him like flowers and so on...but he brought a small bar chochalete and gum...I am not expert in relationships but do you think that he should have brought something nicer or is that by itself sufficient. I am not complaining or anything..I just don't know the "rules of today dating".


One more thing, I always think a man is a man...he is responsible to pay for everything plus the trip...my relatives have done that and they went by planes to go to see their dates and they have paid for all the expenses. I don't know anymore what to think so I really need more advices based on what I just said... thanks again :-)
 
  Reply With Quote
markizfocused is offline markizfocused Post #12  September 24,2008, 8:55pm
markizfocused's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Sep 2008

Washington DC

Posts: 74

See profile



Women should be willing to pay for some of the expenses. Mabye he got played by a bunch of golddiggers and didn't want to put out so much cash anymore, never know. Communicate, find out what he does.
 
  Reply With Quote
hazmat is offline hazmat Post #13  September 25,2008, 12:08am
hazmat's Avatar

is not back

Veteran

Joined: Apr 2008

Posts: 2,060

See profile

Songryder,270974 wrote :

hazmat,270879 wrote :


So he shelled out a few hundred bucks to come meet you, (plus time and effort) and it never crossed your mind to OFFER to buy him dinner ? Why would he want to come back ?


On a typical first date, the guy should pay. The lunch menu thing was not very considerate, i'll agree, but it's too early to say he's cheap. Don't understand the snack problem, unless he wouldn't share.


I don't think any of this would have turned into a problem if he had said "Look, it's gonna cost some money for me to come out there to see you and I really want to, but can you handle a few of the other expenses?"


It's the lack of communication I have an issue with, whether he brought chocolate or trail mix. If he had said something, maybe she could have planned something in advance like a picnic lunch that would have been a lot of fun. He didn't "ask" the questions necessary for her to let her creativity kick in. This way, he would be bringing her in as a partner in planning something, which would have impressed me no end.
Communication is a two way street...he could have asked if she'd help with the expenses, but she could have also offered to help. Surely she knew he was spending a substantial amount of money to come and meet her, an offer of dinner (home cooked ?) would have been very gracious. This should have been taken care of before the trip was made.


No long distance relationship will work if only one person carries the burden. (or any other, for that matter) Why should he have to "ask the questions necessary for her creativity to kick in" ? She's an equal partner...right ? And what if he doesn't know what questions will spark her creativity ?
 
  Reply With Quote
flocondeneige is offline flocondeneige Post #14  September 25,2008, 3:39am
flocondeneige's Avatar

is striking out

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2008

Michigan

Posts: 973

See profile



It sounds to me that you're saying a good date is someone who brings your presents and spends lots of money on you while you don't have to give anything? In my mind, that isn't very pleasant, however you are certainly entitled to use whatever criteria you want to assess your date. If you want a man to dish out lots of money for you then you should make that clear up front such as telling him you expect a gift and expect him to pay for everything. Otherwise, at least the men I've dated, haven't seemed to have had the expectation that they are gift-givers.


Haz is right. A long distance relationship CAN NOT work if only one of the people involved is doing all the paying and all the traveling. Relationships should be about equality not with one person doing all the work. But, if you and your date have thoroughly discussed the set-up you expect and he is okay with that, then I suppose it might work.


Good luck finding someone who makes you happy
 
  Reply With Quote
BelieverinKY is offline BelieverinKY Post #15  September 25,2008, 5:03am
BelieverinKY's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2008

Kentucky

Posts: 58

See profile

Jojo7,271165 wrote :

Thanks for you ideas and advices..they have helped me. I have noticed that some of you said that you don't understand what I mean by chochalete and gum. Usually I think that when the guy comes over to the lady home town, he should bring something nice with him like flowers and so on...but he brought a small bar chochalete and gum...I am not expert in relationships but do you think that he should have brought something nicer or is that by itself sufficient. I am not complaining or anything..I just don't know the "rules of today dating".


One more thing, I always think a man is a man...he is responsible to pay for everything plus the trip...my relatives have done that and they went by planes to go to see their dates and they have paid for all the expenses. I don't know anymore what to think so I really need more advices based on what I just said... thanks again :-)
Did you mention to him that you like chocolate and gum or is there mention of it in your profile? If so, perhaps he was just being sweet. I would much rather show up with something small and meaningful that shows the lady I paid attention thatn flowers (that's so easy and generic). I once met a gal that had Beef Jerky mentioned in her can't live withouts (sort of a joke). I came with a pretty little gift bag with Beef Jerky in it. Believe me, that $2.99 bag of Jerky went further than flowers ever could have.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sarah is offline Sarah Post #16  September 25,2008, 3:07pm
Sarah's Avatar

Clint Eastwood as a Puppy. "Do you feel lucky Punk?"

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2007

East Coast

Posts: 1,090

See profile



I've had long distance relationships previously and this has not been a problem as the guys I've dated just paid their expense. However I always offered and they could either take me up on it or not. Most often they paid their own expenses. I did not expect them to pay for every single meal or entertainment. I wanted to treat them as well.


I do think initially the guy should pay when he first meet up with a woman on a date. But after that and if the two are going to see each other, the woman shouldn't continue to expect the guy to foot the expense in every thing they do together. They both should invest financially as well as emotionally and in other ways to show they value the relationship together.


Long distance relationships are challenging and it takes both people making a concerted effort to make it work. With the state of the economy these days, I would feel bad expecting a guy I was seeing to foot the entire cost of a trip to see me long distance (by long distance I mean more than 3 hours away. Gas is HIGH and I just heard in some southern states, since hurricane IKE, they don't even have enough gas to put in the pumps at the station! There are many fun things that couples can do that won't break the bank it just takes planning. Men want to feel appreciated and women shouldn't just sit back and expect them to do everything and be happy with that.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« trying to get passed the past... | Ask a Dating Expert | Going on my first eH date »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 5:27am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0