froggy31 is offline froggy31 Post #1  August 29,2008, 5:39pm
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OK, here's my problem. I have battled and still battle acne. Since I was in elementary school I have been plagued by this problem. I have tried just about everything on the market and nothing seems to make a difference. I'm now 31 and have acne scaring over my face, neck, chest and back. I'm very self conscious about it. So here's my question. Should I tell my matches from the get-go about this? Do people really notice or care as much as I think they do?
 
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Blue_Angel is offline Blue_Angel Post #2  August 29,2008, 6:11pm
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I dont think it is necessary to tell your matches from the get go. Most people have some insecurities and to put it out therelike it makes or breaks you takes away from you as a person.
 
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alleyNebbyy is offline alleyNebbyy Post #3  August 29,2008, 6:11pm
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I HAVE A NEURO-LOGICAL DISEASE WHICH MAKES ME HAVE BUMPS ALL OVER MY BODY, THEY ARE VERY NOTICEABLE AND I AM VERY SELF CONSCIENCE ABOUT THEM BUT PEOPLE TELL ME THEY DON'T EVEN NOTICE THEM ONCE THEY GET TO KNOW ME, BECAUSE IT IS MY PERSONALITY THEY ARE DRAWN TO.
 
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Sarah is offline Sarah Post #4  August 29,2008, 7:33pm
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froggy31, wrote :

OK, here's my problem. I have battled and still battle acne. Since I was in elementary school I have been plagued by this problem. I have tried just about everything on the market and nothing seems to make a difference. I'm now 31 and have acne scaring over my face, neck, chest and back. I'm very self conscious about it. So here's my question. Should I tell my matches from the get-go about this? Do people really notice or care as much as I think they do?
I don't know if people will notice or care about it as much as you think they do, but the fact that you care and notice is what matters. This is a concern that you have and because it's a concern it's bound to impact on how you relate to your matches because you'll probably project your feelings and concerns onto your matches. I have a derma friend, and I don't know if there is any "product" on the market that will rid you of scarring. Unfortunately it will probably require some type of costly procedure. I'm 33 and I still have breakouts, I have oily skin.


Best to you.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #5  August 29,2008, 8:08pm
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I hear you, and know how debilitating acne can be. I certainly don't think that this is something that you have to tell your matches about in advance. Just have an "honest" picture of yourself on your profile (e.g., include a nice smiling face shot...) and your matches will have the info they need to go forward. (Based on your description of your pattern of scarring, I am assuming that you are male; yes? Please correct me if I'm wrong, though!)


The truth is that we all (or nearly all of us, anyway) get closed by matches from time to time because they aren't attracted to us (sometimes for very trivial reasons), so take care not to get into a trap of assuming that when you get closed (orwhen youdon't get a second date) that it's because of your skin problems. As Sarah noted,we tend to be much more focused on and critical of our own "flaws" so this is something that is much more noticeable to you than to others.


Have you been under the care of a good dermatologist? (Over the counter stuff just isn't going to be very helpful, as you know...). Dermatologists keep adding treatments to their arsenal, and some may be more effective for you than others (e.g., Accutane is very effective for many people with cystic acne). There are also treatments that can help to minimize scars (e.g., different types of lasers, dermabrasion, peels, etc.), which can help to make you less self-conscious. They are not cheap, but can be an investment worth saving up for; if you haven't talked with someone about this already, I suggest at least getting a consultation so you know what is available and how effective the options might be in your case.[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif[/img]
 
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japaneseblueeyes is offline japaneseblueeyes Post #6  August 29,2008, 8:21pm
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I would be more worried about emotional scars than physical ones. [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-undecided.gif[/img]
 
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siren is offline siren Post #7  August 29,2008, 8:51pm
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My dad had cystic acne, and had horrid scarring on his face and back but was still considered a very handsome man. A dermatologist could probably put u on antibiotics, which you may have already tried. Just don't stress out over it. Stress affects your skin. You wouldn't believe the changes women go thru if they have a blemish before the big date, so you are not alone, siren
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #8  August 29,2008, 10:59pm
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froggy31, wrote :

OK, here's my problem. I have battled and still battle acne. Since I was in elementary school I have been plagued by this problem. I have tried just about everything on the market and nothing seems to make a difference. I'm now 31 and have acne scaring over my face, neck, chest and back. I'm very self conscious about it. So here's my question. Should I tell my matches from the get-go about this? Do people really notice or care as much as I think they do?
Wow, you had a really bad infection of it, but I wouldn't divulge that kind of information until you've found someone you feel you can trust and feel comfortable telling prior to your first date. I have scaring from other things but it's never been a problem for the men I've been with over my adult life. Some will care, some won't. You certainly don't need to worry if the person you choose cares for you.
 
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froggy31 is offline froggy31 Post #9  August 30,2008, 5:00am
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Thanks for all the messages. For the record I'm a woman. It's hard not to be self-conscious about something that has left such a visible mark. I have tried accutane, but as soon as I stopped taking it the acne came back full force. I can't afford any kind of laser or dermabrasion treatments and am not willing to wear thick make-up.
 
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angelpoet is offline angelpoet Post #10  August 30,2008, 12:16pm
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alleyNebbyy,238531 wrote :

I HAVE A NEURO-LOGICAL DISEASE WHICH MAKES ME HAVE BUMPS ALL OVER MY BODY, THEY ARE VERY NOTICEABLE AND I AM VERY SELF CONSCIENCE ABOUT THEM BUT PEOPLE TELL ME THEY DON'T EVEN NOTICE THEM ONCE THEY GET TO KNOW ME, BECAUSE IT IS MY* PERSONALITY THEY ARE DRAWN TO.
Hey Alley,
I have that condition also... I know exactly what you're going through...
Mine does not really show in photos either.. I have not told people and most do not notice until I point it out to them Mine can mostly be hidden in clothing... but even in an intimate setting, I 've had people not notice until he had been going out for some time... my experience has been similar to yours...
 
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