SmartWater is offline SmartWater Post #61  July 4,2010, 1:15pm
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In my "Top Five things I can't live without" section.. #2 is my kids. That way they know up front that I have them.. As for the overweight part.. Me too. BUT I'm working on improving that.. Maybe guys will see if you are doing something about it, it won't be a "deal breaker" for them/
 
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heisenberg is offline heisenberg Post #62  July 4,2010, 2:44pm
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Many men who never had children are inclined to shy away from women with children. Visions of themselves being an instant dad, or thoughts of drama from the real father, even if all unfounded, make some guys scamper away pretty quickly.

Men who are already father's would be more open to dating single mothers.

A lot of women put in their profiles that the one thing they cannot live without is their children. I'm a guy and I have done it also, so I too am guilty of this.

But really... this pretty much goes without saying, and making a bold statement just might be overkill. It may scare off men more so than some would think, if this is seen as being a little too clear of a message that they are second fiddle in the relationship. Which may scare non-fathers off more so than fathers.
 
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duckboy is offline duckboy Post #63  November 21,2010, 7:44am
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Of course being overweight with children matters, but would you really want to be with "That Guy"? That guys deal breakers will not change so don't bother with him.

Just focus on your good qualities, the things a good man considers "must haves".

Besides that you want a guy who thinks you're physically attractive just as you are and raises your self-estem or a guy who talks about your weight and lowers your self-estem.

Also a guy who actually likes kids would be a better mate than one who has second thoughts because you have kids and believes they are a burden. You don't really want "that guy" around your precious children anyway.
 
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axle is offline axle Post #64  November 21,2010, 12:15pm
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There is a deep seated instinct to reject the offspring of a rival male in lot of men. This isn't just immaturity, it is a primal thing, rooted in the need to ensure the survival of one's own genes.

You see it in nature all the time, a male will take a new mate and if she already has babies from a rival he will reject or terminate them so that they don't compete with his own offspring. Sometimes you'll even see females terminate their own offspring.

This is why monogamy still exists in the natural world. The offspring of a male that sticks with a single female are more likely to survive to maturity while the offspring of a male who sleeps with everyone often gets killed by rival males because he isn't there to defend them.

Because kid killing isn't acceptable in modern society, men are stuck with having to deal with a rival's offspring, providing for them, and ensuring their survival. People can overcome primal instincts but it takes a lot of maturity, willpower, and confidence to do so. These are traits that younger men often do not have.
 
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curiousgirl123 is offline curiousgirl123 Post #65  November 21,2010, 1:34pm
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This, in a way, is an age-related topic. Reality is, most people by mid to late 30's have already been married and a lot of the healthy and fertile women in that age group have already had children. So it's a realistic assumption that people dating in that age group and older would come across quite a few previously married people that could have children.
Any good parent knows that children are the most precious gift anyone can have so if that's a deal breaker for some, not a problem, this just means that person is not the right match.

This is very similar in a way to when previously married people have reservations about people who've never been married past a certain age and put negative associations with it (such as what's wrong with him that he hasn't been married by now).

It's a matter of personal interpretation and preference that often becomes irrelevant once a person meets someone they feel strong connection with.
 
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lisakv is offline lisakv Post #66  December 13,2010, 11:25pm
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this is an old thread, but I'm going to reply. I'm a single mom, and I love it. I have had a couple boyfriends, but it didn't work out, not because of my 2 kids, but because we didn't "connect". I, too, am probably a few pounds overweight (I was 70 pounds over weight, and unhappy, so I lost 55 lbs, and plan on taking the other 15 off. within the next couple months, this should be accomplished). I did this for myself. I've always felt good about myself, but was concerned about my health, so I'm doing something about it. Also, I've had guys attracted to me who are around my age (I'm in my mid-twenties), who knew I had 2 girls, and didn't have a problem. In the end, we just didn't end up together for mutual reasons. As for now, I'm enjoying myself, my kids, my friends, and I know I will meet someone when the time is right, I'm just going with the flow. Until that day comes, I'm a content person, mother, and soon-to-be medical student. If you feel down because your a single-parent and a little over weight, then I have to things to say to you. Lose weight, but make sure you do it for yourself, and not for someone else, or you probably still will not be satisfied. # 2, if you feel like you can't find a man because of your children, you should change your frame of thought. I haven't found the right man for me yet, but I can sure tell you it's not because of my kids. It's simply because I haven't found my match, and until I do, I'm fine with what I have. It will be nice to share my life with another adult, but until our paths cross, I'm blessed with what I already have in life, and I'm in no rush, since I know it will happen one day. Just be happy for all you have, and when you are content with what you have, people will see that, and, who knows, it may catch someones eye.
 
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lisakv is offline lisakv Post #67  December 13,2010, 11:28pm
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*two
 
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